Warped Gratitude Blog

  Today I am thankful for fictional dreams.  At least I hope they're fictional.  I'm an INFJ.  As an INFJ, I have the weirdest habit of dreaming of lovers before I meet them.  It's always been this way.   I got my first marriage proposal at fourteen from a friend of mine who was five years older than I. My parents had just died and he knew I was going to move away.  He didn't want to lose me.  I turned him down.  He got so upset, he ran off to the military.  We were both hyper-religious.  There was no funky business.  I never touched him because I never dreamt of him.   I dreamt of someone else who I met a couple of years later.  Now, if I know who I'm going to....well...you know,  I don't really hold back.  Kinda makes me wonder if the few guys in my past thought I was a slut.  If I don't dream of you in advance, I won't touch you.  Weird, eh?  This is probably why I've been celibat...

  Today I am thankful that I've gotten some sleep.   I'm just not happy about the content of my dreams.   Perhaps my subconscious mind is insane.  Or it could be perverted.  It's probably just telling me to find a boyfriend.  So -  The witches of old believed that if you put five bay leaves under your pillow you'll dream of your next lover.  Well I heard this from an elderly relative, back then, it was more you'll dream of your future spouse.   Either way - you'd dream of a future intimate.  I'm asexual.  So, I put five bay leaves under my pillow and emerged the next morning smelling like stew and excited that I had absolutely NO DREAMS!  I was very happy!  That means I'll be FREE for the rest of my life!  I did this every night until I ran out of bay leaves.  I bought a bay laurel tree the other day (found one at a local nursery).  They smell very good.  The tree sits on my nightsta...

  Today I am thankful for the kindness of average people.  Yeah -  On my way to work today, someone lost a wheel (not a tire) but the metal wheel.   It wound up in front of my car.  I had to choice but to hit it (or else I would have hit two elderly women in a small silver car).  My front driver side tire blew and I managed to move to a small median between two on-ramps of the highway.  It was approximately 1530.  It took a few minutes to call my boss.  She covered my shift. It was sad because I looked forward to teaching a class.  A colleague's birthday present was in my car and I so looked forward to seeing her glow when she got it.  Bummer -  Truth be told, I have been a nervous wreck since I stopped sleeping last summer.  Now, with all the death in my life and invented crises of a narcissistic ex, I feel like I am losing my mind.  Meditation helps somewhat.   I know I'm a wreck when I lose everythin...

Today I am thankful for more insight from a nurse.  She spoke about ministry and how she helped people find their faith in desperate times of distress.  I thought about her story as I fell asleep.  This morning there was another ice dream.  Sort of -  I was in the same place.  There was writing.  There was no ice,  only writing in the sky.  The writing was so quick and fast paced that the letters seemed to pile up on each other.  I could make out the words   "call ?"  "visit ?"  "noon"  "tomorrow"  I awaken wondering what I forgot to put on my calendar and where I'm supposed to be.  I'll figure it out tomorrow afternoon. This ought to be interesting.  The nurse helped me to feel better about my guilt of buying stuff for the homeless, donations for the facility in which I work and the sneaky gifts that show up for my coworkers on their birthdays from the staff (which I hope she doesn't know I have a...

 Today I am thankful for my dearly departed colleague, Richard.  I think he cured me yet again but wish he didn't have to die to do it.  Richard probably saved my life twice in the two years we knew each other.  I'm highly allergic to a lot of things.   One time, I had to clean out a dirty vehicle with a filthy dog and a ton of used hypodermic needles.  Richard noticed that I started to swell so he gave me Benadryl.  Yeah, I'm allergic to dogs and dust.  There was this time I bought a smoothie that had banana in it.  Yep, I'm highly allergic to bananas.  Being the great nurse he was, he gave me two pink pills that kept me breathing.  For several months, I had dreams of a tall man burned to death in the mountains.  When I learned an old friend lived up there, who just happened to be tall and have the same color of eyes, I freaked out to the point of reaching out to see if he were okay.  He's okay.  About two month...

 Today I am thankful that I'm a bitch.  First, CO-PEP is up to their tricks again playing around with the law and ignoring my lawyer in an effort to try to get rid of my ex's child support arrearages.  That ship sailed when he refused to leave my home necessitating me to spend $30,000 in legal fees.  I gotta pay that money back with interest.  I had hoped they'd play nice and be honest.  It looks like we are back to game playing.   There are soon going to be very expensive health insurance premiums that will need to be accounted for.  If they're nice, I could let it slide. I'm busy with work and school.  I'm busy enough to let it slide.  I've let a lot of medical costs slide.  I've let the fact that he continues to violate the divorce agreement slide.  Why would they want to piss me off?  It's not going to help their deadbeat daddy client.  As an aside, he refused to tell me his address because he claimed I had t...

  I'm thankful that today was a day.  It wasn't bad.  It wasn't great.  It was sad.  I had to drive the Hypnomobile up to the mountains.  She made it.  My family wanted to remember my uncle near a place he liked to fish.   My sister was supposed to drive my aunt to the venue.  She didn't do it.  My aunt calls me when I'm two hours outside of Denver to ask if I could get her.  I could but we'd both be late.  Well, she decided to drive.  She left 2 hours after I did and got there on time.  She said that, at times, she had to drive at 100mph.  It's hard to imagine my elderly aunt driving that fast.  She taught me how to drive.  I drive like a little old lady!  That was surprising.  ******  Now, when my uncle's wife was alive, I was persona non-grata.  It's a role a play very well - I used to do it all the time in this gosh-forsaken city.  When they ignored me, it was just a si...