Today I'm thankful I made it home before the blizzard struck.
Yes, every single time I have a dream about a person from my past. I pray for him.
My thought process is that I'll give the worry up to my higher power and divinity can do whatever needs to be done.
He's lucky the gossips are wrong about my religion. I don't worship Satan.
Satin? Maybe.....
Not Satan.
(Just teasing....
about the satin thingy.....)
Every time I pray for him.
It snows.
Last time we got 15" of snow and I nearly met the reaper getting on to the highway. I still have to get the car fixed from that. I must've scraped the radiator on some ice because my car is leaking orange fluid.
Sigh....
This is probably what happened during that freak snowstorm in May of 2014.
This time, all I know is that the windows in the basement are blacked out. Snow is covering the windows of the main floor and the windows from the second floor look like our six foot fences are half covered with snow. I'd estimate we've received between 2 - 3 feet of snow.
I could be wrong. It's still snowing. It's a bit windy so those could be snow drifts.
My boss wanted me to prepare to spend the night at work. I packed my car full of clothes, art projects to do with the patients (which my boss hates because she doesn't want them to expect us to entertain them but the patients love making gratitude jars and shrines to their higher powers so....), battery operated candles, boots I've never worn for the patient donation room, books, Siegfred food (rice milk, rice cakes, cottage cheese, kale, low sodium V8, kombucha, sparking tea and baked pretzels for when I'm naughty) and all sorts of medical supplies for my wounds.
People must have thought I lived in my car. That sucker was packed up!
Thankfully it didn't start snowing too hard until after I left.
Whew!
*****
That morning, I had forgotten to take the elevator key out of my pocket. When I work, I work. It doesn't matter if I'm in pain. I'll work through it. My colleague is studying for a test and likes to keep the amount of work done to a minimum. I run around alot.
When I'm in pain, I'm forgetful. I found the key around 3:12 in the morning. I called asking if I could come drop it off. I was told no. So I cleaned my wounds and tried to fall a sleep despite the pain.
I was awoken by frantic phone calls and texts starting at 8:45 or so demanding that I make it to the office with the key in 30 minutes. I left without dressing my wounds and sped to to the office. I was only 2 minutes late.
There is another key.
I honestly think the old Arapahoe House crew is trying to get rid of me to get the former employees back (at least that's what I hear). I shouldn't have left without dressing my wounds.
I came back home and tried to get some rest before returning to work the evening/night shift.
I couldn't sleep.
I am still finding blood on my clothes from the friction against my wounds.
*****
It's exhausting having wounds.
All I want to do is sleep.
I slept twelve hours. I had a few dreams of the blast from the past.
In the dreams, we are in the high school cafeteria (toured it last year) and he's trying to tell me about some gossip he heard from a relative of mine and I can't hear him.
All I want to do is eat. I have an eating disorder so dreaming of that in and of itself is weird.
Must've been hungry.
Still, I woke up.....prayed that he'd get whatever makes him happy....and fell asleep again.
I woke up to the blizzard!!!
*****
The adult kiddos shoveled a path for my white toy poodle besingi mix. It's funny watching him go outside and skip around in the snow.
He loves the snow.
It takes forever to find him outside to get him come in. Once he's in, he'll warm up for awhile and then yodel until I let him go back outside.
Yeah, the doggo who loves Reggae yodels. He's just recently learned to bark.
Can't get him to howl, though.....
*****.
As I type this with my heavily bandaged hand, the lights are blinking on and off.
I may have to go light some candles.
Good thing I am an INXJ.....and do a lot of planning. I'm stocked up on everything.
Heck, I could possibly live like this for a couple of months if I set up the grow light and plant my veggie and sprouting seeds.
I probably should get back to sprouting. Good stuff.
I had this bizarre thought today.
I'm acting like an INFP.
I'm a forgetful klutz who appears to get the feels out of nowhere....seriously.
Since November I've actually talked to men and had to get myself out of a few bizarre interactions.
Typically, I never notice those kind of things.
Yep, this has been going on for the past four months or so.
On Tuesday, I spilled a resin on my mid section and grabbed the bottle with my right hand resulting in 2nd and 3rd degree chemical burns in lots of horrible places. I'm getting some feeling back in my right thumb...it's pain...but that's a good sign, right?
Um.....
Two weeks ago, I bought something that looked like tuna but turned out to be soy (to which I'm highly allergic). I didn't realize it until I fell asleep and woke up with swollen legs and hives. Yeah, I was talking to a beautiful black guy about hair products while I grabbed the tuna off of the shelf.
Three weeks ago, the janitor forgot to squeeze the water from her mop and I slipped and fell on my backside and smacking my only good knee into a wall. Still hurting from that.
I've had at least two car issues resulting from nearly avoiding a few accidents.
Yeah, hate to admit it....I even gave one speech in which I brought the wrong set of notes and had to wing it.
In the past, if any boss would so much as insinuate that I needed to find someone to cover my shift before going to the ER because my private parts and writing hand had bad burns, I would have quit and called an employment lawyer. This time I sucked it up only to be reprimanded by an ER doctor later.
I think I'll survive. I'm sure I'll scar but I don't think I'll die from it (although walking is still horribly painful).
Thank goodness for the blizzard, I'll have a couple of days to rest and try to heal.
I haven't even begun to look for a new job. Typically an emotionally abusive interaction with a boss would either have me saying something that will hurt his or her feelings when they figure out what I meant -or- I'd be papering the town with my resume.
The last time a bully boss happened to me was in 1992. That boss gave me an ambush meeting in which he questioned my sexuality and faith. Afterwards, he quit his managerial job and took a job on a boat. He was never seen or heard from again. That guy got his jollies harassing women. How do I know? Well, I got to talk to my predecessors and the woman who took my place.
My current boss just seems to be stressed out and overworked.
That said, INFJs can be evil. I've learned to tame my nastiness because not everyone deserves it.
Me? Don't know if I care enough to engage in poetic justice right now.
See?
I have no clue who I am any more.
Maybe my personality is changing.
Maybe I'm less of an asshole and more of a stupid romantic.
*****
When I was in college, I tested as an INTJ. When I left and started counseling other people, I got my INFJ mojo back. I still test as 51% F and 49% T.
According to Jung, the goal of personal growth is to integrate the conflicting parts of our personalities. So, perhaps, I'm now growing more judgmental and hiding it better.
Could be.....
Or maybe....just maybe....the klutziness is due to a lack of sleep.
Dreams of an ex I shouldn't think about leads to the loss of sleep.
I don't know.
If I were a betting woman, I'd bet that I'm probably going to die in a freak accident of my own making due to a lack of paying attention.
At least I won't live long enough to endure the shame of being laughed at.
Wherever you are, stay safe.
Love ya,
S.
P.S. If you want to read more about the Myers Briggs personality types, here's a short synopsis.
Personality Types | 16Personalities