Today I am thankful for lack of sleep.
Yes, you read that right.
I'm experiencing eustress: the condition of having so many great things happen to you that causes stress.
I have a good job.
I'm nearly done with school.
I have a good lawyer.
My house is being renovated.
I'm sleeping about four hours a day (when the contractors are here).
It'll all be worth it in the end.
The problem with a lack of sleep is the weight gain. My exercise equipment is buried in the basement. It'll be nice to get back to working out again.
Things are going well for me.
I'm not so sure if things are going well for my ex-husband.
*****
My ex-husband has started seeing the kids about four hours a week.
I learned that his child support should be much higher based on his income and I'm trying to make a decision surrounding that. I ran up the credit cards on legal fees to get him out of the house and to deal with his antics. The interest alone is causing a lot of stress. I should ask for the money to start paying them off.
Then I received news that made me wonder if he was okay.
Our daughter told me today that she found a 1.5 Liter bottle of Diet Coke bottle filled with urine in the back seat of his car.
She took a picture.
My initial thought was that he was homeless. He makes more money than I do but it's still 40% less than he made during the marriage as an auditor. He has decided to drive a bus and live in subsidized housing that requires daily urinalysis. This was the reason I agreed to drop his child support. It was insinuated that he had a substance use disorder.
I never knew him to do drugs or drink alcohol. He swears up and down that he has never used.
After a minute, I put my clinical hat on.
If it is true that he is not using, I realized he's probably selling his urine to someone else living in the subsidized housing project.
Even if he were homeless, after the crap he put me through, I cannot help him.
*****
That's the great thing about getting away from gaslighting.
One can start understanding those things that never made sense before. His family stalked me on his behalf. He was speaking to them daily and that's how they knew where to find me.
The GPS system he stuck on the bottom of the car helped him, too.
When that was removed, he started hacking the phone.
All the while, he claimed he was innocent.
Now, he just claims I'm a liar.
I now see that he was just insecure and thought I was cheating on him so he had his family harass me in public.
He lied to drop his child support.
The pee in the bottle was something he didn't intend for the kids to see.
I really shouldn't have to imagine why or guess the reason for that behavior.
It's just really nice to be away from it.
I don't have to solve his problems any more.
Part of me wishes that someone would tell him that he can buy a urinal online. They are probably a tad bit more sanitary.
https://www.amazon.com/Best-Sellers-Health-Personal-Care-Male-Urinals/zgbs/hpc/3775251
*****
In those first few moments after hearing about the pee in the bottle, I thought about my recent home repairs, the mold and rat poop found in my ex's former bedroom and the $60,000 it is costing me to repair his former bedroom and bathroom. I thought about all the porn I continue to unearth while cleaning out the house (new carpet and hardwood floors required that I remove everything from the home).
I realized that he can never stay with me again. I can't afford it. I cannot afford to be kind to him.
He is one person I would have to tell no.
If he makes more money than I do and only pays a small portion of it in child support, he can afford the rent of his subsidized room. He's probably just selling or sharing his piss with a desperate roommate.
These types of revelations make me thankful that he is out of my life.
Wow.....just wow....
I'm off to cat nap as I have to go back to work in a few hours. Life as a single mom is exhausting. As tired as I am, it is a heck of a lot better than being frightened all the time and afraid to leave the house.
Love ya lots,
S.