Today I am thankful for dreams even if they confuse me.
Well...
The problem with Mercury Retrograde is that it brings back the past.
And the past always comes back to me in dreams.
I have since had two of my old friend, Tom, and I'm trying to process them in the hopes that I learn something.
The first dream was a lot of like Alice in Wonderland. Everything was strange, the colors in the environment didn't fit - we were standing in blue sand, with a yellow sky overhead and
Hmmm......I think the plants were green.
Tom and I are talking.
It's funny, we're living as if the djinn stories are true.
We're talking about my alleged 465 djinn. Djinn are the dark angels of Islam. In America, they are akin to a dark genie from Aladdin.
My favorite Djinn story is from the X-Files. There is a wish made for world peace - everyone dies.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Je_Souhaite
The only wish that can possibly be made without fail is to set the genie free.
According to lore, genies twist wishes. If genies were to exist in this reality, I believe that they probably wouldn't understand the nuances of human language. That would lead to quite a few misunderstandings.
Akin to the story of Midas in which Dionysus grants him the ability to turn anything he touched into gold. Humans should be careful of what they wish for, even if they are the ones working to fulfill their own wishes.
Wish granters are ingrained in all cultures, be they fairy godmothers, mermaids,
In this dream, Tom and I are talking about djinn. I share that someone sent me loads of freaky jewelry with alleged djinn on them. They sit undisturbed in a box filled with salt in a drawer in my room.
In the dream, he claims to have a wish-granter with beautiful brown eyes.
She loves him.
I'm happy for him.
He says that this beautiful female with the brown eyes tells him that I love him.
Yes, of course, I love my friend. Love doesn't mean that I'm meant to be with him. My love doesn't mean that the brown eyed wish granter isn't supposed to be his beloved.
I had brown eyes until ten years ago, when I dreamt of the Goddess Artemis telling me that this man always loved me. She told me that he was in deep pain and needed a friend. I was to be there for him no matter what happens in his life. I would awake with green eyes to remind me to be there for this friend. When my job was done, and he was happy, my eyes would revert back to brown.
In the dream, I remember my green eyes and express my thought that the brown eyed wish granter is meant for him. In the dream, I tell him this while giving him a very long hug. I express my joy that he has found happiness and start to walk away.
Even in the dream, I felt like "wish-granter" was a metaphor for the love he needed, for the love that circumstance has never allowed me to share with him.
I felt like I could let it go as if everything had worked out as it should. My biggest wish has always been for his happiness.
Then....as I'm walking off in the dream,
I hear grunts of anger and see a chair thrown past me.
That was weird.
I woke up.
*****
I tried to meditate before falling asleep.
In this dream, I'm still walking away from Tom but the venue has changed.
We are no longer outside in a fantastical world. We are now in the hallway of Arvada High School as it appeared in 1986.
The walls were concrete gray It, quite literally, looked like a prison. I recently toured the school. It looks much more vibrant now - with white and red paint and many, many windows.
The school looks better now.
It looks like a prison in the dream.
I'm continuing to walk and heading towards the exit doors. I hear a younger version of my friend walking behind me.
He tells me the name of his beloved.
It is Christian.
I wake up.
Alas, religion is the issue that always has cropped up in my relationship with Tom and other men.
Back in the 80's, we were both devout Christians. I was Mormon. He was a type of legalistic Christian (he attended the Hell House Church).
I was the wrong brand of Christian for him. He thought I was in a cult. I thought his minister was crazy.
This is a point about me.
Now, most of the men I meet are devout Christian.
I'm Pagan.
Perhaps that is the lesson from the dream - perhaps I know that I am meant to be alone due to my faith.
That's okay.
It seems like my subconscious mind is telling me that my old friend is okay. He's found love. I can move on and stop worrying about him now.
Whew!
My eyes.....my eyes.....they are still green.
*****
Mercury retrograde is also a good time to review debt.
Now, I can work on finding the funds to raise my kiddos. I've got to find another job and more money until I can collect the $60,000 in debt owed to me. After Co-PEP dropped my ex's child support, I realize that I'm probably going to have to sell the house and move the kids, even though the divorce decree forbids it. I can't work 24 hours a day. I have to take time to parent.
I wish the government would follow it's own rules. I wish my ex would follow the divorce decree.
Alas.....my dad used to say...."wishes are like assholes, everyone has one - no one wants any more."
Yeah....Dad was an alcoholic. His wisdom was fairly strange. If one meditated enough on his words, one could find some meaning in them.....eventually. I always assumed that hard work made for minimal wishes as one would work to make their goals reality.
On the bright side, It's good to know that my subconscious mind is telling me that everything works out in the end.
Well...except the chair throwing thing. What is up with that?
Empty chairs, in dreams, typically represent loss. Empty chairs represent the loved ones who are no longer around. So maybe, it's just a statement of what we lost. We would talk about in our thirties. We spoke about the loss of our relationship and how we didn't know what we were doing during the relationship. I sure hope it led to greater and better things for my dear friend.
Let's see if this puts the Tom dreams to rest.
Love ya,
S.