Today I am thankful for self-reflection.
Last week, I asked him when he will move out. He was supposed to move out in mid-October, 2013.
He never did. When he was making a lot of money, he refused to move out. It was when I started to call divorce lawyers to force him out that he lost his job. I had a woman call me pretending to be with a law office. I told her everything.
Michael "lost" his job the next day.
The real representative from the law office called me a week later to apologize for not reaching out to me. I learned that they had never called and that the number that called me was spoofed.
Now, I'm supposed to let him stay here until he finds a job. He's been unemployed for nearly eight months.
The last time I asked him when he would move out.
He said Friday.
Friday, April 8, 2016.
He said he had a job interview. If I'd just let him stay through the job interview, then he could leave.
I received a text message.
The job interview was canceled and will take place next week.
I feel torn.
There are days when I think that I'm only giving someone a place to stay. By doing so, he doesn't have to pay child support. He makes more messes than he cleans. It's an act of charity.
I feel guilty for wanting him out.
I want him out because of the stalking. I fear doing anything or having a routine because routines invite the staking.
I don't know how to communicate with him.
I know his job loss is just another excuse to stay here.
I sat in a meeting today.
I felt keyed up.
In fact, I always feel keyed up and anxious.
I tell myself, once Michael moves out, I can be myself again.
I don't know when that will be.
I never realized how sick the situation was making me until today.
I've been on edge for a long time.
I just want it to end.
I guess I need to file a contempt motion.
This is crazy.
Love ya,
S.