Today I am thankful for the delta state.
The delta state is an altered state of consciousness in which one can experience visual hallucinations.
Last night, I had the most bizarre hallucination just as I was falling asleep.
In this waking dream, I saw a river of lava. There was a man in it. He was trying to jump out but there were dark shadows over him preventing him from escaping.
I couldn't recognize the man: The flames were too high and he was too burned.
In the background, I heard Cher singing, in her beautiful contralto vibrato, a song about how this man thinks of a woman.
It is sung in the second person.
I wish I had written the lyrics down. When I was kid, I used to dream up songs all the time. I had little diary by my bedside where I would record what I could remember of the songs.
It's a fairly simple melody. 4/4 time. Light bass. Some piano (at least in the beginning).
The voice is pretty much what I remember. The melody is partially gone.
It's as if the singer recounts the ways this guy shows his love to a woman. I don't remember many of the words. It was along the lines of:
You buy her favorite flowers.
Background lyrics (soft, as though they are whispers): even when she's told you to stop.
You're always there for her.
Background: whether she expects you or not.
You'd follow her to the moon and back
Background: just to put your hungry heart at ease
She takes your breath away.
Background: every time you see her she flees
(in the vision he's still floating that river of lava, his eyes are burned out and glowing)
You're always there for her.
Background: why can't she appreciate all of the crap that you've bought
Why doesn't she understand that love ignored turns to hate?
She'll figure it out when it's a tad bit too late.
It went along those lines, I don't remember any of the lyrics except the last line. The song started off like a man loving someone and by the end of the song he was threatening her.
There is only one line I remember and that is
"You only have to have her when her love for you has gone."
At this point in the vision, I witness two Mananaggal vampires* holding this guy down in the river of lava.
Hmmmm……
I'm assuming that the hypnogogic vision is a warning about one of my exes.
My subconscious mind must think I'm safe. He's burning in a hell of his own creation and he's attracting other obnoxious individuals into his life that will ensure his demise.
Like attracts like. Insane obsessive people attract other insane obsessive people.
Emotional vampires attract other emotional vampires.
Stalking and emotional abuse is a form of emotional vampirism.
I'm going to be pondering that vision for a very, very long time.
I'm probably going to stop watching news reports out of the Big Island, too.
******
This is what happens when I have time to sleep.
I had one day off. That was yesterday. Today was Hypno-Sunday. I go to my other job tomorrow.
Tuesday I'm going to be looking for another job/internship.
I think I need to keep myself busy so I don't have time to try to understand what happened.
I will never understand what happened.
I will never understand why in the world someone would give his crazed sister keys to every house we owned;
tell his mother I wouldn't let him go to school (ugh...)
and that I broke his nose;
give his family my internet passwords without my knowledge;
let them know every aspect of my life;
put a GPS box on my vehicle and spyware on my computers and phone,
and then pretend that he doesn't know why his family is mad at me
or how they know how to find me.
All the while he told me that he NEVER spoke to his relatives because he was abused as a child!
Ugh....
I needed to get away from the craziness.
As far as I can tell, it is still going on.
Or at least, I'm still blamed for his problems. It is probably that blame that underlies the harassment I endured from his family since 1992.
So....
being a good little Pagan (or Dark Lady/Gypsy if you're a Cher fan), .
I'll buy an aloe plant to ward the vampires away from my home.
Perhaps, rather than aloe, it is my faith that scares the creepy men away.
Love ya lots,
S.
*A Manananggal vampire/witch is a mythological monster in the Philippines. It is said to typically be a beautiful woman with wings who can sever her body in the middle as she flies off in search of children to feast upon at night. Some say you can see her spine and entrails as she flies through the air.
So my subconscious choosing that particular type of vampire to attack this man must speak to my internal depiction of such a man as a child.