Whoa - My Love Life As An Album

Today I am thankful that I can find musical language to describe my love history.

So...I have a habit of buying CDs off of the dollar rack at a local consignment store. I went looking for a Woodstock era CD for an aging guitarist with Alzheimer's as I was hoping the music could bring him moments of lucidity.

I didn't find Hendrix.

Instead I found the Robert Smith experience.

So I listened....

I was never a big Cure fan. Many of my old guy friends are.

Me....not so much.

I listened anyway.

Yeah....been there...done that.

No shame.

Yeah....I have nightmares then I miss someone.

I pray no one misses me.

Yeah, a couple of them come around every few years.

I'm so very busy.

In fact one of them called me ten days ago.

I must be a little freaked out because within moments of getting the phone call and the request to meet, I left my phone in a flippin' grocery store across town.

My subconscious mind must like being alone.

Despite my busyness, I still love them.

I should probably emerge from the recoding studio

go out and replace my personal cell phone

so I can call this old friend back.

I guess I could figure out how to hook up the VOIP. I've paid for the home number for over ten years - I just don't know how to use the phone.

Part of me wonders if this was why I got married when I was younger, I was far too stupid to hook up the stereo and VHR.

Amps...no problem.

Stereos? VHRs? I didn't care too much about those things.

Introverts probably don't have much use for home phone lines.

I'll call my old friend back.

It's weird.

This isn't the one in the nightmares. This is one I've known much longer.

Strange.....

At our age, we probably don't have s much time to hang out as we used to.

Love ya,

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor hi...

Confused Terror

Today I am thankful for forensic research. I am realizing that my danger has not passed. Steve wants me to move beyond the stalking. I try. I research it. I delve into case studies. I read too much. How can I feel safe again? And, again it comes down to rage, anger, power, and the need to control another human being. Stalkers tend to have had a previous relationship with their victims and do not want to let go of said relationship. Then, I realize that I have my ex-husband living in my basement who daily tells me that Steve has everything he (meaning my ex) wants. Then I feel sick and scared. 90% of stalkers have the ability to coerce their families into stalking for them. I get more afraid. Am I allowing the enemy close access? Do I have to change up the divorce agreement, sell the house and move out of state? I also am learning that most incide...

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