Unrealistic Ex-pectations

Today I am thankful for a laugh and the realization that my ex has lost his sense of reality.

I sent my ex an email about some health problems the 19 year old is enduring.  He called a couple of days later wanting to know why I am not taking the kids out to the movies each weekend.

He's not talking about movies at the cheapy $1.50 theater.

He's talking about recent releases.

I am the sole income earner in a household of four, three teenagers and myself.

Um......

I lost my job in May.

I can't afford to take them to the movies!!!

He doesn't pay child support.  He claims to be so poor he can't afford rent.

Is it possible he's telling the truth?

Maybe he's homeless and staying in the movie theater for warmth?  I shouldn't judge.  We're in the Denver Metro area.  Mortgage payments are less than rent. 

It's probably cheaper to watch feature films all night, every night, than to rent an apartment.

I've never done the math.   I'm wondering if that could be what is going on.

Well, maybe not, living in a movie theater could make it hard to shower.

*****

Seriously,

where does he expect the movie money to magically appear from?

Hocus Pocus?

I'm not a good witch.  If I were a good witch, I wouldn't drive a mid-eighties Buick and my house and lawn wouldn't embarrass the neighbors.  I'm working on it.

I guess I could make a wealth potion.  I can share a recipe below, if you'd like.

I don't know if it works.  I have smeared it on candles every few years or so.  We're not homeless.  My car works.  The heat is on.  The mortgage is current.  We haven't signed up for food stamps or TANF.

It could be worse.

Maybe it works?

It smells nice....sort of.

*********

I don't have a lot of income right now.

I'm stuck finishing up Groupon clients in my private practice (meaning I earn about $7.50 an hour).  It was fun when I had a full time income to supplement it with Groupon.  Now that it had become my sole income, um......it didn't even pay the office rent.

As my birthday is in September and this is an odd year, government fees are eating up my savings.  This month my psychotherapy registration, State of Colorado business license and 37 of my health insurance licenses have come due.

So...this month....

I have to spend $223 for government permission to have a hypnosis business and several hundred dollars on health insurance licenses (ranging from $50 to $318 per state for 37 states).  I also have to pay for my continuing education class ($250) by the end of September, too.

We haven't gone to the movies in a long, long time.  The kids get nice gifts for their birthdays and I've started in on the Christmas shopping (things start to get pricey in September). 

Worse, the kids want to buy me birthday gifts and I'm trying to fill my wish list full of dollar store items (kitchen washcloths, kitchen towels, pot holders, smelly trees for the car, candles and so on).  My daughter wants to buy me a set of enamel covered cast iron Dutch ovens for $60.  That's a steal and I miss the ones her friend took with her when she moved out.  I just don't want to give up the $60 right now.  Maybe I can let her put it on the family credit card.

This is the life of a single parent.

I don't have a lot of money.   I do my best for them on their birthdays.  I wish their father would call them on their birthdays.  They can get phone calls and texts on Ting.  I was able to port their numbers.  They just can't get fancy, schmanzy videos sent to them.  He once complained that the kids didn't get some video he sent.  I'm using a cheap cell phone service right now.

I'll switch them to the Cricket 4g plan when I get a real job.

About the licensing costs, there is a bright side.  My current employer will most likely reimburse me for the health insurance licenses and continuing ed if I finish out the Medicare Annual Enrollment Period helping the in the sales department.  They did this for me in the past.  I'm sure they'll continue.

It's a fact of life in a gig economy.  We have to do what it takes to pay the rent.


Still............my budget is shot.  My savings are dwindling.  My ex-husband is asking the kids why I'm not taking them to see the latest feature films as soon as they come out.

When a single parent loses her job, cuts are made.

When a single parent doesn't get court ordered child support, the extras are hard to come by.  I'd like to pay for driver's Ed for the teens.  I'd like to be able to pay for their auto insurance.  They need an allowance so they could learn to manage money.  I'd like to get braces and Spanish lessons for the youngest.  There are so many things they need - it seems like movies are the last thing I should be thinking about.

When a single parent has to retain an attorney because of contemptuous behavior, she's going to be in debt for a long time.  I had to put the lawyer fees on a credit card.  I spent $6,400 getting my ex out of my home in an attempt to keep him and his family from stalking me.  I spent another $1,000 to answer his justification for incredibly low child support.  Honestly, that will probably cost me another $2,000.  You know what? The judge ordered my ex to pay my attorney fees.  He never will.  I'm going to have to work extra hard to pay that all back.  If it stops the stalking completely, it'll be money well spent.

The worst part about all the legal crap is that the documents are sent to the house.  Guess who checks the mail?

Yeah.  The kids have got to know something is up.

It's sad.

******
I don't know how to tell this man that I cannot afford to take the kids to the movies.  I understand he likes movies.  I understand that movies give him something to talk to the kids about when he bothers to call.

I just can't afford it right now.

You know what a solution could be, don't you?  He could take them to the movies.

I've tried that.  What that means is that I have to drive them to the theater, pay for the tickets (?) and wait until the movie is over to take them back home again.  The last time we tried that, I thought it was a real visitation and that my ex would keep his promise to take them to dinner.

I went to an eye appointment during the movie after dropping the kids off.  My eyes were dilated when I received a call that the movie was over and he wanted them picked up.  One of my daughter's friends had to give the kids a ride home because my ex didn't want to take them out to dinner and I couldn't see well enough to drive.

He didn't have the money to take them out to dinner.  The last time he wanted to take them to a movie, he didn't have the cash.  I actually bought a movie gift card to spare him the embarrassment but he decided not to visit the kids because he scrapped the van I gave him.

I don't know what to do. 

I just can't be as generous as I was before I lost my job.   I was re-hired by my former employer but on a temporary basis with a 25% reduction in pay and zero commissions.

I have to watch my budget now.

Sigh......

*****

I think I can appease the kids by signing up for Netflix and Amazon Prime.

Do other parents go through this?

Do other single custodial parents have non-custodial parents refuse to pay child support yet demand that the custodial parent pay for extras?

My career would have been different if I could have worked throughout the marriage without being stalked out of jobs.  I was stalked.  My earning capacity is 50% less than my ex's.

It could have been different if I could have built a career.

I can't do the things he used to do for them.  I can't afford to take them to dinner twice a week, buy them expensive toys or take them to movies.

It is crazy for me to even consider it.

I guess it'll be better to just pretend it never came up.

I need to suspend judgment, too.

There is no way of knowing what is going on in another person's mind.

Love ya lots,

S.

NEXT DAY EDIT:

I did promise wealth potions.

The first potion would simply be spearmint, peppermint and/or cinnamon oil.  Smear some on a candle and burn.  I need to give you a word of caution, these essential oils burn through fabric and skin.  You may want to cut it with some olive or basil oil.

NEVER USE BABY OIL!!  Mineral oil is the primary component of baby oil.  Mineral oil is a huge component of bad luck spells.

I use caster oil on my skin.

The second potion would have a base of basil oil with frankincense essential oil, cinnamon essential oil, bay leaves (crushed) or bay essential oil and sandalwood essential oil.  Try to use equal parts of the essential oils or mix them in a manner that smells good to you. 

Rub this on a green or gold candle and burn it, dab some on your wallet and you can use it as a bizarre perfume (if you do a patch test and make sure it doesn't burn your skin).

I have many more recipes like this.  I'm just sharing these off the top of my head.

If I find a better smelling recipe, I'll add it to this page.