Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful for sitting down with the kids. I'm going to share what I was told just in case the stalking by my ex and his family returns full force, I'd like a place to document something. What I learned sounds innocuous, even like a good thing. If it stops where it is, it will probably be a great thing. If it turns back into full blown stalking where third parties are threatened, it will be a horrible thing. In the past, it always started out as small, legal things that fed his obsession and ballooned. ***** I'll also say that in the past month, I've learned that my ex is refusing to honor the court agreements to carry health insurance on the kids. He also refuses to pay his share of medical expenses. I made a huge mistake agreeing to lower his child support based on the lie that was told about him having a substance use disorder.  By agreeing to drop his support, I've agreed to allow him to get out of helping us financially. Going forwar...

Today I am thankful for love and the realization that I'm too afraid to get into a relationship.  So....I had a mishap with a vial of glycolic acid on my face. I have third degree burns around my mouth. It's healing nicely. It won't scar. With the injuries to my face, I never expected.... well.... I never expected an invitation. The injuries are easy to conceal with Estee Lauder make-up.  The problem, though, is that the stuff is so darn heavy, that if someone brushes against your face, it will literally take scratch the finish and you'll end up with a deep line where the person touched you. **** So...I work with a man... my age.... studying addiction counseling.... who plays a multitude of instruments (just like me)…. Well, not just like me.... he sings better than I. The thing I really like about him is that he sees the beauty in every person he meets. I think there is something healing about a counselor who can see the beauty in an...

Today I am thankful for inhalers. Now, I just have to get health insurance so I can get one. Yeah....back in the day, when I was first diagnosed with asthma and let my prescription expire, I could go to the pharmacy and buy Primatene Mist over the counter. Not anymore.....thanks Obama. Yes, that one was Obama. The healthcare debacle was Obama but it was started by Clinton. Trump is the reason I'm taking less money home every month (there, I had to make it fair). So.... New cabinets (solid wood...woo hoo). New countertops (crap, they look like the nurse's station at work....note to self, don't pick out countertops after an overnight shift). New carpet, New hardwood floors, New top soil, New deck, New siding, New roof and new gutters. I'm cleaning out the house!  Everything is so very dusty that I whistle when I breathe. That's funny because I never learned how to whistle. ***** I'm trying to stay out of neighborhood drama.  ...

Today I am thankful for lack of sleep. Yes, you read that right. I'm experiencing eustress: the condition of having so many great things happen to you that causes stress. I have a good job. I'm nearly done with school. I have a good lawyer. My house is being renovated. I'm sleeping about four hours a day (when the contractors are here). It'll all be worth it in the end. The problem with a lack of sleep is the weight gain.  My exercise equipment is buried in the basement. It'll be nice to get back to working out again. Things are going well for me. I'm not so sure if things are going well for my ex-husband. ***** My ex-husband has started seeing the kids about four hours a week. I learned that his child support should be much higher based on his income and I'm trying to make a decision surrounding that.  I ran up the credit cards on legal fees to get him out of the house and to deal with his antics.  The interest alone is causing a...

Today I am thankful for contractors and realizations.  The contractors are working on the house and I have never slept better.  The past couple of nights I've worked the late shift and sleep well into the morning.  The contractors arrive around 7:00 to start working. Just to be sure, all of the banging is going on outside of the house.  This week, they're tearing off my siding, mixing cement and redoing the sidewalks. I sleep well when they are here.  I know that sounds bizarre. I'm pretty sure that is because of the stalking.  I'm always hyper vigilant.  I'm always afraid of my ex-husband breaking in and attacking me or destroying my home further. When these guys are here, I'm not afraid. I can sleep. Unfortunately, their presence does not stop the nightmares. ***** Now, that I'm sleeping well, I'm noticing that I'm having nightmares of my ex-husband. In these dreams he's trying to get other people to kill me. In one ...