Today I am thankful for honest lawyers.
So....I met with a lawyer today.
I'm going to give him a rave AVVO review because....well....he's honest.
He gave me free advice, which is rare and spent about 50 minutes with me. My ex has been emailing me wanting the tax credit. I learned today that despite signing an agreement he can take it every other year, he cannot so long as the kids live with me the majority of the time. He can also never take it if he is in arrears.
That is worth the good review. I would have paid a consultation fee for the answer to that question.
The lawyer looked at my divorce decree, the parenting plan and the contempt citations.
I'll need a $10,000 retainer. It may cost upwards of $20,000 to proceed.
He said there are reasons why the cost will be so high -
I expected to hear the reasons as
"the other party doesn't cooperate (which runs up costs)."
I didn't hear that.
I heard "he can try to claim parental alienation" because of the day he gave me a couple of hours notice and expected me to drop out of class to drive them to a theater to wait for him. He didn't want to pick up the kids. I have to bring them.
I couldn't cut class. If I did, I wouldn't have a job.
The other reason made me laugh.
It was
"[My ex-husband's] family is crazy."
The lawyer pointed out something my ex put in the parenting plan forbidding me from allowing the kids to meet his relatives without his consent.
I replied, "he claims his relatives are dying off."
Which they, allegedly, are.
I realize now, my ex was behind the stalking. If his relatives met our adult children, the relatives may reveal information that would be damaging to the image the kids have of their father. This is probably why my ex put that in the order. People who do not talk cannot compare notes.
His relatives are probably just as victimized as we were.
I understand where the lawyer is coming from.
Too many lawyers and judges have been attacked and shot at in the past. When I was kid, we didn't have heavy security in the courthouse.
Now we do.
I thought that was brutally honest.
***I left with the impression that a narcissist can pretend to be an alcoholic and he will be able to skate out of child support. He won't have to pay back any of the $67,000 he owes me in judgments plus an additional $9,000 in child support arrears.
He's free. It would be a losing proposition. If one is willing to turnip-ize himself, there is little I can do.
I don't think he can successfully claim parental alienation. He sent me an email last year thanking me for having the kids wish him a happy birthday.
I didn't ask them to do it this year due to the bizarre emails I received from him. His anger makes him dangerous.
The lawyer gave me other names.
I know of a couple of divorce coaches, I'll ask their opinions. One of them is coaching me as to the ways one can educate lawmakers about domestic violence and the divorce process.
Maybe I can ask her opinion on the names of lawyers who are less skittish.
As for my ex,
It's a good thing I'm religious.
It looks like I'm back at square one....relying on my faith.
You know, as I dug through the piles and piles of divorce documentation, I found four letters from my ex. He'd write me letters before we divorced after he screwed up and left the house. In these letters, he'd promise me the moon and the stars. He'd promise that the stalking would stop and that he'd get therapy.
Of course, that didn't happen while he was in the house. The weird thing about the letters is that he actually admits to telling his family inappropriate things about me. He also admits that this led to the stalking.
I am incredibly thankful that I didn't share those with the lawyer. The whole situation is crazy. Those letters can never be construed as truth but they are good for me to refer to when I'm getting emails calling me a crazy liar by claiming I'm making up the stalking incidents.
The things that happened in that relationship are so crazy, that talking about it makes me sound insane. This lawyer did one very kind thing for me today - he let me know that he's in family law and that he's heard worse.
I feel sorry for the people behind those unshared stories.
So, the remainder of the day will be devoted to my hunting down therapists for the kids. I want them to grow up to kick men who play games to the curb quickly so they don't get caught up in expensive traps.
And, I'll light some of my religious candles, too.
Love ya,
S.
***Disclaimer: I will say that narcissistic people have a bizarre charisma about them that allows them to get away with stuff. I will also say that 90% of us do not have that type of charisma. If you have a conscience, don't try to under-employ yourself or act like a loser to get out of your responsibilities. Most people cannot get away with that kind of crap so it's not worth trying.
So....I met with a lawyer today.
I'm going to give him a rave AVVO review because....well....he's honest.
He gave me free advice, which is rare and spent about 50 minutes with me. My ex has been emailing me wanting the tax credit. I learned today that despite signing an agreement he can take it every other year, he cannot so long as the kids live with me the majority of the time. He can also never take it if he is in arrears.
That is worth the good review. I would have paid a consultation fee for the answer to that question.
The lawyer looked at my divorce decree, the parenting plan and the contempt citations.
I'll need a $10,000 retainer. It may cost upwards of $20,000 to proceed.
He said there are reasons why the cost will be so high -
I expected to hear the reasons as
"the other party doesn't cooperate (which runs up costs)."
I didn't hear that.
I heard "he can try to claim parental alienation" because of the day he gave me a couple of hours notice and expected me to drop out of class to drive them to a theater to wait for him. He didn't want to pick up the kids. I have to bring them.
I couldn't cut class. If I did, I wouldn't have a job.
The other reason made me laugh.
It was
"[My ex-husband's] family is crazy."
The lawyer pointed out something my ex put in the parenting plan forbidding me from allowing the kids to meet his relatives without his consent.
I replied, "he claims his relatives are dying off."
Which they, allegedly, are.
I realize now, my ex was behind the stalking. If his relatives met our adult children, the relatives may reveal information that would be damaging to the image the kids have of their father. This is probably why my ex put that in the order. People who do not talk cannot compare notes.
His relatives are probably just as victimized as we were.
I understand where the lawyer is coming from.
Too many lawyers and judges have been attacked and shot at in the past. When I was kid, we didn't have heavy security in the courthouse.
Now we do.
I thought that was brutally honest.
***I left with the impression that a narcissist can pretend to be an alcoholic and he will be able to skate out of child support. He won't have to pay back any of the $67,000 he owes me in judgments plus an additional $9,000 in child support arrears.
He's free. It would be a losing proposition. If one is willing to turnip-ize himself, there is little I can do.
I don't think he can successfully claim parental alienation. He sent me an email last year thanking me for having the kids wish him a happy birthday.
I didn't ask them to do it this year due to the bizarre emails I received from him. His anger makes him dangerous.
The lawyer gave me other names.
I know of a couple of divorce coaches, I'll ask their opinions. One of them is coaching me as to the ways one can educate lawmakers about domestic violence and the divorce process.
Maybe I can ask her opinion on the names of lawyers who are less skittish.
As for my ex,
It's a good thing I'm religious.
It looks like I'm back at square one....relying on my faith.
You know, as I dug through the piles and piles of divorce documentation, I found four letters from my ex. He'd write me letters before we divorced after he screwed up and left the house. In these letters, he'd promise me the moon and the stars. He'd promise that the stalking would stop and that he'd get therapy.
Of course, that didn't happen while he was in the house. The weird thing about the letters is that he actually admits to telling his family inappropriate things about me. He also admits that this led to the stalking.
I am incredibly thankful that I didn't share those with the lawyer. The whole situation is crazy. Those letters can never be construed as truth but they are good for me to refer to when I'm getting emails calling me a crazy liar by claiming I'm making up the stalking incidents.
The things that happened in that relationship are so crazy, that talking about it makes me sound insane. This lawyer did one very kind thing for me today - he let me know that he's in family law and that he's heard worse.
I feel sorry for the people behind those unshared stories.
So, the remainder of the day will be devoted to my hunting down therapists for the kids. I want them to grow up to kick men who play games to the curb quickly so they don't get caught up in expensive traps.
And, I'll light some of my religious candles, too.
Love ya,
S.
***Disclaimer: I will say that narcissistic people have a bizarre charisma about them that allows them to get away with stuff. I will also say that 90% of us do not have that type of charisma. If you have a conscience, don't try to under-employ yourself or act like a loser to get out of your responsibilities. Most people cannot get away with that kind of crap so it's not worth trying.