Today I am thankful for contractors and realizations.
The contractors are working on the house and I have never slept better. The past couple of nights I've worked the late shift and sleep well into the morning. The contractors arrive around 7:00 to start working.
Just to be sure, all of the banging is going on outside of the house. This week, they're tearing off my siding, mixing cement and redoing the sidewalks.
I sleep well when they are here. I know that sounds bizarre.
I'm pretty sure that is because of the stalking. I'm always hyper vigilant. I'm always afraid of my ex-husband breaking in and attacking me or destroying my home further.
When these guys are here, I'm not afraid.
I can sleep.
Unfortunately, their presence does not stop the nightmares.
*****
Now, that I'm sleeping well, I'm noticing that I'm having nightmares of my ex-husband.
In these dreams he's trying to get other people to kill me.
In one dream, I overhear him making a deal with one of his relatives. He's offering money in exchange for this guy to strangle me at a picnic.
In another dream, he is trying to convince a doctor that I want to die and asks about the possibility of allowing me to take myself out via assisted suicide. In this dream, I'm pleading with the nurse who promptly removes me from the situation.
Usually, I'll have nightmares of him right before he does something stupid. It's almost as if my subconscious mind is begging me to pay attention. I fear the stalking will pick right back up.
*****
I was told that I would be diagnosed with PTSD once Michael left my home.
PTSD can go away and I thought I was making progress. I no longer have a startle response but I am noticing a little social anxiety around angry or emotional men. I'll start to have a hot flash.
I'm not sure this is menopausal because it only happens around angry or upset men.
A little hypnosis and black cohosh and I'll be fine.
I thought my personal ordeal was over. I guess not.
The problem with an ex who doesn't want to financially help or pay the money he owes is that I have to work a lot to pick up the financial slack. This cuts out on time with the kids and time to see a therapist and doctor for myself.
His lack of help is a form of control. He is punishing me because I dared ask him to leave my home and tried to enforce the divorce agreement.
I can't believe the State of Colorado is helping him continue his financial abuse.
Sad, isn't it?
*****
I do have a realization that I'll post here. My ex is a stalker. He engages in coercive control and has a talent for getting the government to harass me on his behalf.
It started with the City of Aurora back in 2008 (who are the subjects of 2 different blogs and I have 8 3" binders of harassment oriented information dedicated to them in my basement). I'm not sure how he got his boss (The former Tax Audit Supervisor) and an Assistant City Attorney to slander me in court.
I joined a group and fought their tax hikes. I ran for office. They don't slander me publicly now.
They do other things though that I should report to The Department of Regulatory Agencies (DORA). One of their shrinks told me about things my 17 year old said in therapy. My 17 year old didn't sign a release and began crying when I mentioned it and helped her find a private pay therapist. I've been trying to talk to someone on the board of Aurora Mental Health but they're ignoring me so - it may have to be a formal complaint. Technically, 42 CFR violations have to be reported if another professional knows about it. I was hoping just to have the errant therapist coached by her clinical supervisor. My daughter refuses to sign a release to protect the bad shrink.
They are probably ignoring me because they think I want to defund them. I do but only because of incidents like what I wrote above. This is the first time it's happened to someone I actually KNOW.
Many people at the city leave me alone now, even when the conversation could benefit them. At least, they don't play a further role in the harassment. My ex is now using an entity called CO-PEP to run up my legal fees (which now top $19,000).
CO-PEP exists to help "deadbeat dads" "right-size" their child support. This means, helping them find LOWER paying jobs (meaning poverty level) and coaching them into how to reduce child support, drop their arrearages, get out of covering kids on the health insurance and gain more custody time. They are NOT very transparent (which irritates me as a political activist). I'm surprised that they get away focusing on SOLELY on fathers.
These abusive guys made their bed. Previous studies have shown that these type of programs (which existed in the 90's) made a little dent in how many fathers were involved in their children's lives or paid child support. Putting the financial responsibility on the mother and the taxpayers is NOT a solution. Perhaps they should look to psychology for answers (e.g. domestic violence, personality disorders). This is just another way for abusers to control their former partners on the taxpayer dime. They will continue this pattern of messy beds whether or not CO-PEP is defunded. Deadbeat abusers will just DO it again with other women.
Sorry to burst anyone's bubble. If welfare for single mothers doesn't work, why would welfare for deadbeat dads work?
Think about it.
Perhaps the point is to keep me too busy working to play politics. I work nearly every day of the week so I miss a lot of political meetings (for now).
The kids will grow up in three years. CO-PEP had best hold fast to it's boots. I'm already sharing my experience with Battered Women's Rights Groups. Let me say, the reaction is best stated as rage.
It's hard to believe that Colorado coddles deadbeat abusers and actually brags about it online. Oh yeah, news stories abound.
*****
My ex called me up on January 2nd calling me all sorts of names. He was dumb enough to text quite a bit of nasty crap to me calling me a liar, stating that I made up the stalking and all sorts of shit.
I told him from that point he was to either send me an email or sign up for Our Family Wizard.
That is when he demanded mediation. I shelled out another $4,000 for a lawyer only to find out, after quite a bit of back and forth and money, that he didn't want mediation. At first he claimed CO-PEP wanted it to discuss my dropping his arrearages and child support.
Then he claimed that I wanted mediation.
Things went silent for a few weeks and then he sent my lawyer a message stating that he was refusing to cover the children on his insurance because he couldn't afford it.
She asked for his income information and everything went silent again.
His behavior is strange.
It dawned on me that he's doing this for attention and to feel a sense of control.
He is poking the bear to she how she will react.
The man has known me nearly 30 years. He ought to know better by now. I have a talent for standing up to (or annoying) people who abuse their power in government.
That's why he runs to the government with his sob stories as it, sometimes, gets him help in harassing me. Nothing pisses off a former foster child turned libertarian activist more than a government servant using tax dollars to mess with my financial situation so much that I qualify for welfare.
My ex trying to control my time, my money and my energy. The sad fact is that the more control he tries to exert over me, the more control I actually have over him.
Things will get better soon. They really will.
Love ya,
S.