Today I am thankful for the advice of an old man.
I've had a chronic cough for over a year.
I thought it was asthma. I've been working for a California HMO over the past 14 months, they've been promising me health insurance.
It never comes to fruition.
I've been waiting to have my asthma re-evaluated.
At least I thought it was asthma.
I started fainting at the gym at the age of 28. The docs told me it was exercise induced asthma and gave me a prescription for an inhaler.
I never filled it.
The breathing has gotten worse.
It got to a point on Friday that I started to wheeze and cough with activity.
I had overbooked myself on Saturday. I had hypnosis clients and promised someone I'd go to a Democrat event.
I pushed myself.
When I went to the political event, it was more crowded than a rave. I'm not joking. It was at a café which was smaller than my living room. There must have been eighty people there.
I went in and spoke to a couple of people. These people name dropped some city councilwomen. I decided to leave and introduce myself the next time I'm at a town hall.
I literally could not breathe.
The next day I went to an urgent care.
My blood pressure was so high they wouldn't tell me the score.
In the past, I've been sent to the ER. That was usually after eating something I was allergic to.
Not this time.....
My wheezing and coughing is due to pulmonary hypertension -
this runs in my family.
I need to get insurance pronto so I can find a doctor to treat it.
Sigh....
*****
I still work at the health care company.
I still answer the phones.
Today, I met a ninety year old man who asked about an echocardiogram.
He explained to me that he was always as healthy as a horse until his wife died last year.
Now, his heart is literally broken. It beats all out of rhythym.
He expects to join her soon despite the best efforts of his internist and cardiologist.
He seemed excited to join his wife again, it made me feel as if my sadness betrayed his joy.
*****
I thought back on my health.
I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder in 1997. That was the year my ex-husband took my life savings and plunked it on a house I didn't want. He chose a home that made it hard for me to work because it wasn't near a transit line.
I gave up my job.
In 1998, I was diagnosed with asthma. This was after six years of harassment by his family. In fact, that year, I'd often get calls from his relatives telling me what they saw me do in the kitchen as they drove by my house.
Creepy.....
In 2007, I had my first bout of high blood pressure. This was shortly after my then husband started calling me Mrs. Erickson. His name isn't Erickson. That's the name of the young man I dated in high school. This is the one that has the look of love in his eyes when he sees me but his strumming hands betray his impatience. I was never Mrs. Erickson. To hear the man I was married to call me that name....well....it broke my heart.
It was almost as if that event called Mr. Erickson to me. He came out to visit three times in the next four years. I still don't know what he needed when he came out to visit and pray he's okay. I'd ask but I don't know if I shouldn't open up a huge can of worms for him....so I'll be quiet.
In 2013, a few months after the police department told me that my ex was stalking me, I tested high in the marker for breast cancer.
This time last year, I had a breast cancer scare.
*****
My step-father often told me that our emotions dictated our health.
My heart was broken time and time again throughout the relationship. I find it strange that the area around my heart became sick and decrepit when I learned my ex was having his family harass and stalk me.
****
I don't know.
I do know that I will lose my health coverage in four days. In two weeks, I'm due to a test to see if my tumor grew.
I don't think I'll be able to afford the test.
Thank goodness I have my step-father's Essiac Tea Recipe.
Love ya lots,
S.
Edit a few days later: I was able to get the test. The tumor is gone. The doctor is claiming that I could have had a misdiagnosed infection in my left breast.
It could be that the tea worked.
Either way it is good news.