Today I am thankful that I have a shrink:
There are times when I think that I'm either crazy or someone is playing games trying to make me think I'm crazy.
I'll try to explain.
I had the house to myself yesterday morning.
I took a nice long bath with lavender oil and sea salt.
As I sat soaking in the tub, I heard footsteps downstairs. I locked the door. I glanced around looking for anything that could be a potential weapon.
I was in the bathroom.
I had hairspray (that would startle someone).
I had spray toiled bowl cleaner (that would blind someone).
I had hair cutting scissors (I could poke someone's eyes out - last resort).
I had a plan just in case the footsteps came closer.
Here is the deal...
I did NOT hear a door open or close.
After about fifteen minutes of silence, I dressed and went downstairs. The back door was locked and had a bar wedged up against the handle.
The front door was locked. One of the deadbolts was chained.
The garage door was closed but unlocked.
I'm sure I would have heard that door if it had opened and closed.
I opened the garage door.
I saw a shoe print that formed a liquid puddle on the stair leading into the house.
The green liquid smelled like automotive coolant.
I looked at the spot Michael parks his mini-van and noticed a huge puddle of coolant. It is possible someone walked in the coolant and left a print on the wooden stair.
The weird thing is that there were several feet between the puddle of coolant and the footprint on the stair. There were NO other coolant footprints.
I'm still pretty sure that I would have heard the door open and close.
That was one sound I did not hear.
I don't know what to think.
Michael told me that he wasn't in the house at the time of the creepy footprint sounds.
Maybe I'm crazy.
Maybe someone is trying to make me feel crazy.
I didn't even think to put a camera in that hallway. This has since been remedied.
I have to say - I will feel much safer when I can change the locks to the house.
I will never understand why people have to act this way.
I will never understand why someone would want to know everything about another human being.
I will never understand why someone would have to resort to subterfuge to get needed information. Why stalk? Why use gps? Why hack? Why not ask???!!!
I will never understand why someone would want to control another human being and not consider the other person at all...
Well....people do that sh!t to feel powerful. That kind of stuff takes so much time. It's tedious. It would make more sense just to develop a good relationship with that person rather than scare them away!
Maybe these people were never taught how to love.
It's sad.
I probably will never understand how much of this Michael is responsible for and how much of a roll his family has really had in the stalking situation.
This is really getting crazy.
I'm beginning to wonder if part of this stalking crap is designed to make me look crazy.
Some of the things I think I hear and see make absolutely no sense (e.g. one footprint rather than several).
Why would someone do that?
If I am discredited as "crazy" maybe he would be able to get custody from me.
He can probably get that through his refusal to move out. I am shocked at how much his staying here is impact the children and myself financially.
This is a mess.
It does hurt knowing that I cannot have relationships, invite people over, have parties and get on with my life until this mess is cleaned up.
I don't know what to do.
I'm still trying to get in front of a judge. I'm having a tough time connecting with my lawyer. It's hard to communicate with them because Michael is always here and I can't email them due to the hacking crap.
I'm sure this will end soon. It has to end soon.
Whether or not I am crazy, this situation is definitely crazy.
It really is.
Love ya,
S.