Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful for sheriff officers who break the law and the supervisors who cover it up. Oh, and I'm thankful for video footage, too. Two weeks ago someone I know shared a video of sheriff officers breaking the law . She asked the officers for their names.  They refused, on camera. In Colorado, a peace officer is supposed to give you his business card when asked. One of them was very nasty in his refusal. I saw the video. I was angry. ***** Part of what they did was utilize several handicap parking spots for their personal vehicles.  They refused to move them. They blocked access to the disabled parking at a county owned public facility! I saw the video and became angry when I saw the cop refuse to give his name. It took me a few minutes to realize the source of my anger. It goes well beyond people who are sworn to uphold the law actually breaking it. That's always been a pet peeve of mine. ****** I have a crush . This man has t...

Today I am thankful for my neighbor. My neighbor is a retired Private Investigator and former New York City cop. He's tough. He bailed me out of a stalking incident a few years back when a guy pretending to be with Ameriprise tried to get into my house with a ink-jet printed badge and no real ID. The insurance company didn't send him . A few days after the second incident with this guy, my ex claimed this guy contacted him via email to look at the house -but- that doesn't explain why he showed up when I had to leave for job interviews and block the garage.  Nor does it explain why he drove towards the kids and I head on in the street one morning as I left to take the kids to school. I don't believe it was a coincidence that he'd block my driveway when I needed to leave for job interviews nor do I think it was a coincidence that he knew exactly when I took the children to school.  I'm pretty sure someone told him what I was doing and when.  I'm ...

Today I am thankful for Google.  So....over the past three weeks.... we think we had someone break into the house.  The kids heard footsteps one morning.  The cat freaked out.  It got to the point where we bought one of these for each and every door (including the door leading into the back yard from the garage). On Saturday, my ex-husband accused me of stalking him  He's been diagnosed with NPD.  It is well known that one always knows what a narcissist is up to doing because he'll accuse you of the very same thing. He is also blaming me for things that are going wrong in his life. It's sick, I know. The problem with blaming someone else for all your problems is that you give them a heck of a lot of control over your well being.  That.....and it also gives you an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for making things better. He claims his family was stalking me but he doesn't talk to them....except when he does.  He used to spea...

Today I am thankful for the Bible.  It has been a day of candles and prayer. Perhaps I'll share the passages, perhaps I won't. I'm realizing that some people go all out to try to get the energy of others and to try to control them. I realized that my ex knows he's making excuses for his bad behavior.  He is telling stories in an effort to get me to doubt my own reality.  He may even be telling stories to make me out to be crazy. It doesn't matter why he lies.  It shows that he has yet to grow up. I'm going to do my best to banish the negativity. Sigh..... Perhaps I'll add to the post later tonight. I am realizing that we are not safe in this house.  The games will continue so long as my ex runs amok. I received a child support check for $291.00 yesterday.  That's probably why he called.  He probably wants to get his money's worth in taxi-cab services from me. $291.00....that will barely buy the alarm system and stun gun I'v...

Today I am thankful of confirmation that my ex is behind the stalking.  Last October, CO-PEP (the Colorado Parents Employment Project) sued me to drop my ex's child support.  They claimed that he was in an alcohol rehab program and could only make $12 an hour. They also wrote that he would be forbidden from working for a period of 8 to 27 months. After spending nearly $4,000 on legal fees, I reluctantly agreed because...well...the court date that was set up would cause me to lose my temp job. I don't get child support. I need to work. So I signed an agreement dropping his child support for a period ranging from 8 months to 27 months. Of course...he got a job right away.  I know he's making far more than $12 an hour. According to our divorce agreement, every May we are supposed to trade paycheck stubs and tax records.  Last month, I sent him an email reminding him of this and asking how he'd like to exchange information. He ignored it. That...

Today I am thankful for a local clerk who taught me about cheaters.  So....it started when I bought fuel injection cleaner for my aging Buick. The clerk checked my ID. I told her that I was "almost elderly." She didn't believe my birth date. She said my skin was too smooth -and- I wasn't wearing "cheaters". She said she thought I was in my early thirties. Cheaters?  What are cheaters? Well....they are cheap glasses that people need when their inability to focus grows longer than their arms. I wonder if she saw me struggling to read the ingredients on the protein bars I bought. Oh....I can't read without headaches.  I always blamed the allergies or my dry eyes. I hate using the internet because I can't focus on the letters. I also have dyslexia so I wind up reading bizarre things that are unique to me. This can lead to some comical situations. For example - I tend to read Martial Arts and Marital Arts and wonder if so...

Today I am thankful for flights of fancy. At least I think that is what I'm experiencing. So..... my internet went down. That means that I was not distracted by the internet. This gave me free time to think.... I wasn't really thinking, so much as daydreaming. ****** The first step in changing one's life is imagining what one's life would be like if needed changes were made. I've spent the past five years chasing jobs that pay enough to raise kids without child support. I've gone to insane lengths to do this. I'm licensed as an insurance agent in 37 states. I'm certified in various forms of psychotherapy. Because I want to get decent health insurance on the kids, I was trying to get on to my favorite health insurance company hailing from California. I used to sell Medicare plans for them.  They moved their sales department to Florida and laid me off.  I went to sell for a competitor who asked me to break a lot of laws. ...

Today I am thankful for my new security cameras.  I couldn't sleep last night.  I wound up taking a ton of Benadryl around 3:00 am so I could finally sleep. The energy was weird. I felt a presence in my room but thought it was my imagination.  I had my ritual candles going.  The smell of incense filled the air. I just thought I was having a hypnogogic hallucination. The last time I remember seeing on the clock before drifting off to sleep was 3:14.  My clock is ten minutes fast, so it was about 3:00 a.m.  when I went out like a light. ****** I awoke and did my usual Sunday stuff. My youngest woke up and told me that she received a text from her older sister around 4:04 a.m. wanting to know if she were awake. She said she was asleep. I didn't think anything of it. ****** The eldest woke up around 1:00 p.m. She told me that she heard the garage door open and slam around 4:03 a.m..  It scared her so much that she barricaded hersel...

Today I am thankful for realizing why I am tired and uninspired all the time.  Well..... over the past four or five years, I've been trying to do the regular 9-5 thing. I've never been good about holding down a 9-5. In this economy, I usually work ten hour days. The work I do is in call centers.  If I'm not on the floor taking calls, I'm training the agents. If I had a dollar for every customer who tells me that I "have a beautiful voice"...... "excellent articulation"...... and that I "should make meditation recordings"...... I'd have a hefty pay raise. I actually had a former vocal teacher call in and ask if I were a professional recording artist. Apparently, I use the microphone in a way where one doesn't hear the pops when one says words that start with "p" or "t". I lied and said that I wasn't. ***** I'm working as a temp for my favorite company. They have a ra...