A Disturbing Daydream

Today I am thankful that I make notes of the little sensations I have during slow moments.

At around 11:11, I felt an old presence next to me. I felt the sensation of someone tussling my hair and felt a kiss on my forehead.

In a moment it was gone.

I've had these sensations in the past when people I've loved had passed.

As of this writing, I know of no one who is dying.

That's not true, I have a half-sister who is dying. I've never met her. When we were kids, she refused to speak to me. She reached out a couple of months ago but I've not been able to connect with her given school and work. She's my age. It's upsetting for me to realize that my birth stole her father away from her. He was married to her mother legitimately. He lied about his name on the marriage certificate with my mom. As hard as my life was, it's hard to imagine the pain my sister is in.

I need to carve out a day to spend time with her.

My aunt had a near death experience two weeks ago. I work for her doctor and I know he'll do everything in his power to keep her alive. She's alive and kicking now....I mean truly, obnoxiously kicking.

I am at a loss as to who my subconscious mind is worried about.

I'm fairly certain recognize the presence.

It was male.

I could be wrong.

I pray it was a fluke.

Love ya,

S.

Edit: Sunday 11/11/2018 (in numerology, the date translates to 11-11-11) It's Sunday. I've visited the pagan store, bought my ritual oils and am praying. I know numerous people in California. Some have not checked in since the wildfires. I'm nearing the point of reaching out to each and every silent friend I have out there.

It'll break my heart if someone I care about is spending time at a shelter tonight and living in fear and discomfort.

Love you lots,

Siegfred

Edit: Thursday 11/15/18 - so far, so good. Nearly everyone is accounted for. Whew!

It's good to be wrong.

Hugs,

S.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004. We ran into her at a Wal-mart in 2005 and my keys went mi

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor his financial

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much. People change over the course of their lives. Healthy people grow. Unhealthy people either stay static or regress. So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies. If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors. I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories. From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory. A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP. My ex is a ESTP and when he is stressed out

Warped Gratitude Blog

Search This Blog