Today I am thankful for the wisdom of a police officer.
I called her in 2012, after the election, concerned about the stalking. I told her as much as I could; the office break-ins, my billing clerk being hassled, my being watched during meetings and lunches by people I didn't know who resembled my ex, the phone calls....
I didn't get through it all - she interrupted me with
"I know who your stalker is."
"It is your husband."
She wanted me to stop talking about it. She is with the local police department and in talking to other officers she specializes in domestic violence.
She doesn't return calls. The officers don't take reports.
She left me with one tidbit that still sticks out - "when something feels wrong, pay attention."
The energy doesn't just feel wrong. The warning signals aren't just buzzing.
They're blaring.
I'm going to record it in the hopes that I'm just paranoid.
I don't think I am.
Something seems strange.
*****
My ex husband has been reaching out more in the past ten days than before.
The last verbal conversation I had with him was the day before Father's Day. He wanted me to drop what I was doing and drag the kids to a theater and wait for him to see a movie with them.
I had to drive them. I had to be there just in case the visit didn't last very long (last time....I had to pay someone to come get the kiddos because he ended the visit early. I had planned on an eye exam. The visit ended before my hour long appointment was over).
I had an intensive post-graduate class that Sunday. He had only given me twelve hours notice. There was no time to switch every one's schedules. These classes are only offered a few times per year. They are mandated by the State of Colorado. If I want to go back to work as a counselor, I need these classes. I can make more money working as a counselor which will help keep my ex's child support ridiculously low.
Yet again, I asked him to tell me what he wanted and invited him to go to mediation with me and work out a more realistic and stable visitation schedule.
He told me to set everything up. He needs to take a bit of ownership here. I've tried to do that before, he doesn't cooperate. He needs to make the effort this time.
This is not the first time I've made that request. I asked last year and was told to do whatever I wanted to do.
I am now interviewing lawyers and stressing about how I'm going to come up with the $5,000 retainer.
Sigh....
The contacts this week seem harmless enough - until one realizes the frequency of them.
It started with a text he sent while I was visiting a doctor who was deciding whether or not I needed to go the hospital for a kidney infection.
The text offered to pay for school yearbooks for the kids. I was more concerned about who was going to care for them if I were hospitalized, so I didn't answer.
I came home and found that he sent an email asking me to read the text. Again, I didn't answer right away because I was in horrid pain and trying to get better.
When I finally answered, I mentioned that there were more pressing needs: medical issues, braces, senior portrait fees, marching band school fees (didn't tell him I couldn't send the kiddo to Washington with her school band due to lack of funds), college entry costs and senior exam fees.
He wrote back complaining that he only netted $500 per check. That's more than I get,...gross. I'm not the one under-employing myself.
He continued to write. At least one email each day wanting the cell phone numbers for the kiddos.
Because they're either at or nearing the age of majority and I still want them to talk to me after they move out, I asked permission to share their numbers with him.
They told me NO!
Now, I've spent a pretty penny keeping their phone service going so they have the same numbers. He didn't like it when I told him to try the numbers he already has....sigh....technically, I didn't give the numbers to him. He already has them!
Besides, they have the landline in their bedrooms. The answering machine in the eldest kiddo's room so I don't get to hear the messages. I reminded him of this.
Well, he hasn't really seen them. They're telling me that he wasn't been very nice those times when I worked and he squatted in the house. I'd like to get all of them into therapy, however, because he has 50% custody, I cannot do that without his consent until they are fifteen (the age of psychotherapeutic consent with a licensed practitioner in Colorado).
This is part of the reason I'm looking for another lawyer. My last lawyer's paralegal told me not to worry about it because he wouldn't get to keep his visitation and custody arrangement. She did not want to get anything in writing.
My view is that if it is NOT on paper, it's not legal. I have to go back to court to clarify things.
Things are expensive when one's ex is not cooperative.
I have received six or so emails in the past few days from my ex about the yearbooks, receipts for the yearbooks, the children's phone numbers and so on. Actually it's far more than six.
I just got one telling me that it's up to the kids to contact him. Hello?? They're teenagers!! Um.....
sigh.....I just don't know.....
It is to the point I dread checking my email.
I do have a concern here, this guy recently accused me of stalking and harassing him. This is the reason that he gives for not honoring the divorce decree and sharing information about his whereabouts and his employment.
Yeah....he's writing two very distinct addresses in the signatures of the emails: one is to a homeless shelter, the other within a local condo development.
There is a chance he lying about something.
I can't afford a lawyer. My car is dying. A kid needs braces. I may need surgery.
On the other hand, I cannot afford to be without a lawyer.
It seems like he's spending more time trying to contact me. There seems to be an element of projection here - I don't stalk him. He stalks me.
People who have a Cluster B diagnosis (anti-social, narcissistic, borderline, and/or histrionic) tend to project their behavior on to others. Projection is often a good clue as to what they are up to doing. For instance, the narcissistic guy who claims you are cheating is cheating on you. If he claims you're stealing the retirement funds, check the account balance.
Those are hard learned lessons.
This is contributing to a small amount of my unease. He went from silence for 16 months to nearly daily contact with me.
******
The above is just a side note.
Yesterday there were was an issue that scared the holy heck out of my twenty-year old daughter. She refused to call the police.
Yeah....the local police department has been shooting innocent people for awhile. They killed two civilians in the past week; one of whom was an innocent homeowner who utilized Colorado's Make My Day laws to protect his family.
I'm actually getting emails from constituents about that. It has been SEVEN years since I ran for office. Really? Do our current city council members refuse to listen? Why are people reaching out to me?
I don't mind. I'm probably the person with the least amount of power here.
I'm pondering what I can do. I'll pray. The last time I lit a candle and prayed I was invited to join a political race by one of my opponents.
Sigh.....
No organization is 100% bad or 100% good. The officer that gave me the advice works with the department.
This is scaring people to the point they are afraid to call the police.
If no one believes me, I actually had this conversation with someone across town yesterday. Someone threatened him with a note. I told him to take the note to the police and he refused by citing the police shootings.
I never thought the news would keep my kiddos from calling our PAR officer.
So.....here is what happened:
The kids claimed they saw a pizza delivery driver go up and down our block twice. He spent a few minutes in his car in our driveway before moving on.
He came back about an hour later and spent more time in front of the house.
It seemed innocent enough - until they told me that he continued to come and go throughout the day. He would stop in front the houses of our neighbors and linger for several minutes.
They didn't recognize the car. It was small. It was silver. They didn't get a plate number. They got the name of the pizza company.
They didn't recognize the driver.
My security camera had run out of batteries....ugh!!!
Their concern is that he may have been casing the neighborhood.
When Michael's family was following me, it wasn't uncommon to find them in my driveway blocking the exit from the house. They often parked in front of my house, too.
These were people I didn't recognize until my ex started sharing their pictures with me. He knew who they were.
The officer was right.
******
I don't know. I may ask the kids to reach out to the PAR officer. I'll drive the block a few times today to see if I can find someone with a silver car that fits the description.
This is frightening only because of what we've been through.
I have no idea if any of these things are connected at all.
I am uncomfortable enough to jot it down.
I have the day off.
It's lawyer interviewing day!
Please stay safe out there.
I'm realizing I need to stop praying for all the peace officers I drive past in traffic. I think I need to start praying for the occupants in every home in the city.
Perhaps I should pray that the officers not kill or beat anyone that day.
Maybe next time, I'll write about my theory as to why police officers are shooting more people.
Okay....I'll tell you know.
Most police forces hire people who were recently discharged from the military. While the military does a good job of traumatizing service members, it does an absolutely horrible job treating PTSD. I think this is why many well meaning officers are little too quick on the trigger. We need to offer better mental health services to our veterans.
Our police force needs to do a better job policing their own and offering mental health services to prevent this kind of thing. Seriously....we're not doing them any favors if we don't get them help prior to their shooting an innocent. If you care about your officers, you don't want to risk any of them living with that kind of guilt....would you?
The police woman that arrested the sexual assault victim for saying the word "cunt" was former military. This came right after women who were raped in the military were vilified and blamed. I saw this event as a result of our government's neglect of victimized women in the force.
We are not doing enough to make our veterans whole after we traumatize them in needless wars.
Yeah...I could write a book on the problem with mental health training and licensure. The mental health system does a good job of further victimizing people. I wonder if people in pain just give up.
As human beings, our lives are interconnected. Neglecting one person will often have a ricochet effect in that multiple other people will be impacted.
Not helping a vet who becomes a police officer
could cause him or her to accidentally harm or kill another person
which, in turn, can cause other people to refrain from asking for needed help
and cause these other people to become victims themselves.
I thought I made this clear to local leadership in 2011. I must've failed in my communication.
The lesson seems lost on those in power.
May the universe guide the premise to someone who can do something about it.
Love ya,
S.
P.S. I am watching the video of a county sheriff candidate beating the hell out of an acquaintance of mine who stood in a doorway of a court house with a camera.
He is insecure as hell! His body language betrays his lack of confidence.
Then I saw a video of the current sheriff arresting her for trying to deliver a CORA request.
In this video, the current sheriff looks sad and worried. It's obvious he doesn't want to set my friend up.
I'm realizing that something is off in this particular county.
I wonder who is pushing the insecure guy who beats women into the Sheriff's seat.
I wonder if the current Sheriff is sad because he had to give up his job or behave in illegal ways to make this person happy.
I think it's time to investigate the political structure of Morgan County. If this happens to her, I'm sure it happens to other people.
Sigh....
The candidate will probably be the first person I paint for my Black n' Blue Baton Collection because he inspired the project.
I always thought the only Martin I'd paint would have six strings.
Sigh....
I'm going to paint one a few strings short of a coherent melody.
Even if one is lacking a couple strings, with enough time and education, he can learn to play the most beautiful melodies on just a few strings just by changing his position and the way he uses his hands.
I'm wondering if this guy is a veteran.
If you want to see the video, Morgan County put out a heavily redacted version which cuts from moments of truth making the officer look frustrated but still unjustified (you don't beat a woman up because you don't like what she says). Another bystander put up a much longer recording of the event. This where we see the officer wringing his hands before the encounter and acting like a jackass after he throws this woman to the ground.
Gosh...we need to do more for the people who serve us. If we can't stop the stupid wars, the least we can do is stop traumatizing people and refusing to help them.
If we don't, we will all pay the price.