Today I am thankful for the realization that I have to lawyer up.
I've decided that I can no longer deal with the attorney who wanted me to capitulate to my stalker. All that did was make my ex more brazen. The lawyer didn't want me to make my ex mad.
The problem with that is...well..my ex always seems to be raging unless he's in front of people he wants to influence. Anger can be a manipulative tool.
He's nice if I do everything he wants, too.
I don't have time cater to him any more.
I'm tired.
The level of hostility and his aggressiveness scares me. One would think that it would have leveled out five years since the divorce was finalized. One would think that if I didn't push to collect child support, he'd be nicer, too.
It's getting worse. He sends me vile messages while demanding that I answer mediation paperwork. I have NEVER seen paperwork from the mediator or my lawyer of record. He's either lying or the demands are so insane no one is forwarding them to me.
He's claiming that his family never stalked me and that I'm a liar. I'm thinking that he's either living in a drug induced fantasy world where he never stalked me or punched holes in the walls -or- he's trying to intimidate me into accepting another crappy change to our divorce agreement.
I'm not sure what he wants. He may just want to waste my time and money.
I can imagine he wants me to forgive his $45,000 in arrears or reverse the judgments for $15,000. I won't do that. He stole far more than that out of the retirement accounts prior to the divorce. I can't afford to let him off the hook. I let him off the hook for alimony despite the ruling from the judge. It's sad he doesn't how much money he saved.
I know he was complaining that he doesn't get the tax credit. Men in arrears can't take it. I feel horribly because I let him take it on two occasions when he didn't qualify.
I won't make that mistake again. It must have created unfair expectations for him.
I'm too darn busy for games.
A good lawyer can deal with him on my behalf and put together an agreement affording him little wiggle room.
Wiggle room is how toxic personalities gain control. The way the agreement is set up, he can demand visitation at a drop of the hat. His visitation games have already cost me one job.
I can't afford to lose another.
******
I can't handle any more property damage.
After the damage to my garage door (not to mention all of the other damage in the house), I've decided to lawyer up. Much of it occurred while he was still living here but I found it strange that the garage door didn't close during the two days he was harassing me. That was remedied by disconnecting the garage door opener.
The day before he visited the house, the garage door was stuck. I left it open and barricaded the doors to the house. That day, the box of evidence I had hidden in the garage went missing. This box held the answering machine tapes containing the threats, the letters and other creepy emails I received from my ex's family. I kept it more to remind myself of the crap I endured. The evidence was too old for the police to use.
That was around the time he sent me about eight texts calling me a liar and claiming I was never harassed and stalked by his family.
Because the garage door was broken, I manually closed it and parked the car outside. It didn't run the day after he was here. The mechanic isn't sure why but we suspect water in the gas tank. It may be a coincidence. I'm learning to pay attention to coincidences.
I've never parked my car outside on days I've felt threatened in the past.
I hope I'm just paranoid but it's strange at how much goes wrong when this guy comes around the house.
******
I'm going to have to stop posting until the legal battle is over. This will be the fourth time in a decade I've hidden my blog due to legal crap concerning my stalkerish ex and his family.
Hopefully this will be the last time.
Tomorrow my home will literally be crawling with contractors to put in new doors and windows. Hopefully this will stop the baloney with the break-ins.
In the next few months, the contractors will patch the holes in the drywall. They've taken pictures so it's not like my ex can lie about his crappy behavior. He forgets that the cops caught him blocking the door so I couldn't leave the house on December 25, 2009. I asked them NOT to arrest him. That was my mistake.
Lessoned learned - once an asshat breaks the law allow the police to do their jobs or else it will come back to bite you in the arse.
So.... I don't know what to do about the all the emails and texts shaming me for not getting a restraining order. I'm scared of him. I regret not getting one against him now. I won't make that mistake again.
I was told a restraining order would make a family court judge think I was engaging in PAS. I let myself be harassed for over a decade because I was terrified of never seeing the kids.
Another lesson - always get the restraining order.
*****
I will continue to post but everything will be hidden. That way, I turn up dead, the police can see what was going on in my life. It may sound a tad bit dramatic, but this guy made it a point to cc me on an email to the county court complaining of his frustration that I won't violate court orders to do what he wants.
His frustration leads to rage. His rage is dangerous.
This could be the very reason the court isn't forwarding his demands to me. I'm sure they've seen this crap before. I'm sure they know where it leads.
****
In short,
demanding and threatening texts and emails coupled with property damage and missing evidence is a sign and a signal that I've been too kind and need to tighten up my security.
In the past, when I have refused to update information about my life, the stalking would pick up as my ex (and/or his family) searched for more information. I'll take my chances. Given the new home improvements, I think it will be okay.
Maybe this will buy me some time to put together a hypnosis and/or drug addiction resource blog. It should give me more time to paint, too.
I'm hopeful.
*****
If I can leave you with one piece of wisdom, it is this -
You are far too brilliant and too important to waste a moment of your life on the drama of smaller people.
You wouldn't be in this world if you were not important.
Love ya lots,
S.
Edit one week later: When one has a stalker, one has to change her entire life up. I now have a new job, another lawyer and am about to file contempt charges. I no longer have a retirement.
When the last kiddo turns 19, I'll move and change my name again. The only way to free myself from the harassment is to hide.
Such is life....
Be mindful of whom you date. Don't be so forgiving early in relationships that is what leads to us ignoring red flags and getting stuck with controlling abusers.
Don't live my life. Listen to your instincts.
Love,
S.