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Torn

Today I am thankful for self-reflection. 

Last week, I asked him when he will move out.  He was supposed to move out in mid-October, 2013.

He never did.  When he was making a lot of money, he refused to move out.  It was when I started to call divorce lawyers to force him out that he lost his job.  I had a woman call me pretending to be with a law office.  I told her everything.

Michael "lost" his job the next day.

The real representative from the law office called me a week later to apologize for not reaching out to me.  I learned that they had never called and that the number that called me was spoofed.

Now, I'm supposed to let him stay here until he finds a job.  He's been unemployed for nearly eight months.

The last time I asked him when he would move out.

He said Friday.

Friday, April 8, 2016.

He said he had a job interview.  If I'd just let him stay through the job interview, then he could leave.

I received a text message.

The job interview was canceled and will take place next week.

I feel torn.

There are days when I think that I'm only giving someone a place to stay.  By doing so, he doesn't have to pay child support.  He makes more messes than he cleans.  It's an act of charity. 

I feel guilty for wanting him out.

I want him out because of the stalking.  I fear doing anything or having a routine because routines invite the staking.

I don't know how to communicate with him. 

I know his job loss is just another excuse to stay here.

I sat in a meeting today.

I felt keyed up.

In fact, I always feel keyed up and anxious.

I tell myself, once Michael moves out, I can be myself again.

I don't know when that will be.

I never realized how sick the situation was making me until today.

I've been on edge for a long time.

I just want it to end.

I guess I need to file a contempt motion. 

This is crazy. 

Love ya,

S.

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