Today I am thankful for downloads on the internet.
Today I downloaded information about the The National Child Support Noncustodial Parent Employment Demonstration (CSPED). It would seem that Arapahoe County is ignoring the rules.
I am also thankful that the people funding CO-PEP understood that domestic violence is often a part of family life. They have accounted for this fact by partnering offices with a domestic violence expert. My ex should also have a case manager. Is that person aware of the stalking and nutty messages I receive now?
My ex was my stalker. He claims to be a victim who is homeless and voluntarily in a 27 month rehab program for alcoholics (even though he swears up and down he's not a drinker - I've never seen him drink alcohol either because the doc said it would kill him).
CO-PEP is a division of the Child Support Enforcement office. My ex reached out to them to lower his child support payments.
They did. They asked for information, promised to help me find a job and demanded that I hire an attorney. They cut his child support by more than 60%.
Of course, they don't help custodial parents find work. The program that helps laid off individuals find jobs was cut by the Trump administration.
I know another program, I'd LOVE to see the Republicans cut. Here's a hint: It's The National Child Support Noncustodial Parent Employment Demonstration (CSPED)!
Of course, since CO-PEP put him in a 27 month rehab program, he won't be able to pay me a penny until most of the children are out of the house. He cannot work. He cannot help with medical expenses or paying the testing fees for the high school. He will not help them learn to drive.
I'm on my own.
My ex has sent me messages suggesting that he is my victim. He demands money. He says he doesn't care about the kids and writes that I can do whatever I want with visitation.
There is so much darn manipulation that I stopped reading and responding to his messages. The only reason he can contact me is if he wants to see the kids.
If he's in rehab for the next two and a quarter years, he won't be able to exercise his visitation.
I'm not going to respond any more. It's exhausting.
CO-PEP has been his partner in creating drama and more abuse. At least it seems that way.
It seems to me that the Feds knew that programs that coddle non-custodial parents will cater to domestic abusers. It will give the impression that the Feds agree with the abuser and be used as a bully club to get the victim to cave into demands. These programs can give abusers the idea that they are a victim. They can give the true victims the idea that no one cares.
It is just another way for an abuser to continue the financial abuse. I think that is why they were trying to head that off with access to a domestic violence expert.
In my original documentation, I clicked the box that stated there was domestic violence present. I did not elect to hide my address from the abuser because.....well...he and his family have stalked me at my home.
They know where I live.
Hiding my address would have been just plain silly.
Many domestic abusers refuse to pay child support so that they can limit the options for their ex. In many cases, such as my own, they do this in the hopes of reconciling and living with their victim again.
The last time I saw my ex, it was at a bus stop in July. He wanted documents. I provided them. I told him about a job offer from a neighbor who manages a call center for a very large corporation. The job would be a foot in the door and they had numerous accounting opportunities. My ex was a half-of an hour late to the bus stop,. He met me clutching a suitcase. I left after he started yelling at me because he wasn't interested in a job paying only $15.50 an hour.
A few weeks later, he told me that he was homeless. At this time, the city in which I live was funding his apartment. I wonder what he did to lose that benefit?
My daughter said he's trying to come back into our family home.
That must've been why he connected with CO-PEP.
CO-PEP said that he can only make $12 an hour and adjusted his support accordingly. It appears he held a $12 an hour job for less than a month. Prior to this, he made $50,000 per year as an accountant.
It doesn't matter what I do, I am wrong.
I stopped enabling him or trying to help.
I think taxpayers ought to stop enabling domestic abusers who don't want to take financial responsibility for their children.
There must be a reason why the original concept for the non-custodial parent employment project included a domestic violence component.
There are other things about CO-PEP that disturb me. They ignored the information I shared. I am very organized and sent them years of documentation about my ex's wages. They ignored me and told me to get a lawyer.
I was promised a mediation session with my ex. I was told I had to agree to changes in mediation.
They also ignored letters from my attorney's office. They pushed forward with a court date. I was told that if my ex could provide a letter stating that he was in a voluntary rehab, he wouldn't need to pay child support and that a judge could vacate it.
I was stuck. Why is it the kids' fault that my ex is pretending to be a drunk?
My understanding is that voluntary choices should not impact child support.
Maybe the rules don't apply to manipulative men.
To a domestic violence victim, especially one who had been stalked, being ignored is a painful reminder that no one really cares to hear about the abuse. It keeps her irrelevant. It shows, yet again, that the abuser will win because domestic violence (even stalking) is accepted as normal by the authorities.
Police wouldn't take reports. CO-PEP ignored the information I shared which proved my ex made $50,000 a year at his last real job. The authorities don't care.
Again.....the squeaky wheel gets the grease. NO wonder he's slimy.
Do you want to take a bet as to who can tell the story louder?
It's NOT my ex.
I'll leave the link to the Pdf. here.
https://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/programs/css/csped_fact_sheet_1_march_2015.pdf
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The original point to The National Child Support Noncustodial Parent Employment Demonstration (CSPED) and the Colorado Parent Employment Project (CO-PEP) was to help non-custodial parents find employment and have relationships with their children. It was supposed to help meet the best interests of the children.
In this instance, it failed miserably.
I am hoping that I am the exception rather than the rule.
Knowing what I know about government offices, I'm going to bet my experience IS common.
All it did was put me into debt because I had to hire an attorney to get them to talk to me. So far, just to get information, it cost me $3,670. My attorney only charges me $200 an hour! That is a lot of back and forth with CO-PEP just to try to figure out what is going on!
Allegedly, CO-PEP put my ex in a voluntary rehab program for alcoholics that will keep him from working or seeing the children for 27 months.
They are also giving my ex an excuse not to cooperate with the court. He actually has the impression that CO-PEP are working on his behalf (rather than the children).
My ex sent me numerous emails stating that he didn't have to share his mailing address with the court because CO-PEP "knew where he was at."
He also doesn't feel the need to cooperate. The court is now sending his documentation to my home. I just put it back in the mail hoping that USPS forwards it to him. I doubt my ex updated his mailing address.
I KNOW the City of Aurora offers mailing addresses to homeless people. Even if he is truly homeless, he has no excuse NOT to receive his mail.
CO-PEP succeeded at lowering his child support. I had to agree because I couldn't afford paying my lawyer more than $4,000. As of this writing, there are no child support payments scheduled (because my ex, allegedly, cannot work for the next 27 months). There is no plan to re-visit the issue or address his $42,000 in arrearages.
Something is off.
I'm currently trying to find out who I need to inform about CO-PEP's failures. Do I go to the Feds? Do I go to my state lawmakers? Do I go to the press?
They're lucky I have to work three jobs - if I didn't, I'd run for the state house. The press would do me good.
The Gods put me in these situations because I can sing about the issues. Back in the day, I was in a country band. Singing miserable songs (albeit badly) comes naturally to me.
Love ya,
S.
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