Warped Gratitude Blog

This song is an excellent description of a narcissist.   Today I am thankful for discoveries.... even if they make me feel paranoid. I think I need to move. I've been working a crazy temp job.  It features long hours and low pay.  The commute is long, so I'm gone about 10.5 hours each day. A single mom not receiving child support has to do what a single parent in that situation is supposed to do. Work hard. What I've been doing is washing my clothes every seven days and wearing the same outfits over and over. I don't use my favorite clothes for this job. I store my nice underthings in a box under my bed.  I haven't even tried dating for over three years, so I just keep them in a box.  If I wear ugly undies...the worst thing that can happen is that I visit the Emergency Room.  It's happened twice in three months! I keep my underwear in a green stripped box. Yesterday I found them in a floral box. I did not put them there. ...

Today I am thankful that I met my former boss.... and I understand the saying that people stay or leave jobs due to their bosses.   I wrote earlier about how my boss was a sales wiz and that he promised to teach me how to create a sense of urgency to sell. I sell Medicare Advantage plans. He did a good job.....but....his bosses expect him too pressure seniors to buy plans that were unfit for them. In fact, because they only count the number of enrollments, we are pressured to re-enroll people into the same plan they already have. I refuse to do this. As a result, my numbers suck. We are not allowed to transfer current members to customer service.  I spend most of my day playing the role of customer service agent. I get in trouble for not selling to current members happy with their plans. This is why I am looking for a new job. My new job, should I pass the background check, will start December 4th and be with the ethical company that I previously repre...

Today I am thankful for a fun dream. Right before waking up, I had a dream of a very old friend kissing a beautiful blond before jumping out of an airplane with her. That was nice. For once, I had a dream of an old friend that wasn't a nightmare. That was appreciated. I think I had that dream because today is his birthday. What a nice start to the day. My day didn't stay nice. ******* My new employer wanted copies of all of my tax records for the past ten years.  They asked that I order my wage and income statements directly from the IRS. I received them today. I can see when my ex raided part of the 401Ks.  Some of it wasn't accounted for, so I don't know what to think about that. Sadly, my new employer is going to think that I can't manage money. Don't stay married to financial idiots, the fallout can last for years. ****** I just got news that the auntie who raised me after my mother died has a terminal illness.  I don't kno...

Today I am thankful for friendship. In a post hidden from my kiddos, I asked my Facebook buddies if they'd ever been in the shocking position of having someone they knew for a long-time be an alcoholic - and then deny being in a 18-27 month alcohol treatment program for alcoholism by stating they are only depressed. It only took me a day to realize that my ex-husband meant that he was BOTH depressed and alcoholic. I'm angry. I WILL never trust him again. I am refusing to read the emails he's sending.  He wants me to pass messages on to the kids for him. He can text them. I'm tired of the crap. I will probably cave to CO-PEP's demands that I lower his child support and give him a 18-27 month grace period so he doesn't have to pay it. IF HE SO MUCH AS DROPS OUT PRIOR TO THAT 18 MONTHS AND REFUSE TO MODIFY BACK TO AN APPROPRIATE LEVEL, I WILL COME AFTER THAT AGENCY LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL. HOW MANY OTHER SINGLE PARENTS GET SCREWED AROUND BY ...

Today I am thankful that I know people fighting bad government. Yesterday, I received an email claiming my ex was an alcoholic and demanding that I allow him to permanently reduce his child support and absolve him of any responsibility to carry health insurance on the kids.  The reason for this, I was told, is that he is in an inpatient drug and alcoholic rehabilitation program sponsored by the Denver Rescue Mission. I was also told that he would be there for a minimum of 18 months and only make $6 per week, so he can't pay child support.  I was told that he would possibly be there as long as 27 months.  For this reason, the lowering of his support would be permanent. He would not be allowed to visit the children. I wish he were not allowed to contact me. In court filings, the Colorado Child Support Services division gave him the bright idea of avoiding child support for 18 months by entering this program. They provided my ex with three lawyers to fight me....

Today I am thankful for what sounds like a lie.... but could, perhaps, be the truth (????).   I was told today that my ex-husband is an alcoholic and cannot be expected to pay child support..  He has allegedly been an alcoholic so long that the State of Colorado has enrolled him into a substance abuse program with the Denver Rescue Mission that will prevent him from working for at least 18 months (maybe longer...up to 27 months). There will be no turkey donations this year to the Denver Rescue Mission.  Well, I'll probably never donate to them again.  I won't be able to afford them because I'm going to have to rebuild the IRA my ex stole after the kids grow up. If he paid his child support, I could afford to put 10% of my earnings into my IRA. I can't even make the bills right now. I was hoping to get help so I could save a little money for retirement. I'm more angry that they are enabling a liar. It's a deadbeat dad's world. Liars tend...

Cyrus is a talented young lady but she's a little green when it comes to the realities of self-protection.  May she never live the horror 1 out of 4 women endure.   Today I am thankful that the universe heard me.  My favorite healthcare company in the world had a recruiter call me about a job. Isn't that fun? I haven't even applied. The interview was easy.  They said they'd start the background check next week. Interesting. Things are looking up. I had the day off because my blood pressure shot up to 164/122.  I kept getting dizzy and headachy, so I took the day off to go to the doctor. I didn't want to pass out at work and scare my boss. As I sat home waiting for the doctor's office to call me, I received an email inviting me to an interview. I went in and was told I was a shoo in for the job. That is the universe in action, isn't it? My first lesson is to express gratitude for those organizations and people you respect...

Today I am thankful for the advice of a nurse..... and the comforting visions that kept me sane while waiting for the IV drips and procedures to be completed. 000375705 So.....I faint.... a lot. I've always fainted in steamy rooms and while working out. In 1998, they thought it was a cardiac event.  I kept going to the gym and fainting on the treadmill. I had a lot of tests done and was informed it was exercise induced asthma. They gave me an inhaler.  I never used it. I no longer wear a size 5 because I'm too terrified to push it in the gym. In 2007, I began fainting a lot at home.  It got to the point it was ignored because I always woke up. I did have an episode where I fainted near my parents' grave at Fort Logan National Cemetery.  I envisioned the ghost of my paramedic step-dad telling me to drink more d$#@ water and avoid going out on 100 degree days. There were times when I felt faint but began to fight it.  This brought on Ver...