I've decided to have a love affair with life. We're only here a finite amount of time. We have to act now to get things done.
Today I am thankful for the understanding that when all is lost it only makes room for things to improve.
So....everyone in my house has the stomach flu.
I haven't caught it yet and I credit the homemade Kombucha.
The trick is piloncillo.
Since I started using Mexican brown sugar, it's become much more fizzy and yummy.
Hopefully it will keep me well.
Maybe when I can afford to upgrade my computer, I'll share my recipe.
It was in my fear of getting sick and laziness in wanting to go to the regular supermarket to get brown sugar that opened the way for better Kombucha.
Are there any problems that the Mexican grocer can't solve?
They taught me that Vicks Vape-O-Rub solves every illness.
So far....anyway.
The smell also keeps evil spirits and men away, too.
******
Now....my ex husband is claiming that he is homeless (probably wants to live here again rent free)
and suicidal.
He claims to have checked himself voluntarily into a Christian rehab program. If that is true, it will do him a lot of good. These people helped me many, many moons ago when I was sexually assaulted by my sister's buddy.
I ran to their shelter. They prayed for me and got me help.
I'm not sure if he's telling the truth or not. He left me a snarky message alluding to killing himself because he doesn't want to pay child support.
He's never paid it.
I don't know if he's serious or being manipulative so I handed my lawyer a credit card and told him to deal with the legal fall out for me.
I need to get another job and find time to get back to my small business. My temporary job is taking most of my time.
I'm going to need yet another job to make ends meet.
So, my ex ditched the Djinn to find Jesus.
I'll rehome the Djinn.
I'll give up my sleep to make room for a third job so I can do a better job supporting the kids.
I guess this is progress.
*****
Oh and my hard disk on my remaining computer is corrupt so it takes about 30 minutes to load a page.
IF you don't hear from me, I'm probably still alive - I'm just waiting for the computer to load.
This computer dying is going to make room for something that will support Windows 10.
It's not a bad thing.
******
While I'm away from the blog, I'll be lighting candles and praying that the US leaves HAARP alone.
Please stay safe where you are.
I'm sad that entire communities are being wiped out.
It's hard to think of that as progress knowing the loss of life that is occurring.
I don't have a lot of time. I find myself doing most of my praying while driving to and from work and job interviews or in those wee hours of the morning where I cannot sleep.
******
Oh, and I did have an epiphany. I eat so I don't date.
I don't want to date because I haven't stayed in shape where it counts.
I know....but when you're over forty....you've got to stay in shape. I may just give up and get surgery IF I can manage to save the money.
I was injured in a car crash many years ago. I knew this day was coming. I just thought I had more time.
Sigh.....
As far as dating -
I know that sounds stupid but people I know are pushing harder to pair me with a really cute social worker who flirts with every pretty woman over the age of 30.
Today I overheard a couple of colleagues talk about he and I being single and soft spoken. They called us cute and like how we interacted.
We try to get into each other's heads. I guess it could be funny to overhear us speak to each other.
People with therapy backgrounds like to ask a lot of open ended questions like
"How do you feel about that?"
-and-
"What would you like to do?"
-and-
"What does that mean to you?"
Sigh.....
We probably do too much of that.
I finally had to ask the women to stop it. They are well meaning. They just don't see that he's that kind to everybody.
I'm trying to be kind. If I let myself go, I can run over people like a steamroller.
I'd like my assholishness to only come out when it is necessary
like when talking to an egotistical politician who thinks your wallet is his or her personal piggy bank.
You know - I need to save the negative energy for the times that it counts.
I'm secretly wondering how I can dress and behave as to stop attracting that kind of thought around other people.
The fake wedding rings don't work.
Maybe if I cut my hair and start acting butch?
I don't know.
I'm asexual. How does one present that persona?
Maybe I should change my name from "Girl" to Leslie or Pat and bind my boobs with tape?
I bought a bunch of boring pant suits.
I'll ponder that between the prayers and waiting for internet pages to load.
******
Oh, and I had one more drama over the past week.
A black man in his late teens/early twenties was mauled by a dog outside of my home. Both of his legs were badly bitten.
I didn't see it happen. My daughter heard his cries for help and I ran outside and had her call 911.
This young man wouldn't let me call his parents as we awaited an ambulance because he was smoking pot outside of my house with his buddies in a car.
They called it "hot-boxing." I'd never heard that term before. It smelled horrid, like gaggles of angry skunks being attacked by hound dogs.
Yuck!
I hate to say it, but....I had the thought that the dog attacked the kid because he smelled like a skunk!
The kid said the neighbor told the dog to attack. I don't know this neighbor well enough to know if that is the truth.
I hope not.
When the police arrived, the young man's black friends took off and left him alone with this horribly old white lady.
He was in pain. I'm sure looking at me only made his pain worse.
It was at that moment, I realized that Aurora police must have a horrible reputation with citizens of color to make this young man's caring friends take off and leave him alone.
I have more to research once my life settles down.
I think this was the answer to my prayer. I want to know what I'm supposed to do for the community. It keeps coming back to social justice.
What do you want a bet they're going to kill the dog while claiming she is a pit bull? She's a boxer.
I should have studied law. I wanted to -but- I didn't want to live my life surrounded by negative energy.
It's strange. I still find myself looking up case law at least once a week.
Maybe I should go out, get an education and take the Bar Exam.
It's never too late.
******
Just in case this is my last post for awhile,
Please take care of yourself.
Please help your neighbors who need it.
Please reach out for help if you need it.
You're important.
Love ya lots,
S.
Edit: I'm going to try to defrag the disk. It probably won't work. I tried to restore the system to a previous date and it didn't work.
The problems started when I dropped the computer. She's probably a goner.
On the bright side, maybe I can wind up with something nice. I get great deals at MicroCenter. I still have one saxophone and one clarinet I can sell for dough. The 1920's era tenor sax is said to be gold plated - so maybe I'll get enough money to buy something decent.
It'll work out. Everything always works out.
It may be awhile before I check in again.
Take care of your wonderful self.
Cheers!