Today I am thankful that I discovered that I have a problem (or two) and I have decided to resolve them.
Actually, in my world it is termed as the "Spell of Aphrodite."
Women who are under the Spell of Aphrodite buy clothes.....lots and lots of clothes.....
and shoes.....
and jewelry....
and hair thingies.....
and make-up.
I've met some men that do the same thing. I don't know if there is a name for that. Perhaps they are under the spell of Aphrodite and Eros.
No matter.....
Every Sunday I run out and buy an outfit.....sometimes three. I usually buy dresses and shoes.
I never wear them.
I tell myself I will wear them when I get my life back....
when Michael moves out.
I typically wear dark suites or jeans now.
I've done this every weekend the separation was final. That is one pair of shoes and at least one dress every week since September 2013.
Luckily, I've learned weird habits since then due to money issues. I buy winter clothes in summer and summer clothes in the winter. Yes, I wear last years clothes -but- I am in the middle of the country. We are two to three years behind New York when it comes to style.
For instance, last night, I bought a spring suit for $3.00 and a brand new pair of lace high heel shoes for $.99. I bought it from a charity shop and gave them a ten dollar bill. They put the rest in their charity fund.
I guess there are advantages to living in the cheapest house in the rich part of town. People give nice things to charity and I get to buy them.
I delude myself into thinking I'll wear it twice and give it back.
No one will want them when I get around to wearing them, will they? It'll be vintage by then!!
I've decided to cut the shopping trips down to twice a month.
Maybe I'll have a clothing giveaway party for people ranging size 8 (me before the stalking) to size 12 (me during the stalking).
I don't know.
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Now you might think that the Spell of Aphrodite is a worthless explanation for clothes shopping addiction.
I know why I shop. I want to look pretty. Actually....I want to feel pretty.
That's not the only issue.
One must remember that before the Greeks, Aphrodite was Ishtar and Inanna.
She was the Goddess of both love and war. She was loving and generous to good souls and downright mean at abusive assholes.
Fighting for those who need it is downright hot! That's when I feel my power.
That's when I feel beautiful.
So.....
I need to get back in touch with the part of myself that protects those among us with the least. That's my only talent - fighting. Oh, the socially acceptable word for that is Advocacy.
But .....Hermes is the God of Advocacy. Maybe I'll connect with that aspect of myself.
That's what I'll work on today.....my communication skills.
Yeah.....I just realized that I probably spent too much time in graduate school studying Jung. I literally worship part of his theories, don't I?
Yes....the Greek Gods are archetypes.
I'm under the spell of Aphrodite.
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I need to do more with the gifts I've been given.
I'm trying to figure out how to go out in public and make friends without fear of the stalker attacking them.
I guess I talk to people everywhere I go now. I met someone recruiting for jail jobs at a consignment shop.
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Oh, crap....my encryption software is malfunctioning....Sigh.....let me reboot.
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I was saying that I met someone recruiting for law enforcement jobs at a consignment shop. Then I met someone looking for a job in criminal justice.
I meet people all the time and get into long conversations with them. It all seems to be information that someone I meet later needs.
We are all connected. We are not meant to live in isolation.
As much as I try, I cannot.
So....I have to find a way to reclaim my social media accounts and get in touch with people again.
I hate guns.
Maybe I need to get over that and carry it more.
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As much as I try to hide, I can't. I don't even go to the same supermarket every week now. I rotate between them. Months will pass before I visit the same store twice.
I discovered who the man was that offered me roses in the parking lot last month.
He is the manager of the produce department in the local supermarket. Whenever I see him....
He says "hello again."
I don't even know his name.
I'm realizing that scurrying away like a mouse is pretty unattractive and rude.
I'll behave now.
May you find friends wherever you go, too.
Love ya,
S.