Today I am thankful for my neighbor.
My neighbor is a retired Private Investigator and former New York City cop.
He's tough.
He bailed me out of a stalking incident a few years back when a guy pretending to be with Ameriprise tried to get into my house with a ink-jet printed badge and no real ID.
The insurance company didn't send him.
A few days after the second incident with this guy, my ex claimed this guy contacted him via email to look at the house -but- that doesn't explain why he showed up when I had to leave for job interviews and block the garage. Nor does it explain why he drove towards the kids and I head on in the street one morning as I left to take the kids to school.
I don't believe it was a coincidence that he'd block my driveway when I needed to leave for job interviews nor do I think it was a coincidence that he knew exactly when I took the children to school. I'm pretty sure someone told him what I was doing and when. I'm pretty sure that someone was my ex-husband.
I'm thinking this guy was one of my ex-husband's cousins. He had a strong resemblance to his uncle. His uncle died a week prior to the harassment and the funeral was the day of the first incident. I'm thinking this was somehow connected to my ex and his family.
I spied the guy taking photos through my windows one morning when coming home from dropping the kids off from school.
I didn't have my cell phone. I didn't have a camera.
I ran to my neighbor's house and he came out in his night shorts and confronted the man.
That was May of 2015.
My neighbor has been trying to get me to date for a few years now.
I'm not ready.
He said that if I wait too long, I'll miss my chance.
I don't want to drag some poor man into the drama that is my life.
I'm probably going to have to move away from the stalkerish ex-in-laws in order to feel safe dating.
Sigh.....
Yesterday, this neighbor pulled me aside and mentioned that he ran into my ex-husband at a movie theater over the weekend. Apparently Michael was hiding his face and trying to slink down in his chair so my neighbor wouldn't notice him.
My neighbor, a retired cop, notices everything.
After the movie, he approached my ex to try to talk to him.
He asked if he had a job - my ex stated that he would not answer the question. He asked if he had a place to stay or if he was in a shelter - again, my ex told him that he would not answer the question.
My neighbor thought it was weird. In the past, my ex and this guy were fairly chummy. This guy went to great lengths to secure job interviews or my ex - but my ex refused to schedule them.
I told my neighbor that my ex is trying to avoid a child support re-calculation. I let the State of Colorado gut his child support because they told me that he was indigent and in an alcoholic rehabilitation center.
I found out last week that this wasn't true.
My ex doesn't want to tell me or the court if and where he is working or where he is living. It doesn't matter if he's found in contempt of court again. He does not want me to know.
I can't even forward his mail to him!
I went on to mention that my ex accused me of harassing him at work and calling his former boss to get him fired.
Weird.....I know.
I've never called his boss. Over the years, his mother and sister have called my bosses in the past to try to get me fired. My ex would scream at me when I was on the phone with my bosses. One of whom was the former District Attorney (who urged me to divorce back in '98).
I never have done these things. I can barely find the time to pee throughout the day, let alone harass people.
I'm trying to find the time to share footage of police officers refusing to move their cars out of handicap spots with the media and disability advocacy groups. I've been working on that for over a week.
If I had time to harass people, I'd make the harassment worth while!
...except my ex-husband's family. They don't work....so....they have time to cause trouble.
When my ex-husband refused to move out of the house, I can see why no one (meaning the Aurora police) wanted to take police reports and investigate. My ex may have given his relatives keys to the house and my calendar.
In fact, right before I filed for a divorce, my ex claimed to have given his sister a key to the house and told her to drop by any time. He immediately told me that he was lying. I don't know what to think about that one.
Maybe his relatives were just visiting the squatter who refused to leave. If so, wouldn't they knock? Why park and block the driveway? Why pretend to be someone else? Why go to my office and harass my billing clerk?
The police told me who was behind the harassment. They just didn't want to take reports. Their refusing to take a report didn't help me at all. It helped drag the abuse out.
You cannot get a permanent restraining order without a police report.
Now...I will not hesitate to call the police. If they refuse to take a report, I'll bitch to the City Council. If they refuse to listen, I'll go to the media.
There is absolutely no reason for people to harass me at work or home now.
None....
****
I've spent some time on YouTube watching stories of women who were stalked during their marriages.
Most of the stories mirror mine.
The husband was controlling.
He was jealous.
If she were near men, he'd freak out and stalk her.
In 2011, I ran against three men in a political race. That must have really pissed him off.
They were all married to smart, beautiful, and kind women - so, seriously.....I KNOW these men didn't think of me in any type of romantic term.
No one wants to trade in a Cadillac for a beat up old Ford Pinto.
It didn't matter. Jealous people are going to be jealous - no matter what.
I saw videos about people who stalk pretending to be the victims of stalking.
I guess one reason they do that to throw the cops off of their trails. They lie so much that they confuse the issue. If the story gets too confusing authorities (like the cops and judges) throw up their hands and refuse to do anything.
I think that is why he's claiming that I'm stalking him.
That's okay.
Either he's trying to frustrate the issue
-or-
he's crazy: crazy in the narcissistic drama, crazy-making, reality bending kind of way.
He's refusing to see a therapist - he had ten visits over the past four years and doesn't feel he needs any more.
Therapists can't fix crazy making behavior: they can guide people into making needed changes but the onus is on the patient.
No one can, in all reality, control another person.
I'm realizing that I am going to need to keep this guy away until he gets help.
The best way to do that is to NOT go after child support.
I KNOW he's working. I KNOW it will go higher if I push the issue.
That will put the kids and I in a situation that could become dangerous.
So....I'll have to ponder what is fair for a guy who abandoned his kids.
Will he take his anger and blame towards me out on the kids?
He's blaming me for everything that has gone wrong in his life.
This is disturbing.
******
I asked him to start calling the kids.
He won't.
He's missing their birthdays.
I can't help him build a relationship he doesn't want to build.
I think that there will need to be a therapist involved.
A few days after he left, the kids ventured into the basement to clean out his room for a friend who was thrown out of her home for being gay and misplacing a fork (seriously.....I know...it's a crazy thing to ruin your relationship with your kid over....sigh....some people suck).
They found my ex-husband's sex toys and porn. He trashed the house*. There is mold in the bathroom and bedroom. I have to replace the plumbing and the carpet. I'm working on getting a loan.
I think that mess scarred them on some level. He's going to have to address the mess he left with them.
I had no idea he papered the floor with porn of redheaded women who resemble me.
I should have gone into the basement before letting the kids venture into those rooms.
It was disgusting.
*******
I'm just documenting that other people are catching wind of my ex's fear of my knowing anything about his life.
I also want to document that he is accusing me of stalking him and blaming me for ruining his life.
I can only laugh in disbelief.
There really is no time for stalking or trouble making.....I'm a post-graduate student, looking for an internship, with her own small business and a job.
Um.....
Yeah....if I had that kind of time, I could probably take another class and finish my program sooner.
I'm scared.
There is nothing I can do to make someone else behave or tell the truth.
If someone is acting crazy and telling stories, I can, at the very least, stay far away.
Love ya,
S.
*I've learned that it isn't uncommon for exes to refuse to leave the marital home despite court orders demanding that they leave. When I mentioned that he trashed the house, I was told by another therapist "exes have been known to do that."
That put it in perspective. I should have had him forcibly removed from my home on October 21, 2013 as that was the initial date he was court ordered out of the house.
He left on December 23, 2016 with the car I was given in the divorce. After NUMEROUS eviction notices were taped to all of the doors.
Sigh.....I was too nice. He can blame me for that.