Today I am reporting aspects of my family's strange life - as well as strange advice.
Because I'm so busy trying to make money to pick up the financial slack, my writing has become sloppy. My posts have become fewer and farer between.
The first thing I am going to mention is that my ex is starting to become a "no-call, no show" with visitation. This is part of the reason I fear that the stalking could be soon back on the horizon.
Stalking is all about control.
He shows up to things without a word and does not show up to things he's scheduled for.
The kids told me yesterday that he's asking them to agree to visitation outside of the schedule without telling me.
This is a huge RED flag. I've asked him to tell my lawyer what his ideal visitation would look like. I've asked for several years and he has NEVER answered that question.
There is one other consideration - that is that kids often pit their parents against one another. There could be more to the story. The problem, though, is that I cannot speak his language. Typically his communication consists of insults towards me and refusal to answer questions.
He's only cordial if he wants something (e.g. me to agree to pay for all insurance costs, medical expenses and academic fees while dropping child support 60%).
This is why I have spent thousands of dollars on legal fees so the lawyers can deal with it. He's nicer to them.
I'm drowning in credit card debt. I've spent far more in legal fees that he has EVER paid in child support. Fortunately, I was awarded a judgment for most of it.
If only he'd cooperate......
****
A therapist buddy had advice -
she told me to get married.
That will be a trick. I'm terrified to date. The last time I tried to date, I had a third wheel stalker follow me around.
She told me that if I married, my ex and his family would leave me alone. The stalking and harassment would end completely as, in the minds of obnoxious, backwards men, I'd be the property of a new man.
No....a marriage of convenience?
Nah, that's not my style.
Even if it were a friend, I'd have to take time to get to know him in more interesting ways.
I mean, I typically have sound foam all over the walls of my bedroom. That could scare a guy away.
On the bright side, I'm reclaiming my home. I am thinking about creating a studio in my basement apartment. It's hard to think about sex in a room filled with guitars, saxophones, microphones and computers.
IF I move it into another room....maybe I'll change....
maybe.
****
Last night, at work, my musician/therapist colleague was talking about his dating adventures: one of our mutual friends (whose crushing on him hard) is rude, another is gay, another in love with someone else
and an unnamed person just keeps shooting him down (a statement he made while making little airplane sounds following by a loud "crash").
He was probably talking about me.
Fear is a scary thing. We moved into a conversation about DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). I mentioned that it would have come in handy with the last guy I tried to date. He finally revealed his Cluster B diagnosis after a horrible Facebook slander campaign and a choking attempt (because he claimed choking me would hook me into the relationship and keep me from abandoning him - something an ill-advised Man-Slut Seduction Guru teaches).
I think my colleague finally understands my fear of dating. He may have felt shot down but at least he wasn't writhing on the ground in prolonged pain due to the strangeness of my life.
Marriage? That's not in the cards for me any time soon.
*****
The funny thing is that I've let myself go. On a subconscious level, I thought adding a few more pounds would keep the men away.
It didn't. It just caused me to wear ugly clothes.
I'm missing my kale and my exercise bike. As I try to get back into my skinny jeans, I'll ponder that thought. Perhaps, my previous appearance attracted the wrong kind of men to me.
****
Hope all is well in your life.
Don't get involved with vampiric turkeys, all they do is gobble up your time and energy.
Love ya,
S.
