Today I am thankful that I've decided to love....no matter what.
I was wrong.
I was wrong when I tried to convince myself to stop loving people from my past.
There is nothing wrong with love: the only thing that can be wrong is what behavior we excuse in the name of love.
It's okay for me to care about and love people as long as I don't get myself into a situation where I'm helping them ruin their relationships.
I've decided stop hiding from people I care about.
I came to this decision due to a dream.
*****
I find white feathers while walking around. In the past, when this happened, I'd run into people from my past....
okay it was a certain person.
I found a silver key. The Pagans of old believed that when you found a key and picked it up....all you had to do is call out a name and the person would be yours.
I put the key on Aphrodite's altar.
I don't know whose name to call out.
Perhaps...I could have screamed out "Spot!"
I'd welcome a puppy despite my allergies.
I also keep finding red ribbon. I tie them on my key chain and when it gets full, I put them in a box on Aphrodite's altar.
There is a red ribbon spell where you say a chant and a name of a potential lover to bring that person to you.
I haven't wanted anyone in so long, I truly can't remember the chant*.
Maybe I'll look it up in one of the Books of Shadows I've collected over the years.
I must've forgotten.....it's a grave insult to Aphrodite to turn away love.
There is a song I'm always hearing. I don't know what the song means but it seems like every time I turn on the car radio, I hear Dreams by Fleetwood Mac. I'll download the song and meditate to it.
Maybe it's time for me to reckon with the sense of isolation I feel. I made dumb decisions. This is probably may way of realizing that my dumb decisions left me (and maybe someone else) lonely.
I hope I'm the only person impacted by my decision to be alone.
******
I awoke to a splendid vision.
It was of Aphrodite wearing an amazing, gleaming gold headdress over her strawberry blonde hair. She's wearing a white dress and a golden belt. She literally sparkled. I felt her hover over the left side of my body.
On the right was Ares, The God of War and Aphrodite's great love, dressed in his armor.
In front of me was Eros, sparking of gold, holding up a box that resembled a movie screen. On the screen, an image of a man curled up in the corner of a white tiled bathroom floor, writhing in pain played out for me.
The image grew closer and closer.
Within moments, I found myself as part of that scene, in the bathroom with the man writhing in pain on the floor.
I meditated on it. In the meditation, I was trying to comfort the poor soul by laying near him and gently combing my fingers through his hair.
I didn't have the courage to look at his face.
Whoever he is, he deserving of human compassion.
It was a very interesting start to my day.
I've felt a little bit humbled.
I've found myself wondering.......
if a friend were in need......
would I ignore him?
I ignored people for a long time.
I was afraid to meet with people in public due to the stalking.
I wonder.....if I could have made a difference to someone by not hiding.
I'm done hiding today.
There may or may not be a man that I know who spent this morning writhing on a bathroom floor....
of course, with flu season as bad as it is.....
there just may be.
I've spend the better part of the day reflecting on the dream.
The only realization that I really have, outside of the need to stop hiding, is that all I really want for my friends is their happiness.
That's it.
May you be happy.
Love,
S.
* Talisman of Love: Red Ribbon Spell
To discover a bit of red ribbon, string, wool, or piece of fabric indicates luck in love and a change in romantic fortunes. Pick it up and make a wish. (If you can't think of one, requesting luck and happiness in love is more than appropriate.). Carry the ribbon as an amulet (Julia Illes, The Element Encyclopedia of 5000 Spells, p. 682).