Warped Gratitude Blog

Today, I am thankful for Dopamine and Serotonin .     Psychologist, Arthur Arun, once said that it only takes 34 minutes for two people to fall in love.    Yep.....     If you spend about a half of an hour spilling intimate details of your private life with someone you barely know, followed by four minutes of staring deeply into their eyes, you will both fall in love.      Knowing this, I try to avoid eye contact at all costs.      I did this when my high school sweetheart came back....thrice.    I still love him.  I drive him insane.  It's best he not look into my eyes.    I love him enough to avoid driving him insane again.  Last time, he turned to drugs when we started having relationship trouble.  I'm NOT going to create that situation ever again.    Do you know what happened?    As much as I tried to avoid it, there is someone else.      He is supposed to be a friend.    That's it.    He is supposed to be a f

Today I am thankful for men who can explain anything in simple terms.   Yep.  I just adore those guys who don't shy away from saying something that will help you avoid running away from crazy guys who want to pull you under the covers even though you thought they were married, uninterested, gay or castrated.  One man explained everything to me.  His words of wisdom were: We are what we eat.     Men eat pork.     Men are pigs.      Now, as a female, I am given to over-extrapolation and over analysis.  So I am left to take this equation a little further.    Is he trying to tell me that men taste like bacon?    -or-   Is he trying to tell me that I want to be a dick?   It's been so long since I kissed either thing, I don't remember what either tastes like.    It takes six years to make the memories go away.    Wow....time flies when you're bored.    Love ya,   S.       

Today I am thankful that I have red hair and an enormous wardrobe; it makes Halloween easier.   Halloween is next week.  This is the costume I originally chose. I own the dress.  I own the shoes.  I have many gold belts.  I have seashell necklaces, lots of pearls and a golden girdle.  I have lots of cute little cupid pins and bracelets. And, originally Aphrodite was a redhead, so I wouldn't have to mess with changing my hair.  Oh, but there is one problem.  I dress like this in June sans the head-dress.  People won't know it is a costume. Maybe I should do something a little different.  Hmmmm.......     If I don't want to buy another outfit, I could always go as the Black Widow.      But then, I dress like that most of the time (without the guns Black Widow is known to carry).  I am said to be a Libertarian gun nut.  So people won't know it is a costume either.  Maybe I should try a little harder.  How about Poison Ivy?

Today I am thankful for honest men who are generous with their insight about love, lust and romance. So.... A mentor of mine posted a link to a study.  I've seen it before and never taken it seriously.  Research psychology is my specialty, so anytime I see a quantitative study with only eighty-eight participants, I tend to ignore the results.  The researchers in this study concluded that close platonic friends have at least one partner with a sexual interest in the other.  Usually it is the male who wants the female. http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends&page=2 Holy crap.... I still didn't believe it.  So I posted it on various social networks.  Three of the men who responded were people who I hung out with in the past.  We went to the mall.  We went to political events.  He volunteered together.  We went to movies.  We went out to lunches and dinners that lasted for several hours.  I never saw any of them...

Today I am thankful for Halloween.   It is the one day where I can admit to being a witch without having Republicans want to hang me.  The dems just call me a bitch or a teabagger.  The Libertarians know the truth.  I think some guy ran around telling everyone my secret.  He was talking about a Masonic ritual and didn't understand the magick behind it.  When I explained the meaning of the four directions, the bells, and the lunar and sun cycle he guessed that I was a witch.  So, when people talk about running around nude, all eyes inadvertently end up on me. This often happens during lunch. I don't order food anymore. I never thought of myself as a witch.  I'm more of an enchantress.  My ex calls me a snake charmer.  His snake is always slithering about....anyone can charm the pants of that man.  I'm nothing special. A witch?  I don't know.... You know, I haven't cast a spell in a very long time.  They take a lot

    Today  I am thankful for unanswered prayers.   I prayed to the great Aphrodite and asked her to help me find the love of my life while curing any crush I have on any man who would not be a good fit for me.  She answered half of my prayer.   My crush dressed up like me today.  He wore my hair better than I ever could.  I have to say I'm cured.  I'm bone dry.  I'm about to cry. But on the bright side   At least I'll sleep better now knowing there are no lustful pangs in the middle of the night.  I mean beauty sleep is important at my age.  I'll be getting a lot more of that now.  Sigh.... Help.... I'm a little disappointed but I'm sure this was good for me on some sick and twisted level.  My estranged spouse and I got into our first fight back in the early 90's because he claimed my high school sweetheart wore ball gowns at the prom.  We never went to the prom.  My old friend is Scottish.  It wasn't a ball gown:

Today I am thankful for sour gummy worms.   It's October.    I hate October and November.    Up until last month, every man who ever asked me out was a Scorpio.  The last guy was a Leo.  He's drama free and an open book.  I had to run away from him because I found his openness and honesty to be incredibly hotter than trying to guess what was going on.   I'm not going to mention what he looked like....and what it makes me think of doing because that would get me in trouble.     The problem, though, was I didn't know we were on a date.    I thought we were friends but I caught the way he looked at me when I was talking to another guy.    Oh, I'm a little slow.  He is really cute and fun and available.  Alas, I am not so available due to my inability to disentangle myself from what amounts to little more than Scorpio blackmail.    I'm working on it.    Then a Scorpio ex became jealous.  I think he hacked my Facebook account and mad

    Today I am thankful that I live in the USA and can speak my mind by casting a ballot.   Yeppers... Today I received my ballot.  Today I voted for my friends in politics.  I voted against tax hikes proposed by people I like but who have ripped me off in the past.  If you want me to vote for your tax hike, never let your lying lawyer steal $500 from me....okay? I'm going to make sure that costs those...those lying sacks of [stuff monkeys throw].  Although, their lawyers' lies led me to my estranged spouse's lies which led me to prove that I am not a sex addict after all. Yes, the lawyer proved to me that my hubby is a stalking cad but the fact still remains that they ripped me off (long story).  I'm still angry.  Six years of living like a nun and I want to [censored as it is completely unsexy].  I'm just a little grouchy.  I'll get over it when hell freezes over or I meet a blind guy unafraid to be turned to stone by a medusa look-a-like. 

    Today I am thankful for screening questions.      You know, those questions guys ask you when they're staring at you with watery eyes and absolutely humongeous pupils.      Like.....     1.)  Question:   "Are you still with that guy?"     Answer: What do you mean by "with?"   What I want to say:   The guy I want is the guy who wants me so much that social convention can take a flippin' back seat.  Sadly, I haven't met him yet.      2.)  Question:   "Will you ever get married again?"   Answer:   "As a Libertarian, I don't believe in government sanctioned marriage."   What I want to say:   I can't mate in captivity.    Sigh....   It's too early for this....     Love ya,   S.                    

        Today, I am thankful for the joke that is the law of attraction.         I'm trying to escape a twenty year relationship.  This means cleaning out twenty some odd years of crap that I've accumulated from a house I don't want.      I have a couple of journals.  I found myself laughing at a journal entry circa 1988.      I am nineteen years old.  I decided modeling sucks and took a fun job answering telephones for a bunch of lawyers who enjoyed my ability to answer the phone using and calling them by name when they called and before they spoke.  It's easy now.  Back then it was quite a trick as it was prior to caller ID.     They thought I was psychic.      Nope.  They usually called at the exact same time everyday.  In between telephone calls, I would journal back in the day.    I had a little journal where I would draw my desires.    I wished for "headless toys" and drew lots of pictures of a

Today I am thankful for HIS therapist.   I've been having relationship problems for twelve (almost thirteen years).  I just found a blog post which went up when we stopped being intimate.  He went to his Uncle's funeral, spent the day with his family and came home and called me his ex.  I nearly cried when I saw the date.  It was six years ago!!!  I've been telling everyone that it's only been four.  It's been SIX! Darn... I threw myself into work.  He asked me to stay here to help with the kids while he undertook a massive job search.  He promised we could divorce when he found a job.  He was hired in February.  As I began to pack, I found that my credit cards had been run up, he lied when he said he was making the minimum payments.  He told me he threw all our money in the 401K, and said that he did it so I had nothing to leave with.  He said he did that to force me to stay.  On Sunday, he told me he lied and said he was looting the 401K because

Today I am thankful for patterns and being old enough to put two and two together.  I just had an epiphany.  Twenty-eight years ago, I met a young lady.  We became friends.  I was an orphan and her mother took the role of giving me advice.  Then she started spreading gossip about me, I started to distance myself from this friend.  She'd have her friends harass the boy I dated.  It was annoying when they said they'd get him into bed.  My old boyfriend didn't take the bait.  In fact, I think it bothered him when my friend would try to sit in his lap in an effort to seduce him.  I never really trusted her after the gossip thing.  Twenty one years ago, I met her for dinner.  Her cousin was with her.  He wasn't invited.  He fell in love with me at first sight.  It was sad.  Everyone knew.  It was easy to see in his demeanor.  I was enduring in a bad break up at the time, so I was not interested in anybody at all.  This is where I will admit to being st

Today I am thankful for having a graduate degree in psychology. My personal focal point of my education was mind-body connections.  I was interested in how the mind enhanced sex.  I also wanted to know how our thoughts influenced our immunity.  I wanted to know how our self-esteem impacted our health decisions.  I'm not kidding.  This is who I am.  I wanted to be a psychoneuroimmunologist before I actually found out I was married to a narcissist stalker dude who sat outside campus and let his sister harass my professors without my knowledge.  Then there was the little thingy about his cousin wanting to marry him and stalking me to try to get me in trouble.  He'd always hear about it when she'd peek in my apartment windows as I tutored hot Mexican nationals trying to learn English.  That was before we dated, too.  I can't go into the whole 20+ years of stalking.  It is intermittent.  It comes and goes.  The longest lull I've had without stalking was t

Today, I am grateful for self-censorship.       I was a bad girl today.    Some guy was screaming in my face after I learned he stole several thousands of dollars from me.  He got a little too close and I smacked him out of fear.  I gave him a black eye.  Well, it wasn't a black eye.  My enchanted ring bruised his eyelid.    He is stalking me and he is hinting at harassing two men I know.  One is an ex.  One is a friend.  I'm terrified of this guy.    I never want to see him again.  He wants me to be his partner.  I want a restraining order.   I feel incredibly guilty for smacking him.  So, I've decided to curb my sharp tongue and my anger.  I'm going to censor myself.      So, I'm kinda sad about my self-censorship but in retrospect I think it is going to help me get a good night's sleep.    There is this cutie I know on Facebook.  He eschews alcohol.  So, when I posted the following picture, he thought it was a slam.   

Today I am thankful for gentlemen friends.   I've been avoiding one on and off for a little over eighteen months.   I don't want to say too much about it but he has taught me quite a bit about myself.   I do not answer my phone fast enough.   I can do anything, even give boring impromptu public speeches, with the support of my friends.  Riding along in my car is an adventure.  If I don't leave an hour before an event, I will always be late.  The breath mints stored in my purse taste like perfume.   I need to work on my driving anxiety.  There is one poor soul in the world who will walk a mile to make sure I didn't get run over by a train because I tripped over my heels stepping onto a track.   There is one sweet soul who will walk me through a crowd of zombie Obama devotees while guarding my back when talking to Romney henchmen.   It's a cute friendship.   There is nothing going on between us.   But still...he's so nice and so o

      Today I am thankful for honest men.     I had a friend from high school who would pal around without me a few years ago.  He was recently divorced.  My husband was missing in action.    We had lunch.   We had soda.   We spoke about high school.      I always paid for lunch because I didn't want to lead him on and because he was between jobs.    He's my friend.  Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?  Besides, there's a pretty blond who is interested in him and he makes eyes at her.  I can't steal him from her!!!  All I can do is hypnotize him into saying hello.  Which is what I did.  I thought they were going out now.  I guess not.       There is another man who I've gone out to dinner with twice.      The first time, I mistook him for another man of the same name who has severe agoraphobia.  When I got an email from a guy with the name of a married buddy of mine with agoraphobia expressing an inte