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I Finally Understand




Today I am thankful for Hollywood insight.

I arrived home from my hypnosis job around 10:00 last night.  I sat down and watched this movie....

Twice!!!

I went to sleep around 3:00 a.m.

Somewhere in the middle of this movie, one of Michael's old buddies was writing him asking him for our daughters' social media screen names. 

Oh no....

My daughter refused.

I explained to Michael why we need to honor our child's wishes.

They don't know this man. 

My history with this man has been less than positive.  I think this guy is a good man (deep down).  I think his wife is a sweetheart.  They're just gullible....and outspoken.

Those kind of people make the worst flying monkeys.

They were the excuse Michael used to steal my money back in 1994.

They inadvertently emotionally abused me.

Never trust a narcissist with your money.  Michael had access to about $4,500 of mine.  We were not married.  He needed a plane ticket to this couple's wedding.  I let him take what he needed and asked him to only use what he needed.  He bought a bus ticket for less than $100.

The entire sum was gone! I never saw it again.

Michael doesn't know where it went.  It didn't go for the trip.

I was a single mom at the time.  I needed to repair my car.  I could barely pay the bills.  That money was a settlement that I was given by an ex who liked to steal my money.

I like to save money. 

There are some men who like to take advantage of that.

In the end, I remember feeling ashamed that I trusted him.  I did say he could take what he needed for the cost of transportation.  Maybe the situation was my fault for NOT specifying how much he could actually take.

For years, that situation would be used as the excuse to keep me from working.  He wanted to take care of me to pay me back. 

If I looked for work, he'd take my car.  Failing that....his family would block me in the driveway.  If I did, somehow, manage to find work.....they'd harass my boss or coworkers in person. 

*****

I feel asleep in the early hours of the morning.

I had horrible dreams.

I'm locked in a room and need to take a biological break. 

I wind up pissing in a box.  I spend the rest of the dream trying to clean up my own urine while I hear voices of the people who locked me inside of the room. 

I realize that this is my life.

I'm being isolated.

Pissing denotes letting out negativity, concerns or worries. 

I can't tell anyone what is going on because I am making myself crazy trying to figure it out. 

I am also acting like a nut job trying to scare off the threat.  Puff yourself up - it scares off idiots.

I am alone.....with a small box in my lap....where I vent my frustrations and write in order to try to figure out what is going on.   All the while, the people behind this are watching my every keystroke and every move. 

******

Michael's friend and his wife came out to visit two weeks prior to our wedding.  We rented a house together (because when I lived on my own, I was evicted due to my landlords being telephonically harassed by a woman - probably Shannon).

The weird thing was that he made more money than me but I paid most of the bills.  I paid the rent, food and bought the gas (until Michael could repair his car - took him two years).  I paid just about everything.  Michael purchased the couch and paid the phone bill. 

When Michael's friends arrived, they expected me to wait on them hand and foot.  I was paying for the wedding on my own, making the bouquets, preparing the yard (which was 1/4 acre of unkempt space), and making the decorations by myself.

One day, Michael's male friend attacked me for not making lunch for him.  He said he had hypoglycemia and I was killing him.  I was told that I had hypoglycemia, too.  When I have an attack, I eat protein bars.  I gave him one.  This just pissed him off further.  Turns out, I don't have hypoglycemia.  I'm allergic to soy, wheat, eggs, milk and peanuts (among other things)....things that were in those protein bars! 

He, his wife and Michael took off leaving me alone to deal with things.

The next day, Michael brought his sister Shannon by the house.  She approached me and said that she wanted to DJ our wedding.  She wanted to play country songs (like "The Thunder Rolls" by Garth Brooks).  I told her no.  I once played bass in a country band.  I abhorred the experience.

There are only so many walking bass lines a girl can play without getting bored.  I prefer R&B and classic rock.  Luther Vandross, Freddie Jackson, Chaka Khan, Anita Baker.
Michael liked REO Speedwagon, Journey, Styx and so on.  I thought it would a good mix.

Shannon apparently, had other ideas.

She became violent and started to yell.  Michael stood by saying nothing.  When Shannon reached out to grab me, I became frightened.  I left with my daughter.  I didn't see Michael or his friends for nearly a week.

I am realizing now that those incidents were done to get away from me.

One day, I needed something signed for the minister and I couldn't find Michael.  I drove past his mother's house and saw his car.  I realized where they went.

I came home and started packing.  I fell ill.  The doctor diagnosed me with a bacterial infection.  He thought I needed to clean up my living situation and change the furnace filter.  Thinking back on it, I was probably having an allergic reaction to those protein bars I ate when I was busy. 

Michael ignored me when I told him I was sick.  I just kept packing.

My aunt told me Michael was acting out of character because he was just nervous and to go on with the wedding.  She was sure the situation would turn.  She tells me know that she wishes she never told me that.

I put my stuff back in the house.

The night before the wedding, Michael and his friend went out.  His wife in the sweetest way imaginable told me what Michael's mother had said about me and asked if I thought I was good for Michael.  She asked me to reconsider marrying him for HIS sake.

She was trying to be nice.

I never found out what Michael or his Mother told her.

*****
Years would pass.  We would later learn that Shannon had started to call this couple on a daily basis. They stopped talking to Michael or at least I was told they did.

One day, the husband was severely injured in a car crash.  He was disabled for a time.  It was a slow process for him to walk again.  Shannon told him not to talk to us.  When he fell ill, she refused to speak to him or his wife.  She cut him off when he needed her the most.

That was when Michael received an email explaining why they cut contact. 

This was about the time we started having break-ins at the house.  The neighbors said it was a woman.  They didn't call the police because they thought she may have belonged there.

This was about a month after Shannon threatened our neighbor with a gun.

******

The children know nothing of this.  They just don't want some stranger digging through their social networking sites. I fear that the question was asked on behalf of Michael's family.

Or Michael is trying to make me think his family is trying to get information about us. 

I'm still torn.

The cops, therapists and stalking advocates tell me that Michael is asking his family to stalk me to mess with my head and isolate me.  Michael swears that he isn't doing that. He claims he's no longer talking to his family.

It's okay if he talks to his family.  It's NOT okay that they stalk me.

I don't know what to believe.

I guess it doesn't matter.

This man lets people harass me.  He uses those incidents as a springboard to leave me alone to deal with everything on my own. 

He's got to go.

I'm hurt that I gave him too many chances.

He's avoiding me today. 

He's hiding the basement.

I wonder why?

I feel like a fool.

I really do.

I'm wondering if it is possible to fake a death certificate?  Shannon never had a funeral and she is not at the cemetery site for the family; I still go to visit with Wally and Carol (the pseudo parents I had after my mother died - they were Michael's aunt and uncle).

I know.....I'll ask my friends who work for the government.  I'm sure they've seen it all.

I'll let you know if anyone has seen such a thing**. 

Love ya,

S.

** Edit sometime later:  Yeah, people get fake death certificates in order to fraudulently collect benefits.  They even have templates online. 

Some people actually sell them specific to the state the "decedent" resides.  It's easy to find via a Google Search.

I'm feeling really stupid now. 

I'm pretty gullible, too. 




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