Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful for natural selection.   Yeah.... I'm disappointed.  You can be hotter than the sun, you can make me feel all sorts of heat but if you're not very smart, I can't touch you.  I just can't..... risk.. it... If I have an accident, I don't want to raise a kid that learns to walk into walls or play in traffic or votes Democrat or something.  I'm sad. I don't want to write too much about it.  One of the pre-requisites I have for mating is that my partner have the ability to think his way out of a box. I'm hoping he's just having a bad day.... scratch that... a bad week... or two. Sniff.... I guess I can tell you how to tell the wanna be's from the real performers.  The people who do what they say they do.... they have stories.  The wanna be's and the fakers... don't.  Sigh...... I hurt.  I realized today that I'd rather be married to a 500 pound st...

Today I am thankful for sleeping pills.  I know it sounds stupid -but- I'm a little ticked off. I'm in love with a guy named Steve who has more ethics in his little finger than I have anywhere. I'm trying to divorce a stranger named Mike. I'm dreaming of an ex named Thomas. They are not sex dreams, they are dreams that make me worry about him. I'm dreaming of some kind of diary or correspondence he's writing. I hate the Thomas getting hurt dreams the most. So, this time, I'm going to medicate them away. If Ol' Tom still remembers my nickname and stumbles on this stupid thing. Remember to pull the rip cord. Remember your inhaler. Remember to breathe. Remember to get snow tires on your car. Remember to stay away from the crazy ladies (like me).   I think that ought to cover it! You're supposed to live a long, long time.  You used to tell me that you saw us as old people.  Okay...I'm holding you to that. Love ya....

Today I am thankful for all the laughs I get from my dorky statist friends.  They tell me that in a perfect Libertarian world....we would live like Mad Max. I kid you not!!!  Isn't that flippin' funny?  I mean...I see a world where people could grow food in their front yard and not be arrested.  They see mass starvation.  I see a world where a woman escaping an abusive relationship could change her name, move without getting permission of her ex, live in secrecy, and babysit children without having to save up money for government mandated classes and fees.  They see poverty.  How do I get it through to them?  You can either get in the way.... or empower.  They see Thunderdome.  I see Freewill.  Oh...man... I don't know what to say.  So, when they pick on me for having a Libertarian love interest....what do I say? Yeah, yeah...this is me... And, I'm going to take my ideas from anothe...

Today I am thankful for experts.  I'm officially angry.  I've been talking to experts. I guess it is not uncommon for people who leave stalkerish men to return because of the stalking.  The only way to stop that is to get a restraining order.  Even the government has done research on stalking by former intimates.  This is really what we are.  If I haven't been banged in six years, I guess that makes Mike a former intimate.  Fifty percent of all stalking cases are former intimates.  So.... I guess that is what I need to do; get a restraining order/no contact order  against Mike and his sister.  I also need to change my name .  Damn....I did this once before when Mike convinced me that another ex was the one that cut my transmission hose.  You know, my transmission line has been cut a couple of times since.  Hmmmmm..... I have the most disgusting name on the planet but I'm used to it...

Today, I am thankful that I live in a haunted house.   I have EVP recording software.  Today, I have a recording from a spirit named Joe who was born in 1939.  Mike's uncle died in 2002.  His name was Joseph Jerome.  He was born in 1939.  He knew Mike and his mother were abusing me.  His last words to me were "I love you." Everyone called him Jerry.  Jerry was a blind child.  His parents abused him horribly but I adored this man.  Do you know why?  He was one hell of a mechanic.  He made money on the side and didn't let his disability get him down.  He adopted two boys with special needs.  They were not defined by their disabilities.  When they told me that I had fibromyalgia, Jerry told me that it didn't define me.  I stumbled on his grave site a few years ago.  A crazy thing happened that day.  I heard his voice tell me that he was with his sister at the hospital....

Today I am thankful for eureka moments. I have a friend trying to teach me non-violent communication.  I worship Ares.  It's not going very well.  I'm working on it.  Another friend, with the same name, uses it in his legal practice.  He's offering to solve my problem for me by sitting down with my stalkers to find out what need they have isn't being met. I don't care anymore.  I'm terrified.  I spent several hours on the phone with cops and victim advocates yesterday.    The first person told me to go out of town.  The second advocate told me to go to a shelter but when I told her this had been going on for a 21 years she had me call an expert.  The expert told me to stay here.  If I have found gps boxes on my vehicle in the past, there is a chance a new one is there.  Going out of town would put me and others in more danger as they would find me in an area I didn't know well. She also ...

  Today I am thankful for Facebook. Someone told me that Ms. Creepy stalker (aka Shannon D.) facebooked and tweeted that she is working out every evening at a fitness center in the shopping center where I buy groceries every evening.  The grocery store is a mile south of my home.   What's weird about that? Well... She lives in a town called Thornton which is 45 minutes north of my home.  She works in a town called Broomfield which is over an hour away, it is north-west of my home. She volunteers and attends a church in Golden which is nearly an hour away, again in a mountain town an hour north-west of my home.  I can't fathom why she is here every day.  These fitness centers are all over the metro area. They're like McDonalds. I don't understand why she had to choose that particular one to visit. Her relatives are telling me that the truck that sat in my driveway belongs to her boyfriend Doug.  I'm bein...