Shadow Sides

Today I am thankful for my shadow side.


Our shadow side is what leaks out in times of stress.

It can be helpful in that it unmasks what is typically hidden.  

It is the part of us few people see. It is the primitive part of us.  It is the part that acts without thinking.  It is negative.  It is our dark side.

My shadow side is a force to be reckoned with.

It's the part of me that fights tax hikes.

It's the part of me that rats out bad governmental programs.

It's the part of me that wants to curse jerks with black candles.

I fight myself pretty hard when it comes to cursing people.

I caught myself over the weekend thinking about various people who espouse the victim mentality.

I have a neighbor who abuses her dog (she's the one married to the idiot who pulls his gun on people who park in front of my house).

Another neighbor complained about the crying for hours every day (sometimes in the middle of the night).  I know who complained.  She's the lady that runs outside in the middle of the night with a flashlight to try to comfort the crying dog.

I'm not going to rat her out.

The dog abusing neighbor ran around the neighborhood telling people it was me.

I'm known as a libertarian.  I don't call the authorities on people unless someone is in danger of losing life or limb.

The last time I called them, I found a young man in the middle of the street bloodied from a pit bull attack.  The dog owner is furious that I called. 

That kid was in pain.  I had to call an ambulance.

I never thought I'd ever call them again after they ignored the stalking (which caused some people other than me to be fearful -but- no one takes stalking seriously so I stopped calling).

The woman who runs the Animal Control department has met me.

I'm not very well liked because I want to shut them down.

They kill too many pit bulls.  This woman is better than her predecessor.  Since her tenure, there is little blood on the walls from when the dogs wag their tails and hit the bricks.  This is because she has their tails wrapped in bandages.

She also contracts with other shelters to avoid killing animals.

She's an improvement -but- she can't tell a wolf from a German Shepherd.  Yeah, she threatened to kill a German Shepherd because she mistook it for a wolf.

As a child, I had an illegal wolf dog.  His name was Larry.

I tried to send these people pictures so they could see what a wolf mix looked like.

It didn't make a difference.

An uneducated animal control department is a problem for any city.

I had neighbors confront me.  My neighbor started an internet harassment campaign which ended with me promising her that I'd start calling the authorities when her dog cries for hours on end.

I don't know what my neighbor thought she'd accomplish by harassing me.  Shaming someone like me tends to backfire big time.  Several of her buddies play loud rock music at 4:00 a.m.  I've never said a word.  Maybe I should start?

My motto is Live and Let Live - unless someone or something is in danger.

The dog is crying now.  It's outside.  It's windy and it's cold.

These people are asshats.

I hate it when the dog cries.

It's soooo sad.

My neighbor ran around telling everyone that her dog cannot bark so it cries.

I hear it bark all the time, too.  She has two dogs.  They both have distinctive doggie voices.

Now, she's trying to vilify me because she claimed to have bought a shock collar so she won't be fined by the city.

She could train the dog. 

She could buy the dog toys.

But she'd rather play the role of a victim.

She's hurting her dog because of me.

Isn't that sad? Sigh......

The dog is still barking and crying so if she bought a collar, it must be defective.  That's probably a good thing.  

I can't stand people who play victim.

I did call animal control to get advice.  They told me not to invest in devices to soothe the dogs next door.

They're right.  It is the neighbor's responsibility to train her dog and keep him inside when it is cold outside.

******

My stalker-ex is playing the role of a victim.

He claims to be depressed.

He claims to be homeless.

He claims to be so impoverished that the State of Colorado is actually paying for his food, shelter, clothing and gutting his child support.

The children or I will never see a dime.

As hard as it is on us....

as hard as it is to know I cannot send my kiddos to driving school,

pay for braces

or send them on field trips.....

it's not as hard as pretending to be a victim, is it?

He must have it rough.

When you tell a lie long enough, you begin to act as if it were true.

If he's impoverishing himself with the goal of not supporting his kids, it is going to hurt him the most in the long run.

I feel fairly sad for him.

He's destroying his self-esteem acting like that!

The State of Colorado is enabling him.

If I let these lawyers win, I can help end their department. 

Once the court case is over, I can start talking about the crap they file in legal briefs.

******

“Liberty means refusing to allow some men to use the state to compel other men to serve their interests or opinion.” 

― Auberon Herbert

I'm not the only one wronged by CO-PEP.  I met a woman online who claimed her ex was absolved of child support when he presented a handwritten note from a doctor saying that he couldn't work.  No one checked to see if the doctor was real.  There was no diagnosis given.  It was just a generic note.  She was told she couldn't collect child support until her ex supplied a note stating that he could work again.  He'll never do that.  He got what he wanted!

Our tax dollars at work, eh?

I've read stories of parents in other states who are being told that they cannot collect past due support once the children reach the age of majority.  By the time my ex gets out of the rehab they put him in, it'll be too late.

It's almost like they're running out the clock.  That wasn't our private agreement.  It's sad they can change it.

Taxpayers are darn lucky that I don't want TANF or food stamps, aren't they?  I qualify.  I just don't ask.

I feel played.

I feel like the government betrayed me again and let my abusers win.....again.

That didn't work out so well for that Florida foster mom who farmed my sister out for sex work when she was fourteen.  I squawked so hard, the Lt. Governor flew to Florida to pick up my sister.  There have been times where I had to go to the press.  I have a talent for finding people who can get attention.

I was eighteen when I fought my first fight.  .

I've been fighting government idiots since I was a kid.

Honestly, I don't think my ideology has changed at all.

It's about freedom.


*******

Yeah, we are magical beings.  We are what our subconscious minds think ourselves to be.  If we are winners, we win.  If we play the role of a loser.....guess what happens?   It's stupid to play the role of a victim because, by doing that, you're driving yourself to loser-ville.  


"An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will."

-Wiccan Rede

I am Pagan.

I'm told that I'm a hippy witch. 

Maybe.....it seems like I do cast what could be termed as white magick spells.

Here is a sampling of my spells.

I light a white candle and say....

please bless my Facebook friends who are in the hospital.

Please bless the mayor with wisdom.

Please replace my ditzy state representative (or give him a mind of his own).

Please....please....pretty please....if you do this I'll bargain with you and go to church.....please....grant our Commander in Chief the gift of discernment.  

Please help.....

Please bless....

Please teach....

Please protect....

Please find....

That is how my prayers typically start.

During the waxing moon I pray.

During the waning moon I stay silent.  Waning moons are times of decrease. It is a time to have things taken away.

This time.....

this time....

I caught myself picking up a black candle at the metaphysical shop and thinking to myself....

If so and so wants to be a victim, why not make it real?

Um.....

That's my shadow side coming out.

If it helps, I put the black candle down and picked up a white one.  There is nothing to stop me from dipping it in black melted crayon.  I've done that before.  I wanted to end the stalking and my ex-husband's sister died (she followed me around prior to her death).  It may have been a coincidence.  I don't know.  I do know that her death, unfortunately, did not end the stalking.

There are days when I don't want to turn the other cheek anymore.

I'm getting to that point of putting on my war paint.

I'm going to see if working out will help me keep the angries away.

I am so tired of asshats victimizing others and then pretending to be the victim.

It's disgusting.

I wonder......what harm can it do to teach someone what it is really like to lose control of his or her life circumstances due to decisions that are outside of his or her control?

That's what these people are doing to others.

The dog next door cannot control whether or not his owner will let him into the house between 10:00 p.m. and 6:00 a.m.

The b!tch with the shock collar has all the power there.

I cannot control whether or not my ex will look for a job or help with the kids.

He has all the power there.

I have none.

Actually....he may have given all of his power to the state.  As a former foster child, I can tell you that is a very big mistake.

The government makes a horrible nanny.

The government is all about control.  Once it gets it's mitts on you, it makes it hard to escape it's mighty grip.

He's doing a very foolish thing.

All those years, he masqueraded as a Libertarian.

I'm embarrassed.

I think that county officials are trying to push me and the kids on welfare.

That's not going to happen.

I've got scruples.

******
Our shadow sides can teach us a lot about who we are.

Sometimes it takes a heck of a lot of self control to avoid giving into the temptation to act out of frustration.

Right now, I'm trying to find a middle ground.

I am realizing that I may not have to do anything to gut CO-PEP.  I get the sense that the Republicans are going to do it all on their own without any help from anyone else.

I won't stop them.

I may give them ammo.

I am NOT going to stop them.

I think many Department of Human Services programs are on the chopping block.

I'll just wait it out and see.  If there are calls for testimony, I'll throw my name in the list of people wanting to speak about the issue.

Love ya lots,

S.