Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful for neon goldfish. I was so busy crying over the fool's goldfish that I didn't realize that they came in other colors. I forgot that there were fish who were so busy managing their own business that they leave yours alone.  That's what I want.  Someone too busy to try to control me.  He can swim with me.  He can frolic in the waters.  Wow.....   I guess it's time to get out there and see the other fish in the pond. It is time to become a  pescetarian.  Yum.... I guess I am used to puffer fish.  The kind that puff themselves up to be something they are not.  They pretend to have done things that they didn't do and then they criticize you because you have actually done things in your life.  Steve would call me a liar when I spoke about my political adventures.  You know?  He's an IT guy.  All he has to do is go to Google.  If he ever made it to my bedroom, He'd know that I have a shelf full of old newspa

Today I am thankful that some creepers are awfully dumb..... okay, they can be.....  just awful.   It would seem that the craziness has moved away from Facebook and to other social networking websites.  The worst appears to be LinkedIn. Not too long about I got a contact request from some guy named LuvUBy Earnest.   Seriously?  This morning, on another social network, a request came in from M. AboutALuv Maybe the law they past years ago which stated that parents couldn't leave the hospital without naming their babies has backfired horridly.  Maybe mothers are so drugged up when they sign those birth certificates that the kids get saddled with funky monikers that sound like a good idea when Mommy is doped up on Percocet. It could also be that someone is effing with me. I don't know. ******Updates****** I am finally at peace.  Michael is gone. He's in Portland and complaining about the mildew smell. He will mak

I never thought I would say this, ever...... here goes.... okay.... {{{ big breath in }}}..... today I am thankful for my ex-husband's stalker skills. It only took him three minutes.  Three minutes.... My ex-husband found the home in Arlington where my grandchild was presumably taken.  Her father's real name is Jose but on Facebook he is m3nage.a.trois .  Using a Google search, that user name connects to a guy named A.J.   On Google+, A.J. posted a picture of my grandchild on a rose and ribbon printed pillowcase that I had bought for her mother several years ago. Looking through his contact list, A.J. has a brother named Hans.  Hans and A.J. have a sister named Melissa and a father named Ignacio.  They share the same address.  According to tax records, the house is owned by Ignacio.  Ignacio lives at 20*1 Edgehill **.  I have a phone number, too. So..... it's time to see if I can get social services involved.   Maybe

Today I am thankful that I realized why I vomit when I think of my missing granddaughter. I've had trouble holding down food since August.  Now, after visiting the doctor, I understand that there was a medical condition that was causing it.  That was resolved in October in the saddest way possible.  It was resolved.  The vomiting began again in November, after my daughter started talking about her kiddo being with her dad.  Now, at first, I didn't really blink about it.  I was worried about the little girl because of the craziness of her family life, the violence in the home, and the threats of her father to take her to live with his undocumented alien parents in Dallas. I didn't know that her dad had followed through with his threat and taken her out of state.  I figured that he was just having some type of daily daddy time.  The more evasive my daughter became about their daughter's whereabouts, the more sick I became. When I le

Today I am thankful for caring house representatives.  Three months ago, my daughter was arrested for ripping her boyfriend's shirt.  Long story short, she called me up and claimed to be barricaded in a bedroom with her three year old daughter.  I could hear him yelling about calling the police.  I gave the phone to my ex-husband and proceeded to call the police.  The officer arrested her because her boyfriend had a tear in his sweatshirt.  I saw the police report.  It was riddled with errors.  The officer did not consider the issue surrounding the call or the past incidents of domestic violence.  I decided to wait until after her case was over to file a formal complaint or get feedback about the process.  ***** I was a victim's advocate 17 years ago.  I worked for another DA.  Things have changed quite a bit since then.  I'm having a hard time keeping up.  I haven't seen my granddaughter since Thanksgiving (shortly after the arraignment).  Every tim

Well....today I am thankful that there may be end in sight for the drama in my life. I've spent the past few years chronicling the stalking I've endured from my ex-husband's family.  Of all of his relatives, his sister Shannon is the worst.  She likes to follow me in public, watch me, and run around spreading lies to neighbors, coworkers and anyone else whose ear she can bend. Well..... I received an email from my ex-husband in which his stalking sister claims to have cancer of the "back and lady parts."  She claims to not have much time to live and wants to get into contact with him. She didn't say what stage she had. Now...I don't know what to think about this. First, if it is true...this is a very sad thing.  Yes, I'm happy that she won't be stalking me anymore.  She won't have the time, the energy, or the money to do that.  I'm sad that her health the reason.  It would be nicer to find the means by which she

Well..... Well....it does NO good to call the police.  This is why gun control will fail in the USA.  One out of three women will have been abused in her lifetime.  One out of three of us know the cops won't help.  We have lost trust in the system.   Today I am thankful that I know a lot of politicians. So...to recap....my daughter was arrested in November because I called the police.  She had called me.  Her boyfriend was screaming at the top of his lungs that he was going to call the cops on her.  She and her child were barricaded in a locked bedroom.  She was afraid to leave.  He was behind the closed door. I called the police.  She told him the police were coming.  He yelled something about having pot and needing to leave. The police arrived and arrested her because her boyfriend's shirt had a rip in it. ****** My granddaughter is missing.  No one in my family has seen her since that day.  Rumor has it that my daughter was press

Today I am  thankful for options. I am deciding on whether or not I want to be sue happy, -or- if I want to start writing articles about the dangers of arresting victims of domestic violence, -or- if I want to start a political ruckus. Well.... I cannot ever be with Michael again.  Ever......ever......EVER! Part of the problem were lies of omissions and semantic games.... He claimed that he didn't lose his job at the city..... he didn't lose it, he was fired. He claimed that he was in therapy..... he was  in therapy but quit and spent Tuesday nights at McDonalds for an hour so I thought he was in therapy.   For more than fifteen years he didn't know why his sister, mother and aunts would complain that I went to college and demand that I quit.  This eventually led to his sister stalking me on campus to tell various leaders and professors in my department that I was a bad wife for being in school and demand that they expel me...... Man

Today I am thankful for space. The universe has finally given me the space I need to get my life back.  There is so much do think about.  There is so much to do.  I don't know what to share. This is the first time in my life that I don't have a male trying to tell me what to do.  Actually, that's not exactly true.  This is the first time that I have found myself without a relationship where I have to concern myself with trying to build a life with someone else. First things first - I have to clean up the mess I am in. Home repairs!  Resumes!  The car needs brakes! Oh, I'm going to need a security system, too.  I can do this.   This is exciting.  I was terrified to look for work so long as Michael lived here because he'd tell his sister and other relatives where I was and what I was doing. They'd stalk me and harass my cohorts. This will not be a problem anymore.  He took a job out of state.  I am lucky.  I finally have the space I ne

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe.   It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house.  I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling.  I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here.  It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve.  ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb.  The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear.  Fear that he won't honor his financial

Today I am thankful for therapy:  It helped me work on my Family of Origin Issues (FOO). Yes....I am being silly with the above video. When I was studying social work as a young lady, I would sing this song silently to myself during lectures about family dynamics while imagining food flinging during Thanksgiving dinners and couples arguing over the direction of the toilet paper hanging in the bathroom.  Yes, many of us come from families that put the fun in dysfunctional.   On a more serious note, it does seem like may people are fighting those dysfunctional demons past down from their parents.    If they don't fight them off, if they don't examine them, and don't understand them, then, they are doomed to repeat them.      The sad truth is that this video may be more appropriate.   I think this song captures the chaotic darkness of family of origin dysfunction pretty well.   Thank goodness the lyricist figured out that what

Today I am thankful for those bizarre universal coincidences that remind me of things that I forgot to remember:    This morning I was reminded that I am capable of love.       I did my usual ritual last night.  I took a sleeping pill at 9:00.  I bid my ex-husband good night, telling him that I truly doubted that we could work things out but I wanted him to live the life of his dreams.   If he always wanted to travel and was given that opportunity, I think he should go for it.  He'll be teaching our kids to take risks and get out there and live!  It's a good thing.....really.   I awoke at 4:00 again with the thought that I was going to be a single mother expected to stay faithful to a man who hasn't lain with me in years.  That's not true.  I did have the stomach flu two years ago.  He hugged me to help me feel stable during a vertigo attack.  When he cries, I still run for the tissues..... even if he is crying over something he did that makes