Today I am thankful that I realized how manipulative narcissists and other disordered people get their way.
We let them.
We give them the benefit of the doubt.
We don't trust our instincts. When things feel off, we say that there is something wrong with us to cause us to feel that way. We may blame anxiety. We may blame paranoia. We may blame past relationships. We rarely name the real problem because we don't want to believe it.
We make excuses for their bad behavior. He was tired. He was drinking. He didn't mean to push us into the street. He was angry. He didn't mean to punch me. He lost track of the money and spent a week's salary on McDonald's hamburgers. He wasn't kissing her....he just was giving her CPR...on the train...standing up....while forgetting to do the chest compressions.
People don't want to blame others. We want to see the good in people.
We give them the benefit of the doubt.
That's why disordered people walk all over us.
I'm going to have to stop doing that.
*****
Today, I let my ex and the State of Colorado give my ex up to a 27 month reprieve from child support. I have to wait for the judge to sign off on it. I'm shocked that this is allowable.
It must be.
This means, the kids will never see a dime. In 27 months, two of the three of them will in college. The youngest will be in high school. My ex claims to be forbidden from working while in rehab. He claims he cannot have contact with people during his stint in Rehab.
For someone in rehab, he sure posts a lot to Facebook (according to the kids) and sends me too many emails. I wonder if he's the guy hacking all of my accounts (this person is hacking accounts few people know about).
It must not be a real therapeutic facility!
My ex will probably go into hiding and get another accounting job. Twenty-seven months from now, he'll probably be in Oregon and untouchable.
It's up to me to do everything. I'm lucky I found three part-time jobs. Now, I have to figure out the logistics of sleeping, eating and working all the time.
*****
Voluntary rehab is a child support loophole. My specialty is health psychology. That's what I studied....I studied the effects of stress on the body. I studied the use of various techniques to control bodily functions. I studied addiction counseling.
This is why, for a time, I had a busy hypnosis practice teaching people mindfulness meditation and conducting Stop Smoking and Weight Loss sessions.
I had to stop when my ex's family started stalking me at work and harassing my clients.
******
My ex claims to never have touched a drop of alcohol.
I DO question why a man who isn't drinking is in a 27 month alcoholic rehab program for depression.
I only have a MA in psychology. I DO know that rehab is not an appropriate treatment modality for depression. Rehab is great for alcoholism and drug use -but- there must be some accompanying psychotherapy (and maybe even prescription drugs) for the depression.
Rehab is not the answer.
I have never heard of an alcohol rehab center taking more than a month!
I will contact the Colorado Department of Regulatory Agency to see if I can file a complaint against the rehabilitation center for improper treatment. I doubt it. I'm fairly certain that religious organizations are exempt from the scope of practice limitations the rest of us face.
I'll try.
The other issue is whether or not a voluntary stint at rehab should negate child support.
It shouldn't.
I don't know why the State of Colorado thinks it should.
I gave my ex this gift. He'd best make the most of it.
Now, my thoughts turn to scheming about how to take out the department that enables and coddles deadbeat parents.
I guess I'll try to find the Rehab center's annual reports. Then I'll reach out to some of my activist buddies for help with a CORA request.
I want to know if the rehab center is getting a kick back from the State of Colorado.
It sucks.....but Colorado allows departments to charge a heck of a lot of money for information. The sick part of it is that even when you pay a lot of money, much of what you need is redacted.
Maybe I should just go to the press?
I hesitate to do that because it'll embarrass my ex. I want to keep taxpayers from paying for the government to free non-custodial parents from child support and force custodial parents onto welfare.
They're lucky they picked on a libertarian.
Maybe they're not so lucky.....this libertarian isn't happy about hard working parents being pushed onto food stamps, TANF and Medicaid because another parent is given lawyers to help him or her skirt their duties. I'm especially peeved that taxpayers are paying for the deadbeats' lawyers!!!
I wonder how many custodial fathers get messed up by CO-PEP? I wonder what the Father's Rights Activists have to say about that? We all know that many non-custodial parents don't pay child support.
I'd bet that CO-PEP has a hand in that!
CO-PEP stands for Colorado Parent Employment Project. They only help non-custodial parents with huge arrearages. They don't help people who are struggling to pay their child support. They don't help custodial parents who don't have jobs.
They only reward deadbeats by lowering their child support. I am realizing that is how they meet their collection quota. If they drop child support and accrued arrearages, then it looks like a higher percentage of support owed is being paid (even though less money is collect).
They meet their quotas in a despicable fashion in order to justify their existence!
Their annual budget is 2.3 million smackers!!! How much do other human service departments pay due to their wrongful focus.
I want them shut down. I'm learning that I'm not alone.
It sounds like a challenge, huh?
*****
It's not the real challenge.
The real challenge is my shadow side.
She's the part of me that gets all snarky. She's the part of me that fantasizes about beating up people who smack around kids. The part of me that learned to shoot to scare of my ex's stalking sister.
She's the part of me that isn't afraid to fight. She comes in handy from time to time.
She has recently dreamt of teaching people who feign victimhood a karmic lesson.
There is this reoccurring question in my head:
"If he wants to be a victim, why not make it so?"
I'm trying very hard to refrain from casting it an 'It sucks to be an asshole curse.'
The last time I cast a Jezebel Curse, it was against a different government entity. The curse would be broken if they stopped victimizing their employees and lying to the citizens. As far as I know, the curse still stands.
Maybe I should cast another Jezebel Curse.
If I can get past Saturday without lighting a candle, we'll be good.
I can pray for the poor on Sunday.
I'm a little peeved.
My ex lied to me.
CO-PEP withheld information and cost me $3,670 in legal fees to conduct the discovery to fill in the gaps. They wouldn't talk to me unless I hired a lawyer. It's unfair the deadbeat gets three lawyers but the struggling single mom doesn't.
I don't like being played like a fiddle.
If you see me in public and I smell like burned pepper......RUN!
NEXT DAY EDIT:
The judge signed off on the amended child support order.
I'm shocked that more deadbeat parents aren't running off and claiming to be in rehab! Think of the savings!
Think of the expense this creates for taxpayers, too.
I'll work on finding a way to share the court filings with lawmakers. I wouldn't have believed this if I hadn't read it all for myself.
The government should never enable deadbeats.
Love ya,
S.