Warped Gratitude Blog

  Today I am thankful that we are able to record our artists and preserve their memories.     We've lost so many great artists this year; Bowie, Jimmy Bain, Natalie Cole, Otis Clay, Glen Frey, Paul Kantor, Vanity, Maurice White, Joey Feek, Merle Haggard (my mother told me he was my dad...thank goodness I look like the guy she married...she scared me when she said that) and now we've lost Prince.   My lesson from Prince has been to be true to your muse.    Be yourself and no one can copy you.   Even if you try to copy someone else, like Prince channels Hendrix in this video, you will be distinctively YOU.   I've always admired him for that.   I've always faltered when it comes to being me.  I try to be responsible and give people what they want or do what needs to be done -even if it isn't what I'd rather be doing.  This thought spoke to me a bit today, I am continuing to be resp...

Today I am thankful for YouTube.     This video is a Godsend. I'm realizing why I wasn't really hassled when I had a CDMA phone.  It was when I switched to GSM that Mike's family started really hassling me in public.   I guess I'm going to start looking at Sprint and Verizon for cell service now.   I also learned that the only person who can put spyware on a phone is someone with physical access to my phone and eight minutes or so to spare.   There is only one person who has that kind of access to my phone.   My phone still runs through the battery whether or not I use it.  I barely get ten hours on a full charge.  I have a new LG with 32gb of memory.  I guess my huge memory bank is causing trouble for me.   The phone still runs hot, even if I don't use it.  I have a temperature app.  It gets over 100 degrees on a daily basis, even if I don't use the phone except to che...

Well....not sure what I'm thankful for. Let me see.... I'm thankful for a locksmith who shares my name. I'm thankful for hidden cameras. I'm thankful for a kind used car salesman. A friend's father sells for a Dodge dealership - he's trying to get me financing on a Nissan or a Toyota.  It's a wild and weird world, isn't it? I guess counting one's blessings helps... ****** I'm going to take a photo of the puddle on my garage step.  In the last entry I wrote about "hearing" footsteps and going out into the garage to find a single wet foot shaped puddle of anti-freeze on the step leading into the house from the garage. The puddle is still there. It's no longer green; it's clear and it's oily.   Upon inspection, it looks like someone took a piece of folded metal, guided it to the door in such a way that water coming through the door would melt, flow down the crease of the metal and land on the step in a puddle....

   Today I am thankful that I have a shrink: There are times when I think that I'm either crazy or someone is playing games trying to make me think I'm crazy. I'll try to explain. I had the house to myself yesterday morning. I took a nice long bath with lavender oil and sea salt. As I sat soaking in the tub, I heard footsteps downstairs. I locked the door.  I glanced around looking for anything that could be a potential weapon. I was in the bathroom.  I had hairspray (that would startle someone). I had spray toiled bowl cleaner (that would blind someone). I had hair cutting scissors (I could poke someone's eyes out - last resort). I had a plan just in case the footsteps came closer. Here is the deal... I did NOT hear a door open or close. After about fifteen minutes of silence, I dressed and went downstairs.  The back door was locked and had a bar wedged up against the handle. The front door was locked.  One of the dead...

Today I am thankful that I have a hidden computer. I hide the computer. I hide the power cord elsewhere. I bought it a little over a month ago. The moment I brought it home, my ex-husband's computer attached itself to mine. I haven't used it since. Until today..... I have to change ALL of my paswords. Around 5:30 this evening, as I watched a video about bump proofing locks, I noticed that someone was typing on my computer. I wasn't typing anything. I noticed my KeyScrambler was encrypting words. Someone was typing for me. My KeyScrambler software turned itself off.  I immediately disconnected the computer from the internet.  I'm going to back up all of my art files and get rid of the computer. I'm incredibly angry. I'm blood ritual angry. I write those witchy things for the superstitious former fiancé of Michael's sister, the man who likes to grab me on the street and call me Satan. If he's really a good stalker, h...

Today I am thankful that I may have closure. Maybe.... My ex-husband said he would be out of the house on May 1st. I feel guilty because I was pushy about it. He still swears up and down that he's not stalking me, messing with my computers and putting his family up to harassing me. He says his family is doing it all on their own. He insists that they are breaking into the house. He says that he doesn't know how they are getting their information. He thinks they are doing it electronically. Maybe.... It doesn't make sense. My ex-husband claims he has nowhere to go.  If he's telling the truth and his family is stalking me on their own, they're doing it because they want him to be closer to them.  I'm sure they'll welcome him back. I do feel bad.  What if he's telling the truth? His story doesn't make sense. **** I'm in the process of switching the utilities and getting a court order. The reason he has to move by May ...

Today I am thankful for self-reflection.   Last week, I asked him when he will move out.  He was supposed to move out in mid-October, 2013. He never did.  When he was making a lot of money, he refused to move out.  It was when I started to call divorce lawyers to force him out that he lost his job.  I had a woman call me pretending to be with a law office.  I told her everything. Michael "lost" his job the next day. The real representative from the law office called me a week later to apologize for not reaching out to me.  I learned that they had never called and that the number that called me was spoofed. Now, I'm supposed to let him stay here until he finds a job.  He's been unemployed for nearly eight months. The last time I asked him when he would move out. He said Friday. Friday, April 8, 2016. He said he had a job interview.  If I'd just let him stay through the job interview, then he could leave. I received a ...

Today I am thankful for Hollywood insight. I arrived home from my hypnosis job around 10:00 last night.  I sat down and watched this movie.... Twice!!! I went to sleep around 3:00 a.m. Somewhere in the middle of this movie, one of Michael's old buddies was writing him asking him for our daughters' social media screen names.  Oh no.... My daughter refused. I explained to Michael why we need to honor our child's wishes. They don't know this man.  My history with this man has been less than positive.  I think this guy is a good man (deep down).  I think his wife is a sweetheart.  They're just gullible....and outspoken. Those kind of people make the worst flying monkeys. They were the excuse Michael used to steal my money back in 1994. They inadvertently emotionally abused me. Never trust a narcissist with your money.  Michael had access to about $4,500 of mine.  We were not married.  He needed a plane ticket to this...

Today I am thankful that I realize why I left Christianity. I was devout.  Even when I had no church, ten percent of my income went to buying food for the homeless people I met.  I'd quite literally share my bread and juice (didn't drink wine either due to the Mormon faith I grew up in). I submitted to the men in my life. I've only dated one man who beat the sh!t out of me.  He used Christian headship as an excuse.  God gave man "dominion" over women.  Women need to submit to men.  His buddies thought I wore the pants, so he had to beat the insubordination out of me. Later on, I learned that he'd beat me to go hang out with his lover.  I divorced him to spare him a trial for attempted murder.  I evaded the process server.  He married his mistress and she would call me to ask how to get him to stop hitting her.  I hear now he's cheating on her. I fear for her life.  Want to know something?  He doesn't go to chu...

Today I am thankful for those moments when the dots start connecting themselves. I came home from work around 1:00 a.m.  I couldn't fall asleep until 3:00.  At 6:30, I awoke to the slamming of doors. I couldn't go back to sleep. I avoid the living area until the kids go to school.  That way I don't end up arguing with Michael in front them. Around 7:30, the youngest child left and I went downstairs to do the laundry. I started a new load of laundry. I cleaned the refrigerator. I took out the trash. I went back downstairs. I had assumed that Michael did not come home from taking the youngest to school. Imagine my shock when I saw him lying on the basement floor....not moving. I thought he had died. I let out a horrific scream. He moved. He was alive. He claimed he was cleaning up the receipts that he throws all over the floor. Then it hit me.... he leaves his tax papers all over the house.  You can see his paycheck stubs (when he wa...

Today I am thankful that I'm still breathing.  I'm still not sure what to do. I am freaking out about the hacking.  I'm not sleeping. I am terrified that the closer I get to Mike's move out date, the more danger the children and I will be in. We've had a rash of suicide-murders from messed up fathers in our city in the past few months. I don't want the kids to become a statistic. It seems that the closer I get to following the divorce agreement set in '13, the more the stalking takes hold. I'm really tired of receiving messages like:   and   I get these messages quite often.  I seem to get more of them after my computer was tampered with.  I've been signed out of most of my social media accounts.  I'm terrified to sign back into them, even on my new computer. I can't use my computers in this house. I'm told I need to disable my wifi in order to secure the environment. It dawned on me why this was hap...