Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful that I know how to expose lies.  He claims that he ruined the engine of his sporty car.   He is taking my mini-van with 188,000 miles as his own.  I never know when it will be returned. This is costing me numerous job and training opportunities.   He can't have both cars, so I asked him if I could have his non-running car in exchange for my old van.  I'll get the car fixed on my own after he moves out and I can find a job without him interfering with my ability to get to and from work.    He refused.   I think he's lying about destroying his engine.   I want to move out.   He won't take care of the kids or the house.   I asked him to move out.   Then he starts crying that he wants to fix our marriage.   NO!  It's not going to happen.  You don't ignore a woman for seven years and then say, oh...I want you now.   NO!!   He was screamin...

I am thankful that the papers were signed, notarized, sealed and delivered this afternoon.   There is now a NO CONTACT ORDER in effect for my in-laws.  They are ordered to do everything in that cease and desist letter I sent back in 2002. Any relative or agent of my ex, is now prohibited from contacting me, speaking to me, calling the house, following me,  harassing me, emailing me, intimidating me, disturbing the peace, or bothering my children, members of my extended family, my friends, people in my workplace, or my associates.  The rules don't apply to my ex in the same way.  We have kids together, so he can contact me about that.  He can't scream about killing people anymore or steal money, dispose of joint property, or steal my things.  The car?  Ugh....I don't know.  That is a gray area.  I caught him in a lie about that.  Do I dare share it?  Well....when he wanted sole custody, he...

I am thankful for Caller ID. I am starting to get paranoid about the unknown name and unknown numbers calls. Sometimes they are telemarketers.  I'm not sure the latest round of them are.  They are not robo-calls.  They are from a woman.  The caller ID reads: Unknown Name Unknown Number When I ask her name, she says Sharmaine, Shelly, or some other name that starts with Sh. When I ask the name of her company, she pauses.  Sometimes she'll say "gifts".  Sometimes she'll say "decoratives".  Once she said "magazines." She never gives me a real answer.  She always asks for my work address and my home billing address.  I'm suspicious.  I always ask her to take me off the list.  She calls back.  This last time, I told her that I have a stalker.  My phone line is monitored and I don't answer questions that detail my personal information.  I demanded that she takes me off of her list. I hope th...

  Today I am thankful that I realized the fallacy of reasoning with an irrational person.     I called the lawyer crying.  I didn't listen to him.  I thought I could put up with the abuse a little longer and outsmart my ex.    My message is probably mostly sniffles and I'm going to bet it is not understandable.  If he's lucky, he'll hear the golden words.   "You were right all along!   I should have taken your advice!! "   Thank goodness for Caller ID.   The lawyer was right.  I can't tell you what he said without breaking confidentiality.     But - I didn't do what he said to do.      I'm paying for it....   big time!       I'm living in the middle tent of a three ring circus.      I'm not performing tricks for the ringmaster.      HE IS PISSED!!   Uh, oh.    My ...

Today I am thankful for my ex's admissions of guilt.     I could not sleep last night.  Every time I heard something move, I thought my ex was coming up the stairs to hurt me.      He hasn't done anything like that before.  Usually, he hits the walls or breaks things.  He does corner me but he's never struck me on purpose.      After he threatened to shoot his mother and sister, I became afraid.    I can't eat.      I can't drink.      I literally fainted when he came home.   I'm still shaking from his threat last night.  If I stand up, I get dizzy.  I'm spending the evening sitting alone.    I truly don't know how to proceed.     He said he'd be home in time for me to go to the courthouse.  He wasn't.  He sauntered in an hour after they closed.  If he doesn't sign the papers, I'm going to have...

Today I am thankful for a place to document the threats.       I'm trying to file for a divorce.  He claimed he seized the engine of his car on Friday.  He wants mine.  I used student loan money to buy it.  I'll be paying on it until I am 65.  He can have it if it means he'll go away and leave me alone.    I told him that I intended to take the bus to file the paperwork once he gives me the information about the missing bank accounts.  He can have my car.  He can have whatever he wants.  I want out. I asked him when would be the most convenient time for me to move out of the house.    He started to rage.    He said that without me he has nothing to live for.  He told me that doesn't care.  He says this all the time, though.    Then he threatened to drive to his mother's house and shoot his mother and his sister.     I don't know...

Today I am thankful that I noticed that I don't scream every time someone sneaks up on me.  My ex is like a Ninja.   Well, more like a clumsy Ninja.   He and his family always had a habit of sneaking up on me.   His kids do, too.  They pride themselves on being Ninjas.  It's cute when it's an adolescent.  It's not so cute when you're a morbidly obese middle aged man.   My ex has a habit of always being where I least expect him.  The same thing can be said of his family.  When they surprise me, I freak out.   When it comes to my ex, I always scream in horror and have to take a few minutes to calm down.   Now, up until yesterday, I thought I did this with everyone.   I don't.   I only do this with Mike.   He had my vehicle  so I had to put off my errands until he returned it.  He sauntered in around 7:00 p.m.  and I went to the store to buy things ...