Skip to main content

6:1 = Hell:Heaven Day Ratio

Today I am thankful for my one day away from Hell.


I am feeling an intense amount of pressure to stay locked in my house with my ex-husband.


Long story....I'll expound later. 


I mentioned hesitating while applying for a job being a Health/Weight Loss Coach. This hesitation was due to my ex-husband's theory that his sister was jealous that I was well known in the area for my weight loss services.  She had a weight loss blog with less than one hundred followers. I had 15,700 followers.

My ex-husband is claiming that I am being stalked due to my work as a health psychotherapist.  I don't think this is the reason she stalks me.  I think I found out why she stalked me last night. 

My ex-husband started to yell when I mentioned that I would always fear him and his family.  I literally fear doing anything so long as he resides in this house.


His yelling scared me enough to announce that I was leaving. I got up to start packing so I could leave for the night. 


He started to bellow and what he said gave me his motive. 

"I want to stay with you!"


This was midnight. 


I went to bed. 

I couldn't sleep.

I contemplated suicide.  I haven't done anything but I can see how this is playing out.  I don't want to die -but- I do not see a way out of this mess short of moving into another state and away from this family of narcissists.


I will have to leave Steve to keep the peace.  Mike is my stalker.  Shannon is doing it to scare me into staying with him.  Mike is hoarding the money and not complying with the divorce agreement to minimize the resources that I need to leave. This is how he can stay with me. 



The latest mess was because I publicly announced my relationship with Steve.  It was met with people telling me it was about time I admitted it. 


I don't have the money for a lawyer to force my ex into complying with the divorce order.  Even if I had a lawyer, a large chunk of the money he was supposed to give me is gone.  I doubt a judge would order him to pay it back.


*****




Steve gives me my one happy day.  That is Friday. 


I am happy six out of seven days.  I fear leaving the house on my happy day.  I fear that all hell will break out.  I fear that my ex-husband will find some nasty way to retaliate and hurt the kids or me somehow. 


My ex-husband does crazy shit those days.  He  retaliates by hiding money, not honoring agreements, and making messes. 


I need to be alone until this guy is out of my life. 

It is the only way to keep the crazies at bay. 


Love ya,


S.

P.S.  Ha.....as I edited this post, a message came on the screen claiming that I had just logged in from another location.  I wonder....can I track the party that just signed in? 

Hi Shannon!!!

The password was complicated.  How in the world did anyone figure it out?  It was a series of 24 letters, numbers and symbols.



Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004.  We ran into her at a Wal-mart in 2005 and my keys went mi
Read more

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe.   It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house.  I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling.  I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here.  It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve.  ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb.  The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear.  Fear that he won't honor his financial
Read more

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much.  People change over the course of their lives.  Healthy people grow.  Unhealthy people either stay static or regress.  So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies.  If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors.   I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories.  From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory.  A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory.  When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP.  My ex is a ESTP and when he is stressed out
Read more