Today I am thankful for a decision.
For over 27 years, I've let the same guy and his family dictate my life.
I've let them harass me and treat me like crap.
I've let them harass me into giving up a doctoral program, giving up jobs, giving up volunteer opportunities and other things.
I will not let them harass me into giving up my creative writing venture.
*****
The harassment started in high school as gossip (although at the time, I didn't understand who was behind it),
it followed me through a marriage and after the divorce.
The venue has consistently changed.
It has gone from school hallways, to telephone harassment, to harassment in my own home -
now it's just legal harassment through state and county agencies.
You know what, it's time I stop giving these negative entities power over me - civil and government.
I'm libertarian: It is offensive when a government entity enables my stalker to harass me.
It's a sick day when I tell another pagan that I'm more afraid of my ex-husband's family
than I am of the demons she allegedly worships.
So....
I'll put everything back up.
I've also had people discuss sharing some of the MBTI stuff with students. This is probably the real reason I'm putting everything back up.
That said - some of what I write is gossip reflected outwards. I write about the weird stuff people say about me in the hopes that reflecting upon their statements can reveal some bizarre grain of truth about myself.
Sometimes it does.
Sometimes I think I'm just writing about a bizarre fictional person.
Other times, the reflections cause me to think about stuff that I should have been long forgotten.
Anyway, I'll do my best to keep this blog up.
****
I am afraid of my ex-husband and his family. I will never understand the truth of what happened.
All I know is that they are toxic. The clues were there since 1984 - when the gossip of one of my ex-husband's cousins and her friend came back around to me my sophomore year of high school.
Some people never grow out of high school.
The biggest gift they've given me is the lesson that I need to keep my eyes open.
I need to teach my daughters self-respect and self-protection.
There is a part of me that still wants to defund Colorado government entities that actually encourage domestic abusers to engage in harassment and financial abuse of their ex-wives.
I'd rather not go back into politics -but- when a representative of this entity wants to speak to me on my ex-husband's behalf without my attorney, I'm realizing that lives could be saved if people like me were to speak up.
Right now, I'm in the process of considering if running to the press with the emails would be harmful to the children. These emails show my ex-husband (and the government entity) in a less than pristine manner.
Or I could just start talking about the issue in front of politicians.
Why are we enabling financial abuse?
The entity was created to help fathers who lack the ability to make a living wage. Men who do not have work experience or college degrees. Men who, no doubt, need help and coaching.
Based on what I'm learning, they're helping well-paid professionals skirt child support.
This is a horrible waste of our tax dollars.
*****
It's a little bit sick but I am in debt to the tune of $19,000. Of all of the debt, $14,000 is attorney fees spent trying to get my ex to leave me alone.
The other $5,000 is due to a new tranny and engine work on my car.
Yeah....
I'll never collect on the judgments I have from this guy to the tune of $15,000 (not counting child support arrearages).
Being on the receiving end of harassment is expensive.
At least I'm safe.
At least I qualify for a $60,000 loan to repair the damage to the house. On the bright side, the house will be crawling with contractors in the foreseeable future.
That's one way to stay safe from creepy stalkerish ex-husbands. Maybe....unless he gets jealous of all the young guys banging on the roof.
*****
You know, the harassment and the legal bs (including the money owed to me) is just a way for this guy to stay in my life.
If I can just find a way to pay off the debt and ignore the bs, my life would be better.
****
Yes, I have learned that he is trying to harass me into forgiving his arrearages. I can't do that. The arrearages are really the only thing keeping this guy from dragging me into court for stupid crap.
If he goes to court, he'll go to jail due to his continued contempt. He is ignoring just about everything agreement we made in our divorce agreement of 2013!
The harassment I'm dealing with is due to the help he's getting from the state of Colorado and Arapahoe County. They're trying to pressure me into doing a mediation to drop his child support and arrearages despite their statements that they do not do that. They say they'll help mediate parenting time. He doesn't want to mediate parenting time. He IS expecting the mediation to force me to drop child support and the $45,000 in arrearages.
Mediation doesn't work when one expects the other party to comply with all of his demands. He has already copied me on messages to the CO-PEP mediation department expressing his "frustration" that I will not violate court orders.
That in and of itself is a red flag. They should know better than to pressure me into a mediation with a man who expresses frustration and the thought of not getting his way. That's mediation 101.
So.....I think I'll follow the order of our divorce decree and mediate using the method ordered within the decree.
Worse, the funding documents state that CO-PEP is to screen for domestic violence prior to taking new clients. Their client in an abuser. They are enabling and teaching him methods of continued financial abuse.
I wish for CO-PEP to be defunded.
One of these days, it will happen.
Mark my words.
****
Yes, I type this stuff when I'm sleep deprived.
A single mom....
with two jobs....
attending school....
and four hours of sleep per night
make for some strange insights.
The saddest thing of all is that I'm learning that I'm not alone. Other single parents are enduring the same thing from this entity.
We, as a society, need to take a hard look at the intersection between the Father's Rights Initiative and domestic violence. I'm sorry but normal, healthy guys don't play the games women like I have endured.
They don't stalk. They don't engage in property damage. They don't refuse to leave their ex-wives homes for years at a time. They don't quit $53,000 per year jobs and present evidence that they worked in a call center for six weeks as proof they can't pay child support. They certainly don't refuse to follow court orders and share income information or cover their kids on their insurance plans as ordered.
Pay attention to this one: They don't send emails to their children's mother stating that they won't visit the children because she openly talks about the abuse she endured.
Yes, I have many of those emails. I can't afford to shut up. Silence endangers women.
Healthy fathers make their kids a priority over their desire to control their ex-wives.
The sad truth is that the few idiots are ruining the movement. Father's Rights gurus may want to differentiate between the guys who will only see the kids when they think it will force their ex to drop $60,000 in judgements and the guys who truly want relationships with their kiddos.
I'm a libertarian. The government shouldn't be funding welfare for me, my children or my abusive ex.
CO-PEP needs defunded.
Sigh....if I don't speak up, who will?
Please....don't make me throw my hat into a ring again. I am trying very hard to lead a peaceful life outside of politics and spend my hours helping people in need within the community.
But if CO-PEP is going to enable my ex to destroy my peace, I may as well jump back in the ring.
Sadly, running for office is often more efficient than trying to reach out to politicians.
Love ya,
S.