Today I am thankful for a question.
It's a simple question.
A question I heard a lot in psychotherapeutic and social service circles.
Where professionals would ask
"Why won't battered women leave?"
and then demand that lawmakers pass laws to force women to leave their abusers because they are sick of helping women get away only to find that they return.
I am libertarian (small 'l'....the party isn't my cup of tea*).
Laws hinder freedom and get in the way.
In fact, in many situations, it is the rule of law that forces women to stay with their abusers/stalkers etc..
In fact, I'm living it right now.
I've been stalked for over 24 years by people I didn't know. It took a death in my ex husband's family for me to begin to recognize the faces that have hassled me for years.
They are his relatives. I recognized his sister. I didn't know who her boyfriend or some of his cousins were.
I only knew that the stalkers resembled Michael.
I can't quite figure out the guy who pretended to be with Ameriprise demanding entry in my home after coming at me head on in a SUV.
He resembles one of Michael's uncles who died just a few days prior to this incident.
He drove a rental SUV (they have red fleet plates).
When I'm quiet, the stalking isn't so embarrassing.
If I go out in public, Michael may act out. He's yelled at me at reunions, church and stores. I think he does that so I won't go to these places due to the embarrassment.
This is the point where I go to these places without him. Sometimes I'll see someone that looks like him watching me. I have pointed it out to others, too. In fact, I had a dear friend from high school notice at a reunion, he and his wife begged me to get the hell away from my ex.
If I continue to go to these places, then his family will pick up the harassment. This is what happened when I volunteered for the DA. This happened to me in graduate school. This happened when I began doing hypnosis seminars. It picked up right after the election.
I ran for office five years ago. During the election, police officers told me that I was being stalked but I didn't really believe them. I now realize that they were doing a good job keeping the stalkers away from me.
This is why squad cars were outside of my house day and night.
During the election, I was still married. My access to money was cut off about the same time the stalking picked up.
I had been living off of funds from a small business loan. I continued to live off of that until I got my current job.
That was five years ago.
I've been hiding for five years.
I've been trying to get away from this guy for well over five years.
At first, the police officers told me that when I divorced it would be over.
The lawyers told me that I couldn't divorce until my ex went through with a bankruptcy.
My ex really dragged that process out. He told me that he lost the paperwork. After two years of crap, I filed using our credit reports. No paperwork was needed.
He later admitted to dragging out the bankruptcy to keep me with him.
Over three years ago, I officially filed for a divorce. This was twelve years after we stopped sleeping together.
It was time.
We went to mediation. I was given the house because he lost the financial paperwork and money was missing. I also swore off alimony in exchange for the house. This was during the housing crisis, so the house wasn't worth very much.
My ex agreed to move out of the house on October 21, 2013.
I packed his things.
He's still here.
Every day I ask him to move out.
He tells me "no."
He knows I can't do anything.
I tried mediation through the courts. My ex refused to cooperate.
I've called the police during strange incidents. They tell me to get a new phone, a new computer and to call back if they can catch him acting out. Manipulators know how NOT to get caught.
I was told I needed a lawyer.
It took two years to save up the money for a lawyer. I finally did. The moment I had a tax refund for over $1,500, I went to a lawyer.
This was March.
I'm still waiting for a court date.
I can't force him out by changing the locks (even if someone breaks into the house).
If I change the locks, I must give him a key.
He's living in my basement. He's making a mess of it and I fear the house will be condemned for the mold in his bathroom.
I cannot force him out. I must evict him.
I need to wait for the family courts.
How long must I wait in Arapahoe County for a judge to rule on a contempt citation?
I left.
I did my damdest to leave the situation.
I left.
He refuses to leave.
Yes, I've tried to get into the shelter.
I can't. They are full. Stalking is not really a crime anyone takes seriously. They don't want families with teenagers over the age of 18.
I'm stuck in a house where I pay all of the bills....do most of the cleaning.....do most of the cooking....buy all of the groceries.....
with my stalker.
I'm at the mercy of a judge who won't make a ruling.
Why does it take so damn long?
We don't need anymore laws.
They don't protect abused individuals. In fact, they do more to protect their abusers. Manipulative people know how to use the law to get and keep control of their victims.
The laws against unlawful evictim are keeping me stuck with my abuser.
The stalking statutes keep me from getting a restraining order. The problem there is that I need to identify my stalkers and get restraining orders against them. I don't talk to my ex-husband's family. I don't have relationships with them. I don't know how to have them served.
My ex hasn't really been caught stalking me. I can't get a restraining order against him. The cops have to catch him acting like an a-hole.
The cops predict what will happen. They've been right about it 100% of the time.
They don't think he will kill me or the children.
I hope they're right.
Victims often leave. It's the abusers who tend to hang around. This is true of both men and women.
If you don't know if the guy or the gal is the victim of domestic abuse, ask yourself.....who refuses to exit?
That's the culprit.
*****
If I can get downstairs to the mold, maybe I'll sell the house out from under my ex.
I'm thinking that is the only real thing I can do right now.
Love ya,
S.
A question I heard a lot in psychotherapeutic and social service circles.
Where professionals would ask
"Why won't battered women leave?"
and then demand that lawmakers pass laws to force women to leave their abusers because they are sick of helping women get away only to find that they return.
I am libertarian (small 'l'....the party isn't my cup of tea*).
Laws hinder freedom and get in the way.
In fact, in many situations, it is the rule of law that forces women to stay with their abusers/stalkers etc..
In fact, I'm living it right now.
I've been stalked for over 24 years by people I didn't know. It took a death in my ex husband's family for me to begin to recognize the faces that have hassled me for years.
They are his relatives. I recognized his sister. I didn't know who her boyfriend or some of his cousins were.
I only knew that the stalkers resembled Michael.
I can't quite figure out the guy who pretended to be with Ameriprise demanding entry in my home after coming at me head on in a SUV.
He resembles one of Michael's uncles who died just a few days prior to this incident.
He drove a rental SUV (they have red fleet plates).
When I'm quiet, the stalking isn't so embarrassing.
If I go out in public, Michael may act out. He's yelled at me at reunions, church and stores. I think he does that so I won't go to these places due to the embarrassment.
This is the point where I go to these places without him. Sometimes I'll see someone that looks like him watching me. I have pointed it out to others, too. In fact, I had a dear friend from high school notice at a reunion, he and his wife begged me to get the hell away from my ex.
If I continue to go to these places, then his family will pick up the harassment. This is what happened when I volunteered for the DA. This happened to me in graduate school. This happened when I began doing hypnosis seminars. It picked up right after the election.
I ran for office five years ago. During the election, police officers told me that I was being stalked but I didn't really believe them. I now realize that they were doing a good job keeping the stalkers away from me.
This is why squad cars were outside of my house day and night.
During the election, I was still married. My access to money was cut off about the same time the stalking picked up.
I had been living off of funds from a small business loan. I continued to live off of that until I got my current job.
That was five years ago.
I've been hiding for five years.
I've been trying to get away from this guy for well over five years.
At first, the police officers told me that when I divorced it would be over.
The lawyers told me that I couldn't divorce until my ex went through with a bankruptcy.
My ex really dragged that process out. He told me that he lost the paperwork. After two years of crap, I filed using our credit reports. No paperwork was needed.
He later admitted to dragging out the bankruptcy to keep me with him.
Over three years ago, I officially filed for a divorce. This was twelve years after we stopped sleeping together.
It was time.
We went to mediation. I was given the house because he lost the financial paperwork and money was missing. I also swore off alimony in exchange for the house. This was during the housing crisis, so the house wasn't worth very much.
My ex agreed to move out of the house on October 21, 2013.
I packed his things.
He's still here.
Every day I ask him to move out.
He tells me "no."
He knows I can't do anything.
I tried mediation through the courts. My ex refused to cooperate.
I've called the police during strange incidents. They tell me to get a new phone, a new computer and to call back if they can catch him acting out. Manipulators know how NOT to get caught.
I was told I needed a lawyer.
It took two years to save up the money for a lawyer. I finally did. The moment I had a tax refund for over $1,500, I went to a lawyer.
This was March.
I'm still waiting for a court date.
I can't force him out by changing the locks (even if someone breaks into the house).
If I change the locks, I must give him a key.
He's living in my basement. He's making a mess of it and I fear the house will be condemned for the mold in his bathroom.
I cannot force him out. I must evict him.
I need to wait for the family courts.
How long must I wait in Arapahoe County for a judge to rule on a contempt citation?
I left.
I did my damdest to leave the situation.
I left.
He refuses to leave.
Yes, I've tried to get into the shelter.
I can't. They are full. Stalking is not really a crime anyone takes seriously. They don't want families with teenagers over the age of 18.
I'm stuck in a house where I pay all of the bills....do most of the cleaning.....do most of the cooking....buy all of the groceries.....
with my stalker.
I'm at the mercy of a judge who won't make a ruling.
Why does it take so damn long?
We don't need anymore laws.
They don't protect abused individuals. In fact, they do more to protect their abusers. Manipulative people know how to use the law to get and keep control of their victims.
The laws against unlawful evictim are keeping me stuck with my abuser.
The stalking statutes keep me from getting a restraining order. The problem there is that I need to identify my stalkers and get restraining orders against them. I don't talk to my ex-husband's family. I don't have relationships with them. I don't know how to have them served.
My ex hasn't really been caught stalking me. I can't get a restraining order against him. The cops have to catch him acting like an a-hole.
The cops predict what will happen. They've been right about it 100% of the time.
They don't think he will kill me or the children.
I hope they're right.
Victims often leave. It's the abusers who tend to hang around. This is true of both men and women.
If you don't know if the guy or the gal is the victim of domestic abuse, ask yourself.....who refuses to exit?
That's the culprit.
*****
If I can get downstairs to the mold, maybe I'll sell the house out from under my ex.
I'm thinking that is the only real thing I can do right now.
Love ya,
S.