A Familiar Love Story ( with edit)

 

Today I am thankful for songwriters who write stuff to remind me that other people go through these things, too. 

I heard this song and it reminded me the star of my nightmares.  It's just hard to decide who the runner is. 

He's the runner - but - is it possible that I push him into the race. 

Sigh - 

****
There was a lesson this week. 

In arranging my life to keep men away, I forgot to account for repairmen to fix the old, dilapidated facility in which I work. 

So - 

I met a guy. 

He's my age, 

tall, 

has blue eyes, 

and a familiar Ohio-ish mid-western accent (like my uncle and grandfather). 

He's funny has heck. 

Not sure if I can say much.....

He introduced himself as "Jake, not from State Farm." 

He tried to trick me into taking off my mask so he could see my face. 

Must've seen me swooning. 

I'm a musician (not a good one but despite this), I judge my world by sound. 

If you have a voice I'm attracted to, you're hot no matter what you look like. 

Truth be told, he was hot before he even opened his mouth. 

There are those crossroads moments - 

you know, those moments when you decide to stop that line of thinking right there 

or give someone your number. 

I did the usual - kept my information to myself and promised to remind the boss to call if we needed his services again. 

This is all too familiar. 

I always take the easy way out. 

I've become love avoidant. 

*****

 Maybe I'm not love avoidant. 

Maybe I realize I have to get over stuff from the past before dragging anyone else in to my world. 

Last night, I meditated to a statue of Aphrodite. 

I let myself feel. 

Yeah, I can't date new people right now.

I need to get right in my head. 

For a moment, I questioned that....

I wondered....

Would it be so bad to date new people if no one knew that I cared about someone from my past? 

After a bit of meditation, 

I realized....

someone knew I loved him. 

I haven't really said those three little words to him in over thirty-three years. 

What I have said was far stronger. 

"If you ever need anything, I am here for you." 

Ugh....

My bass player buddy was right all those years ago - 

he told me that I was unavailable. 

You know what, 

Nick (not his real name) was right. 

Sigh....

I guess the lesson is that love leaks out. 

We can't hide it. 

It's not really something we can control. 

We just have to experience it until we move on - whether we are together or alone. 

At least I'll have more time for art, study and work. 

May all your dreams come true, 

Love, 

S. 

Edit 10 hours later 

**Maybe I'll tell you why I like this song below....maybe....

After I hit publish, I jumped in my car to drive to the office.  As I approached the stop sign at the end of the block, my Private Investigator neighbor approached my car. 

I roll down the window, still singing with the Kylie CD in the stereo. 

"How can you hate something that you ain't ever tried?

You've got to lose control 'most every night

Yeah, you see what they do

But we can do it better; yeah, I'm talking to .....

er.....

Hey!! Long time no see, neighborino!" 

Then I realize this guy has the same name as my Fender Precision.....

in over 20 years, I've never called him that, though. 

"Did you get your Covid shot, yet?" He inquires.  

"No, getting that tomorrow afternoon.  I took the next day off in case I get sick from it. Did you?" 

"Yeah, got both of 'em" he smiles.  He rarely smiles.  Something's up. 

That smile turns into a grin. Then he asks "Have you found a hunny yet?" 

"No" I stammer "I'm too busy with work." 

"We've talked about this!!  You're not living life!"  Yeah, he's been trying to get me a lover since 2006.  

"Let me play Cupid!" he's still grinning.  

I give him a stupid look.  I'm literally speechless.  The stereo is blaring.... 

"You've got to feel it, see it, know how much you need it

What's the point in living if you don't take a chance?

You've got to use it, lose it, know the chance to do it

What's the point in living if you don't wanna dance?"

Well, that was the worst moment for that particular song to play.  

Sigh.....I agreed to visit with him Monday if I'm feeling okay. 

On my 45 minute commute, I wonder if I'm wrong to be alone.  Then I realize, I'm just trying to clear my head.  It's better this way. 

On my way home, I opted to listen to the radio instead of the CD and heard a song from the 80's.....

Of course, I think of the namesake of the Ibanez (the star of my nightmares). 

I pray for his happiness. 

At that moment, it started to snow.  The snow quickly turned into a blizzard. 

I don't like driving in the snow. 

My old friend loves the snow. 

I think my prayer was answered. 

Maybe that's the purpose of the dreams - 

to wish something good upon someone else. 

When I figure out what must be done, 

the dreams will stop 

and I'll be able to move on. 

Love you lots, 

S

Edit four days later: 

Okay, I've got to find a new prayer for an old friend. 

Heard an 80's song he used to sing to me....

thought of him....

prayed for whatever would make him happy, 

it started to snow. 

I drove home in a blizzard at 1:00 a.m. 

Someone stopped in front of me. 

Someone sped up behind me. 

I wound up doing a 360 in the middle of the onramp to I-225 from Belleview. 

The person who sped up behind me wound up stuck in the snow a few miles down the road. 

First, living in a snow globe near a ski town would make the subject of the prayers happy. 

It's good to know my prayers are answered. 

Me?  I'm not really happy with snow if I have to drive 30 miles in it. 

If you have to drive in a blizzard in Colorado - never slam on your brakes on a bridge (they get awfully icy because the air under the bridge cools the road faster than other portions of the highway). 

If you don't have a four wheel drive, never stop fully at a light.  Slow down to a near stop but if you stay in the same place too long, the heat from your car will melt the snow and ice will accumulate near your tires causing you to get stuck.  So you creep....

I just had a thought: I'm a creep - I have creepy dreams and I creep around stop lights in blizzards. 

Ha! 

Bad jokes...must be tired. 

I am.  Had a patient need suits and dresses for a new job.  Somehow a bunch of donations magically came out of my closet this morning (some are at the cleaners and the others are freshly washed and in the patient storage room).  I stayed up until 6:00 a.m. hunting down clothes for her.  Five bags of clothes later and I still haven't cleaned out my walk-in closet.  

It's a shame we don't wear the same size shoes. The patients would need another storage room!  I have a feeling they'll all end up there anyway. 

This is exciting.  I always fantasized about having more room for guitars!  

Awesome!!! 

Love ya lots, 

S. 

**My mom was incredibly witty. 

 She once walked in a man romancing Rosie Palm and his five Blister sisters.  

She remarked "You ought to let a woman do that for ya." 

When I was old enough to understand what that meant, it cracked me up. 

She died when I was fourteen.  She was long dead by the time I figured it out. 

That song reminds me of mom's joke.

May mom RIP.