I Always Thought Beauty Just Faded Slowly

Today I am thankful for make-up.

I sustained an injury today that make-up cannot cover.

Years ago, I got pretty darn good at using make-up to hide black eyes and contusions.

The cuts were so deep today that I cannot cover over them.

I hid the black eye well....

I can't stop the swelling.

The cuts around my face are going to scar.

I always thought beauty faded slowly.

For awhile, it did.

I started to swell.

I got a smirk wrinkle on the left side of my mouth.

I got smile lines around my left eye.

Who knows?  Maybe the cuts around my face will scar over and fill in the wrinkles?

I doubt it.

I think I lost what was left of my appearance in just a few short seconds at 5:00 a.m.

******

Long story short, 

I got smacked in the face with a window. 

I was wearing glasses. 

The glass cut up my left eye very badly.  

My face is bruised. 

The emergency room doc had to hold up my eyelid to make sure my eye was clear of debris. 

I don't have a concussion. 

Thank goodness.  

*****

I was afraid to go to work. 

My new boss assured me that people notice my mental attitude more than my appearance. 

I went.  

My colleagues were kind. 

One of the bass players helped me come up with a more interesting story about my injuries. 

I'm supposed to say...

"I was in a bar fight.  You should see the other guy!!" 

Bass players....they always know what to say.  

They are awesome! 

*****

Now that I'm ridiculously hideous looking, 

I need to start sounding and looking smart.  

I guess I need to play up the few brain cells I have left!

I'm never going to look the same.

My face is a mess.

Thankfully there are other things to ponder right now.

******

Many people are terrified that Obamacare will be repealed.  

It won't. 

The politicians like it too much. 

The health insurance companies like it too much.  

Please don't worry.  

We're are nearing the annual enrollment period for Medicare Advantage/Prescription plans and Individual and Family plans.  Health insurance companies won't let politicians mess up the most lucrative time in the insurance market. 

Trust me.  

If my face weren't so swollen, I'd write you a mini thesis on it.  

Maybe you should just Google Rand Paul.  He's voting against the Graham/Santorum** health care wanna-be law.  If he won't vote for it, it doesn't stand a chance. 

The true mission of government is to grow itself.  It wants to get more control of healthcare.  

There is absolutely no way the government will give this up.  

I had a thought while reading about the large numbers of people on Medicaid.  There are 74 million U.S. Citizens on Medicaid.  Okay, as of this writing, there are 74,424,652.00 people on some form of state medical assistance funded by various state governments.

More than one quarter of the U.S. population are on Medicaid! 

It's not Medicare they're going to model single payer on. 

Medicaid will eventually grow into single payer.

We are getting there, aren't we? 

I'm shocked I hadn't realized this earlier.  I wonder who the grand architect of that scheme was?

Hmmmmm.......Medicare is just a ruse.  Focus all the attention on a joke while working behind the scenes to complete the socialist goal.  

I guess I finally had time to think about it while waiting to get stitches. 

I just realized that I forgot to get that tetanus shot I need. 

I haven't had one since 2001. 

I'll have to make an appointment for that soon.

Thankfully I have insurance.  

Love ya, 

S. 

Next Day Edit:  I'm sorry.  It's the **Graham Cassidy bill.  I just love saying the word "Santorum."  Not everybody is unlucky enough to have their name importalized in the Urban Dictionary as a by-product of gay sex.

Sigh.....

I guess it pays to have a common name.

As of today, the bill is all but dead as McCain vowed to vote against it. 

I have a John McCain story.

He directly supported my domestic abuser way back in 1994.  I had insurance with my abuser.  He beat the shit out of me and took me off of the plan without offering me COBRA.  I filed a complaint with a Colorado agency.  A judge ordered my abuser to pay my medical costs.  I was trying to sign up for COBRA so I could get the MRI and other things I needed.  The company was in Arizona.  McCain stepped in and told the agency to back off of the company. 

The company, at the time, had a supervisor who encouraged my ex to beat me.  I was told later that this boss and my ex were persuaded to leave the company.  They were demoted and encouraged to quit.  After they left, I became a customer again.  The owner of this company actually had his pilot take me to Phoenix.  I have a polaroid of me sitting in the cockpit

It was all good despite the meddling of politicians.

So....I had to get braces to try to fix my jaw after the assault. I wore them for five years.

My jaw still clicks.

My teeth look prettier, though.

My spine is messed up but you can barely tell.  I waited too long to get the care I needed because I didn't have insurance.  I guess these things happen.

My abuser broke my nose.  I was a model as a teenager.  I had a strange looking nose and I liked it better after it was broken.  I don't think other people agreed with my assessment of my nose.

I never liked it.

I couldn't complain.  After I paid for my own medical care, I looked much better.

Why is this on my mind today?

My face is bruised and cut from the glass incident I had yesterday.

It's going to scar. 

A man didn't do any of it.

I did. 

I had four hours of sleep and hit myself in the face with the door of a 1989 Buick while heading off to work at 5:00 in the morning.

I broke my glasses.

When this is over, I'm going to start wearing contact lenses.  They don't cut up your face.

An alternative could be wearing glasses with cheap huge, plastic frames.  Maybe they'll hide the scars?

I don't know what I'll do yet.

I'm still smearing Neosporin all over my face to try to minimize the scaring.

Sigh.....

It was a difficult day today.

I went to the bank to pay my office rent and the teller (who usually assists me) wouldn't look at me.

I had to convince the doctor that I don't have a significant other in my life who did this to me.  She was stuck on the abuse angle.  I didn't get the tetanus shot I need.

Priorities.....if a woman is being abused, tetanus is probably the least of her worries.

I'm not in a relationship.  The only abuse I could possibly be enduring is financial but that ex is long gone.

He'll probably stay away so long as he doesn't get garnished for child support or any of the money he was court ordered to pay me (e.g. legal fees, money stolen from the retirement accounts).  Child support is not collectible.  I need to find a way to make more money while working less hours.  There has to be a way to do this.  I just need to think...and stop smacking my face with glass!

Today, at work, I again found myself explaining that I am too busy for a relationship and any damage to my face was due to my own klutziness.

It broke my heart the way my social worker friend looks at me.

I don't think he believes my story.

I even showed him my glasses.

I'm sure as a social worker, he's met people in abusive relationships who lie about their injuries.

I'm sure he's also met clumsy people far too busy (or afraid) to enter into relationships.

After awhile, some people just get to a point of fear.....

Some people are afraid of being hurt, or rejected, or used, or any number of things.

Me?  I'm afraid of judgement.

I'm afraid of showing my scars.

Now I have more than ever.

Rather than date, I just pray that the men I care about find women that are beautiful, honorable and kind.

If fact, it's Friday.

Friday is the day I make that petition to Aphrodite.

Maybe I could ask for healing.  It may be best to wait until Sunday and ask Asclepius for that gift.

On Fridays, I do ask for things for myself.  I ask Dionysus to give me mad bass playing skills.  Just teasing....I sold my fun bass guitars for money -so- that talent will have to wait to be revealed.

I do ask for the gift of creative inspiration.  So far, I haven't figured out how to tap into that gift.

I'm also praying a lot for the people in Puerto Rico.  We know a child there.  I just learned our prayers are being answered.  His family is going to send him to New York to live with relatives for the next few months.

It feels good when prayers are answered, doesn't it?

Whatever faith you are, keep it.  Keeping the faith makes life more livable.

Love ya lots,

S.