Skip to main content

A Disturbing Daydream

Today I am thankful that I make notes of the little sensations I have during slow moments. 


At around 11:11, I felt an old presence next to me.  I felt the sensation of someone tussling my hair and felt a kiss on my forehead.

In a moment it was gone.

I've had these sensations in the past when people I've loved had passed.

As of this writing, I know of no one who is dying.

That's not true, I have a half-sister who is dying.  I've never met her. When we were kids, she refused to speak to me.  She reached out a couple of months ago but I've not been able to connect with her given school and work.   She's my age.  It's upsetting for me to realize that my birth stole her father away from her.  He was married to her mother legitimately.  He lied about his name on the marriage certificate with my mom.  As hard as my life was, it's hard to imagine the pain my sister is in.

I need to carve out a day to spend time with her.

My aunt had a near death experience two weeks ago.  I work for her doctor and I know he'll do everything in his power to keep her alive.  She's alive and kicking now....I mean truly, obnoxiously kicking.

I am at a loss as to who my subconscious mind is worried about.

I'm fairly certain recognize the presence.

It was male.

I could be wrong.

I pray it was a fluke.

Love ya,

S.


Edit: Sunday 11/11/2018 (in numerology, the date translates to 11-11-11) It's Sunday.  I've visited the pagan store, bought my ritual oils and am praying.  I know numerous people in California.  Some have not checked in since the wildfires.  I'm nearing the point of reaching out to each and every silent friend I have out there.

It'll break my heart if someone I care about is spending time at a shelter tonight and living in fear and discomfort.

Love you lots,

Siegfred

Edit: Thursday 11/15/18 - so far, so good.  Nearly everyone is accounted for. Whew!

It's good to be wrong.


Hugs,

S.

Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

Venus Meditations

  Today I am thankful for my new realization.  In my world, Friday is the day of love (reminds of The Cure - lol).  It's true.  Friday is the day of Venus.  Exhausted as I was after work, I went to my altar and lit a candle asking that my friend find whatever his life is lacking. Then I went upstairs and did my Friday night ritual to Aphrodite.  I lit a candle asking that I gain confidence in my ability to love.  I also ask that I recognize true love.  I was too exhausted to linger so I tried to fall asleep.  Have you been too tired to sleep?  It's horrible.  Your mind goes round and round -  you might recall things that happened recently (like the doctor telling me to be careful because I haven't hit menopause yet and I say, "not worried about it" while thinking that it's a good time to be in a sexual drought - hooray for me),  or things going on at work  (that I can hypnotize little cranky babies to sleep without sa...

Time and Trauma

  Today I am thankful for stories; they are often the easiest teaching tool.  The other day I had an interesting conversation with a social worker.  She complained that one of her patients was stuck at a certain year -  let's say... 2008.  This man talks about 2008 constantly.  He shares photos of 2008 and letters of 2008.  I asked her, what happened that year?  Well, three members of his family died.  His best friend died in front of his eyes.  His spouse died.  He lost his home.   The man was wealthy.   Sadly, the evil eye is real.  Covetousness is real.  The U.S. justice system enables abusive lawyers to swoop in and take control of the wealth of well-to-do elders.  There were fights over his assets**.   The lawyers threw him out of his numerous homes.  The man was then homeless while everything went through probate and the relatives fought over the estate.   His wealth ...