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6:1 = Hell:Heaven Day Ratio

Today I am thankful for my one day away from Hell.


I am feeling an intense amount of pressure to stay locked in my house with my ex-husband.


Long story....I'll expound later. 


I mentioned hesitating while applying for a job being a Health/Weight Loss Coach. This hesitation was due to my ex-husband's theory that his sister was jealous that I was well known in the area for my weight loss services.  She had a weight loss blog with less than one hundred followers. I had 15,700 followers.

My ex-husband is claiming that I am being stalked due to my work as a health psychotherapist.  I don't think this is the reason she stalks me.  I think I found out why she stalked me last night. 

My ex-husband started to yell when I mentioned that I would always fear him and his family.  I literally fear doing anything so long as he resides in this house.


His yelling scared me enough to announce that I was leaving. I got up to start packing so I could leave for the night. 


He started to bellow and what he said gave me his motive. 

"I want to stay with you!"


This was midnight. 


I went to bed. 

I couldn't sleep.

I contemplated suicide.  I haven't done anything but I can see how this is playing out.  I don't want to die -but- I do not see a way out of this mess short of moving into another state and away from this family of narcissists.


I will have to leave Steve to keep the peace.  Mike is my stalker.  Shannon is doing it to scare me into staying with him.  Mike is hoarding the money and not complying with the divorce agreement to minimize the resources that I need to leave. This is how he can stay with me. 



The latest mess was because I publicly announced my relationship with Steve.  It was met with people telling me it was about time I admitted it. 


I don't have the money for a lawyer to force my ex into complying with the divorce order.  Even if I had a lawyer, a large chunk of the money he was supposed to give me is gone.  I doubt a judge would order him to pay it back.


*****




Steve gives me my one happy day.  That is Friday. 


I am happy six out of seven days.  I fear leaving the house on my happy day.  I fear that all hell will break out.  I fear that my ex-husband will find some nasty way to retaliate and hurt the kids or me somehow. 


My ex-husband does crazy shit those days.  He  retaliates by hiding money, not honoring agreements, and making messes. 


I need to be alone until this guy is out of my life. 

It is the only way to keep the crazies at bay. 


Love ya,


S.

P.S.  Ha.....as I edited this post, a message came on the screen claiming that I had just logged in from another location.  I wonder....can I track the party that just signed in? 

Hi Shannon!!!

The password was complicated.  How in the world did anyone figure it out?  It was a series of 24 letters, numbers and symbols.



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