A Disturbing Daydream

Today I am thankful that I make notes of the little sensations I have during slow moments.

At around 11:11, I felt an old presence next to me. I felt the sensation of someone tussling my hair and felt a kiss on my forehead.

In a moment it was gone.

I've had these sensations in the past when people I've loved had passed.

As of this writing, I know of no one who is dying.

That's not true, I have a half-sister who is dying. I've never met her. When we were kids, she refused to speak to me. She reached out a couple of months ago but I've not been able to connect with her given school and work. She's my age. It's upsetting for me to realize that my birth stole her father away from her. He was married to her mother legitimately. He lied about his name on the marriage certificate with my mom. As hard as my life was, it's hard to imagine the pain my sister is in.

I need to carve out a day to spend time with her.

My aunt had a near death experience two weeks ago. I work for her doctor and I know he'll do everything in his power to keep her alive. She's alive and kicking now....I mean truly, obnoxiously kicking.

I am at a loss as to who my subconscious mind is worried about.

I'm fairly certain recognize the presence.

It was male.

I could be wrong.

I pray it was a fluke.

Love ya,

S.

Edit: Sunday 11/11/2018 (in numerology, the date translates to 11-11-11) It's Sunday. I've visited the pagan store, bought my ritual oils and am praying. I know numerous people in California. Some have not checked in since the wildfires. I'm nearing the point of reaching out to each and every silent friend I have out there.

It'll break my heart if someone I care about is spending time at a shelter tonight and living in fear and discomfort.

Love you lots,

Siegfred

Edit: Thursday 11/15/18 - so far, so good. Nearly everyone is accounted for. Whew!

It's good to be wrong.

Hugs,

S.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

Visiting the Graveyard in my Hometown and Addressing Fears I'll Soon Join the Party

Today I am thankful for a laugh. It didn't start out funny. My aunt visits once a week to use the washer and dryer. My new dryer broke just a few days out of warranty so we dried her clothes outside. While standing outside, she took me aside an said "I don't want to alarm you, but....." then she got silent. I pointed at the shed. "Are you worried about all the stuff pulled out of the shed?", I asked. "Yes.", she replied. "That happens all the time!" She advised me to chain the door. I've done that. The thief just tears the roof off. It's easier just to keep crap in it I don't care about so the thief can rummage and take what he or she wants. Again, I was advised to consider moving, especially after finding a full gas can in the mess. My aunt is afraid my ex-husband is going to kill me. I've been court-ordered to live here for another two years. Sigh.... I'm sure a judge would allo...

Temporary Ending

Dear Readers: Over the past three weeks, I attended both a city councilperson's town hall and the mayoral town hall. Despite battling the flu, I dedicated two days to watching all available city council meetings and study sessions on YouTube in between bouts of cold chills. What I observed was a troubling pattern of disregard for honesty and disrespect towards citizens, the rule of law, and the influence of partisan politics. It has become evident that certain issues transcend the scope of a mere community art project. This realization prompted me to raise my voice, a departure from my usual composed demeanor. After discussing the situation with my family, we collectively decided to remain in Aurora. It is clear that true leadership entails making tough decisions rather than simply following personal desires. I look forward to the opportunity to address these concerns further in a different forum. Warm regards, S. P.S. There will be a new website.

Warped Gratitude Blog

Search This Blog