Today I am thankful for people I see everyday.
In our lives, we have strangers that we see everyday.
There are the people who walk their dogs as we leave for work,
the little old lady waiting at the bus stop as we pass by,
the shoppers at the market every Thursday at 6:00,
even the little kids that cross the street like clockwork each afternoon as they leave school.
It's shocking to me how much we notice when one of these people are missing.
I often find myself praying when the man with the walker isn't in the park at noon.
Every day, since 2008, he has walked in the park.
He wasn't there today.
I wonder if he injured himself?
These are the people in the neighborhood.
The friends I could have....if we weren't always rushing around and about.
I never thought that they ever noticed me.
One did.
*****
I must be somewhat happy.
Life is stabilizing a little bit.
I'm finding ways of getting money to pay bills.
I'm finding refinance options for my student loans.
I'm fixing some things myself.
I've learned to cut hair. My hair doesn't have the same curl as when I pay someone to cut it -but- at least I don't have frizz anymore.
I think it'll be okay.
My new job is nice.
I love the people.
One of my crushes from my last two former employers, joined the team.
It was nice when he ran up to hug me.
He wants tutelage in erotic hypnosis.
He wants verbal instruction so he can use it on his girlfriend.
So no.....there is no touching.
Just reports of his happy girlfriend.
He's happy because she's happy.
When he's happy, he smiles.
I like his smile.
It's worth being celibate.
Besides....I'm not sure he's the one for me.
I can't date if I'm still dreaming of someone from my past. I need to learn the lesson from that relationship so I can move on.
I'll know when I learn the lesson because the crazy dreams will stop.
*****
I go to the local market to buy fruit, veggies and fresh bread on a daily basis.
I stare at the tofu (the noun....not the verb).
When I ate tofu, I was a size 8.
The doctor told me I was allergic so I began to eat other things (like chicken and beef).
I'm now a size 14.
It could have something to do with other protein sources I lost around 2001.
Maybe my mouth isn't wrinkled because I don't drink from a straw anymore.
I'm so afraid of the stalking that I trained myself not to look at men.
I notice them -but-
I don't notice them.
I ignore their flirtations.
My friend have to explain it to me.
******
A few months back, I met an Australian man everyone called "Boy." We were in the arts district.
He was my age and handsome. He thought we should hook up because my name means "girl."
I thought he was joking.
My friends didn't think so.
I've avoided the area so I don't feel tempted again.
*****
There are lots of stories like that....
the social worker who wants to know what I do on the weekends.....
the hot guy with the earring who stares at my butt....
the guy who always has to bend down in front of me to tie his shoe each and every time we meet....
the guy who hit my car and had to stop by my home several times to offer to fix it and then to hang out to talk about his mom....
I wonder what they want.
I'm prone to thinking that they just want friendship -but- my friends tell me that they want a tad bit more.
I thought these things stopped when we grew older.
*****
Today....
in the parking lot of a grocery store....
one of the men that I see every few days around the neighborhood
yelled at me from across the parking lot.
He said "Red, with that smile on your face I have to know what you have done!"
I didn't know how to respond.
I just waved.
Did I not smile all those other times we met?
Hmmmm......
maybe that explains the frown lines.
If we meet again, it is going to be awkward.
*****
There are those who say that a smile betrays discomfort and unease.
Maybe I'm just uncomfortable.
Maybe I'm happy that things are falling into place.
I don't know.
I really don't.
I hope you're comfortable.
I hope you're happy.
May your wildest dreams come true.
Love ya lots,
S.