Today I am thankful for the premonitions of another therapist.
She told me that she thinks I'm going to be murdered. She asked me to do whatever it takes to stay safe.
In taking to her today, I got the sense that she thought today was going to be the last time she saw me alive.
She's afraid for me.
She thinks Michael is going to murder me when the day comes for him to move out of the house.
I feel it, too.
I can't go to the local domestic violence safe house. My daughter just turned 18. The safe house told me that they'd turn her away.
******
I wish I knew what I was dealing with.
I don't.
Yeah, I'm angry.
I joke about my religion.
I guess I can go to Hades.
Or go be with Osiris and tell him about the US Media and government harassing people who honor his wife.
Death doesn't scare me.
My children being harmed scares me.
I actually spent my day pricing Tasers.
Guns appear to be cheaper.
****
Again, I asked Michael what was going on.
Again, he denied knowing anything about his family bugging me, why my computer was taken apart, why I'm finding the screws to my laptop around the house, or why the garage door seemingly opens by itself in the middle of the night.
I know he's lying.
I am in a rage right now.
A slow silent scary rage.
One where I whisper.
He looked scared.
I probably sounded scary.
If I could define the feeling I feel....it is panic...the words that describe this panic would be "kill or be killed."
I asked him to get out of my house and my life.
He said "no."
He has nowhere to go.
I wasn't really asking.....I was demanding that he leave.
He says no.
He starts to cry.
He claims to be a victim of his family.
He won't seek help for his victimhood.
He doesn't act like a stalking victim.
He acts like a stalker.
I've tried to get him into mediation the past four months.
He promises to fill out the paperwork.
He never does.
Worse....
he's now telling me that he doesn't want to move out because he wants to keep me safe from his family.
I don't know that his family is acting alone.
They're getting their information somewhere.
In the past, they got it from Michael.
It's not adding up.
I'm scared.
It's probably time for a restraining order.
Michael doesn't want to leave my house or my life.
When I try to leave, he tells me "no." He says it's my house as per the divorce decree. The problem is that he's not honoring the divorce agreement...at all.
*****
I'm losing my mind.
I guess I had better start honoring my faith.
I hate liars.
I really do.
Kill or be killed.
It's weird when people act like you're going to die.
I have got to find a way out of here.
I find myself cleaning up my office and room for the police.
That's why I started writing these blogs in the first place.
Things got bad.
I've been stalked over 24 years now.
Michael blamed my high school sweetheart.
He knew of Tom because I went to school with his best friend and cousins. Tom and I were best friends in high school. After I graduated, Michael's cousins and our mutual friend insisted that Tom wore ball gowns and was gay. Truth be told, Tom was very religious back in the day - to the point his willpower was much stronger than his libido. I, quite honestly, don't really know. He only was sexual with me when I was really hurting and he wanted to comfort me (due to the suicide of my step-father). For years, Michael would make fun of men in dresses and call them Tom. It took me 8 years to realize who he was talking about. He was chewed out royally as a beautiful African American man in a pink ball gown pranced in front of our car. You know what, he wore it better than I could! The truth of the matter is, love is love. You love people for who they are - no matter what they wear or who they are. That must have pissed Michael off to no end.
Then, after blaming Tom, Michael blamed my ex-husband. My ex-husband liked to take me to court for silly stuff. My ex-husband and I had a strange 18 month relationship. He was seeing a woman that he called his best friend throughout our relationship. His friend was ten years older than I. His mother didn't approve. I was the relationship his mother knew about and one day, while visiting his mother, he had a minister waiting for me. I hid in the bathroom for hours trying to avoid what she'd planned. We were 1,500 miles away from home. I needed to get home. He would beat me to go see his lover. He put me in the hospital one too many times, I left. He married her. She would call me to ask how to handle his beatings. It broke my heart. He stopped suing me in 2004 when I hired a damn good lawyer who saw through his crap.
Then Michael blamed the city.
The City Attorney stole my money and had an assistant challenge me in a phone call. Hint - never admit to violating Federal law, steal $500 from a redheaded witch and then say "you think you're all that. What are you going to do about it?" That brat slammed the phone down.
Her name is Stacy. She was as transparent as Glass. She reminds me of a filthy street in Denver we call Evans.
I wonder if she knows why those tax hikes failed?
Stupid lawyer.
Don't challenge people you don't know. You never know if they are covert hypnotist experts wanting to try dark techniques. You also don't know if they have political connections.
That's not what pissed me off. She lied about me in an unemployment hearing. I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't read it for myself in the court transcripts. I went off like a firework. If you make the mistake of attacking a stranger - only do it ONCE!
(((( author grins ))))
I'm going to get my money back. I save $50 a year in taxes. I have to fight a heck of a lot more tax hikes to get the money back they stole. They stole another $500 a few years later. Michael took $10,000 out of my retirement account to pay that $500 AFTER WE WERE DIVORCED.
I'll get that money back, too.
*****.
Last year, Michael tried blaming Steve. Yeah, Steve did threaten to stalk me in text and email messages. He also threatened to get a restraining order against me because I refused to talk to him. He did have a young girl telephone a lot, too. Steve doesn't drive. He doesn't have the ability to stalk me. He's also settled himself into some of my political groups - I quit going to those meetings. He does not have the transportation required to do the things that have been going on. He also wasn't around in January of 1992 when these things first started.
Now Michael blames his family.
His family hasn't threatened to kill anyone. He has. He has threatened to kill his mother. His family hasn't stolen money from me. He has.
He still claims his family is behind the stalking and the property damage. Yes, I have caught them stalking me. I have caught them damaging my property. People tell me that his brother, sister, mother and a cousin spread gossip about me. His brother, damn him, destroyed a 1970's era pinball machine. I have what is left of it. It is a relic from my childhood. They're doing some of it. I just don't know if Michael is asking them to do it. He once claimed he sent his sister a key to our home and told her to come in any time. He may have asked William to tear apart the pin ball machine. He may have asked Doug and Shannon to keep tabs on me and Tom as we drank tea at a local restaurant.
I don't know.
Most of these people did very nasty and hurtful things to me at some point in time. With the exception of Tom, I believed Michael when he claimed they were the ones cutting my transmission hoses, tearing up the property, banging on the door, stealing money, spreading gossip and so on.
The truth of the matter is, I don't know who is doing what....
I have pretty much documented everything that has happened to me since 2007 on this Blogger account.
If there is a need for justice, I'm sure the authorities can figure it out.
I guess I should take out a life insurance policy and put together a will giving the house and money to the person who gets the children.
This is weird....
I'm inadvertently living my mother's life.
She died at the hands of my step-father. He killed himself in '87. The suicide note claimed guilt for killing my mother. The coroner said he had stage four lung cancer. The cancer is probably the reason he took himself out.
I thought I'd never be in the same situation.
The detective told me that stalkers are always the person you'd least expect.
I'm incredibly shocked at what has happened....hurt and shocked.
I'll see what magick I can pull out of my ass in the next few hours.
I'm at my personal full moon and I am angry. Society calls it PMS. Witches call it our full moon - the time when we seek justice for the crap we put up with.
It's the best time to cast a protection spell.
Love ya,
S.