Death is My Only Way Out

Today I am thankful for a stupid lawyer.

Well....

I think I am.

I'm not sure.

The other day my lawyer told me that I could not get a restraining order because I'm not in danger.

I don't understand.

My ex-husband's family has been harassing me for over 24 years.

Things in my house are broken...computers....phones....

Pets are killed....

I live with an ex who refuses to move out of the house....

who I catch in constant lies....

who has begun to yell and glare at me for trying to do chores....

and I'm not in danger.

Alrighty then....

I am thinking of leaving my own house, losing all of the equity and letting my ex-husband take everything....

and taking the kids far away...

but then I'm sure he'll find me.....

Something isn't right here.

He was court ordered out of the house nearly three years ago....

he won't pack or move...

and I don't feel safe....

I still run into his relatives from time to time....

they swear up and down that they don't talk to Mike....

yet they know intimate details about what is going on....

things I don't post to this blog.

I don't feel safe.

If he kills me....

at least I'll be free.

I'm working on my will.

I want everything to go to my daughters if I die before I can get away.

Sorry this is choppy.

I'm crying so hard that I'm having trouble with my eyes

I think I'm going to fire my lawyer soon.

Delusional people are dangerous.

I need a restraining order.

I caught my ex lying about his latest round of job losses.

The ease with which he lies to me is scary.

If he can lie about quitting a job....

I'm sure he can lie when he says "I'm not involved with my family's stalking."

Scary stuff....

Stay safe out there.

No matter what, on the bright side, we'll all get to sleep someday.

Life is short.

Love ya,

S.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004. We ran into her at a Wal-mart in 2005 and my keys went mi

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor his financial

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much. People change over the course of their lives. Healthy people grow. Unhealthy people either stay static or regress. So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies. If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors. I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories. From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory. A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP. My ex is a ESTP and when he is stressed out

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