Realization

Today I am thankful for those moments when the dots start connecting themselves.

I came home from work around 1:00 a.m.  I couldn't fall asleep until 3:00.  At 6:30, I awoke to the slamming of doors.

I couldn't go back to sleep.

I avoid the living area until the kids go to school.  That way I don't end up arguing with Michael in front them.

Around 7:30, the youngest child left and I went downstairs to do the laundry.

I started a new load of laundry.

I cleaned the refrigerator.

I took out the trash.

I went back downstairs.

I had assumed that Michael did not come home from taking the youngest to school.

Imagine my shock when I saw him lying on the basement floor....not moving.

I thought he had died.

I let out a horrific scream.

He moved.

He was alive.

He claimed he was cleaning up the receipts that he throws all over the floor.

Then it hit me....

he leaves his tax papers all over the house.  You can see his paycheck stubs (when he was working), social security numbers, credit card numbers.....everything.

He leaves these things on the kitchen table, in the living room, on the floor in every room in the basement.

It's all there for the taking.

Michael always claims that his relatives are breaking into my house to steal photographs and other information about us.  He claims that they want to know every detail of our lives.

Yet my computer is the only one damaged.

I am the only one followed.

I am the only one whose employers get bizarre phone calls from his relatives trying to get me fired.

He swears up and down that they're breaking into my house.

He doesn't know how they are doing it.

I'm pretty sure he's lying now.

******
In high school, I was a shutterbug.  I carried a camera with me everywhere I went.

I have photos of just about everyone in my graduating class.  I have uploaded most of them to classmate websites and Facebook.

That habit did not end as I grew up.

I also liked to host parties before the stalking became bad.  After awhile, members of his family would attack me parties.  After this happened at three different parties, I stopped hosting them.

Now, that I think about it, there were four parties.  I used to have open houses where anyone could show up and partake in the festivities.  At the final party, an ex wound up protecting me.  That was weird for me.  That was weird for his wife.  He must have felt strange about it, too. 

I never had another party again.  Michael is never around when his family acts up.  At that final party, William's wife had called Michael to give her and her kids a ride to the party.  When he got there, she refused to get dressed (or so he claimed).  I'm not sure what went on there. He's never around when his relatives attack me. 

I took a lot of pictures.  I always had my recording equipment out so people could share their thoughts on tape.  I'd give these tapes and photos to the guests of honor after the parties.

I also kept one set for myself.

I knew Michael's cousins years before I met him.

I have photos of his family dating as far back as 1984.

Many of these people have died.

These photos and tapes are in blue boxes in my basement.  You can see them from the stairs as you're walking into the basement.

This is the strange part.

NO ONE TAKES THESE PHOTOS!!! 

They are clearly marked.

If his family is breaking into the house, why wouldn't they take those photos?

There is even one (quite visible) of his parents wedding day circa 1965.  I had a photographer friend copy a damaged photo the mother had.  That friend repaired the photo and I had always intended the new photo be given to my mother-in-law.

When the stalking became frightening.  I cut contact.  The photo stays in the basement on top of the filing cabinets.

The stalker doesn't take these items. They are visible! 

I even have a handkerchief I wanted to give to Shannon.  It was given to me on my wedding day.  Apparently, her grandmother had it with her when she was married in Poland.

I never knew when Shannon would follow me around in public, so I never had such a delicate item with me.  It sits in a curio cabinet by the front door (where Shannon was caught breaking in).

I didn't think about it when I caught Shannon messing with the door. 

No one has taken that item either.

It is becoming apparent that Michael is the stalker and he's blaming his mother.  His family is probably harassing me due to the lies he's told about me.

Michael claims they are stalking me to run me off.  It's my house.  Am I supposed to leave and give it to Michael?  I've asked if he wants it.  He refuses to go back to mediation.  Besides, he'd have to buy me out of it now.  He spent most of our retirement, so he doesn't have the money to trade for the house.  When we divorced, the housing market tanked.  I would have preferred the money to the house.  Now, the market has recovered significantly and houses are over priced.  I really need to get it ready to sell.

It's really hard to prove who exactly is behind the stalking because several people take part in it.

The brother has followed me in public claiming that I won't let Michael talk to them.

His mother, father and aunt Mary Ellen used to harass me because Michael wasn't going to college.  Shannon actually went down to the college, tried to get a job in my department and gave my academic advisor and psychology professor an earful.  They advised me to get a divorce.

Later Michael said he told his mother that I wouldn't let him go to college - he said that he told her that to get her to stop asking why he wasn't in school.  The sick thing is.....he was in school.  I helped him get financial aid!!!

I'm getting ready to call my lawyer and I read through the parenting agreement.  Now, remember I wasn't in the room when the agreement was made. 

I was only there to sign it.

I am dismayed at this phrase:

 Mother and Father agree that the children will not have any contact with Father's extended family, including his mother, any future spouse or significant other of his mother, sibling(s), aunt(s), uncle(s), or cousin(s) without mediation that includes Mother, Father and the proposed family member who would have contact with the children.

 It dawned on me that this phrase is designed to keep us from talking to the other side.  We could never learn the truth if we cannot talk to them.  That could explain why my Michael would only talk to his mother when I was not present. 

I also wonder if this phrase is why the stalking escalated after the divorce was final.  If he told his family that I put that in there, it could explain the vitriol.

We received a letter about ten years ago from Michael's father.  He claimed his mother was afraid of Michael and that they would call the police if we spoke to them again.  There have been two occasions since, when Michael has threatened to kill his mother before taking off in my vehicle.  Both times, I had to call the police and her extended family to warn them.

Of course, the mother called after that and requested that I clean her home because she had lost her sight due to a stroke and her husband had knee surgery.  It's sad but I can't put myself in that position.  Nothing good comes out of my contact with these people.   I was conflicted about it - I wanted someone to help her.  I just couldn't do it.

I really don't know what is going on.  I do know what I've seen with my own eyes.  His sister used to follow me around in public (it stopped in October 2014).  Her fiancé still harasses me at home and has moved very close to my house.  The brother has followed me into a metaphysical fair to harass me about not allowing his brother to visit him (he did this in front of a coven of witches who cast a banishing spell against him.....lol).  His uncle has approached me in public to glare at me (weird....senility does strange things to people).  There is another guy I've never met before who has harassed me at my house (he looks like the brother but has brown eyes and a rounder face).

There are miscellaneous weird occurrences, too.  Things like property damage, damage to the front door, computers tampered with, android phones accessing different screens on their own, gps boxes on my car, the garage door mysteriously opening and closing, door handles moving on their own or someone who bangs loudly on the door three times (OCD perhaps?),  but when I run to the door I can't see anyone through the peephole.

The cops say, Michael's doing it to mess with me.

I'm researching locks.  I can't get  keyless entry lock (too easy to hack).  I'm finding out that Yale and Schlage make he best locks.

I'm learning how to reset keys.

I'm researching garage door openers.

I'm looking at two security camera systems.  I'll probably buy both just in case the electricity goes out. 

This is a major pain in the behind.

I'm tired.

I really am. 

I hope I can find remedy with the court.

I don't trust judges to listen or take it seriously. 

There was a man here, a cop, who abused his wife (and I'm going to say he murdered her based on the evidence that the police department hid).  His first name is Thomas and his last name is phonetically the same as 'phallus" (which is fitting because he seems to be a dick). 

His cop buddies in Evans botched the investigation.  Cops in other jurisdictions think he put a gun in his wife's hand and pulled the trigger.  A jury let him get away with murder because they couldn't prove that he murdered her (due to the botched investigation). Statement analysis, behavioral analysis and witness statements shows him to be a liar and an abuser.  He even admitted to the murder but the police department fired the officer who heard it.  There was blood on is hands and after the shooting, all he seemed concerned about during the 911 tapes was himself.  He never once asked for help for his wife.

I think Fallis is having his girlfriend leave comments vindicating him on every social media post about the case.  She attacks anyone who shares anything about domestic violence and how dangerous it is. I fear that we may be blogging in her memory in the near future.   I hope I'm wrong.  I hope they're not involved.  If so, I pray she gets away.

 Men like that get away with murder.  Every time we let a man like that get away with murder, another abuser is empowered.  I saw it with the OJ case.  Back then I was victim's advocate.  I met a lot of women whose abusers claimed they could kill them and get away with it just like "The Juice." 

Worse, we had another domestic violence murder yesterday.  This one was a few blocks from my office.  A man shot his wife.  A neighbor, who was a doctor, intervened to help the victim.  The doctor was murdered.  The neighborhood is reeling.  Everyone wonders why this happened.

I wonder if this woman reached out for help and met with the same response I got. 

"It's your husband. Divorce him and you'll be safe.  We can't help you."

After you divorce him, it gets worse and you're still on your own. 

Cops are no help.  District Attorneys won't take a case without a LOT of proof (IP address are NOT proof by the way). Some shelters do more harm than good.  Family courts don't pay attention.  There is NO financial safety net (not for the honest anyway). 

Abusers get away with acting out. 

This is why people die.

It's sad.  Society ingrains these men with the notion that they can get away with anything.  Sadly, few people understand that these kind of men will target just about anyone who they feel is getting in he way of their desire to control another person.  They are especially dangerous when they are raging.

These assholes need to be held accountable for their behavior.....period. 

If we don't get these assholes under control, imagine what is going to happen when more women start becoming the breadwinners of their households.  More men are going to suffer.  That should give pause to any guy who thinks domestic violence is okay. 

It's about power and control.  Abusers are after one thing - control. 

The moment someone punishes you for not acting as they want you to act - leave.  Don't look back.  Just go.  You can't win with these people.  I don't care what gender they are, abusers are not worth your time.  You can't get involved with these people.  They'll be the first to scratch themselves, call the cops and have you arrested to get you to fall into line.

You have to look for the signs early on.  With the last guy I dated, I realize that I stupidly missed one of the signs.

Steve never hit me.  He choked me the first time he got me alone.  I thought he was inexperienced and didn't know how to engage in erotic asphyxiation, so I cut him some slack.  Right before I broke up with him, he threatened to lie to get a restraining order because I didn't answer the phone quick enough.  He said that his ex-wife lied about him and got one and he could do the same thing.  I had a Jeffco Sheriff set him straight so I could retrieve my belongings.

These people have no empathy.  They have no ethics.  Male or female, it doesn't matter.  Get away from them and stay away.  These people can paint you the abuser quite easily and without remorse.

Love,

S.

P.S.  I apologize for the missing words and typos.  The keyscrambler causes my typing to slow down, so sometimes I type faster than the computer can recognize it.

Cyber-stalking sucks.