Warped Gratitude Blog

A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.  ― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain According to the media, there was another domestic violence related murder near my office this morning.  A 29 year old police officer was murdered.  Five other peace officers were shot. http://www.9news.com/news/crime/man-who-killed-dougco-deputy-shot-six-others-fired-more-than-100-rounds/503509572 The gunman (who does not deserve to be named) claimed to be a Libertarian. If he was, he wasn't active in the party.  I left the party just about two years ago because it was being infiltrated by Republicans who don't play well with others.  Libertarians are fiscally conservative (meaning focused on personal responsibility)  and socially liberal (do what ye will with harm to none).   The themes of fiscal responsibility and social freedom sit wel

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. - Groucho Marx Today I am thankful for internet searches.  I'm having trouble sleeping.  I average about four hours of sleep a night. I'm stressed. I cannot sleep. I'm having trouble breathing.  I do not have health insurance because I am a temp employee.  I may have Medicaid but I hate using it. It is to the point that my lips are consistently blue.  I take a double dose of Benadryl at night and a dose of Loratadine in the morning. I may have to start taking Sudafed.  I don't want to do that because I'll end up on a government list of potential meth manufacturers.  Of course, one could argue, that I'm already on a government list due to my hobby of picking fights with bureaucrats. I may have to use Medicaid on this one.  I typically wake up about 4:00 a.m. unable to breath.  This also happens to me at work.  I will s

Today I am thankful that I had the opportunity to cross a name of off my sh!t list. Arapahoe House is finally shutting down after 42 years. Hooray!! One would think that I supported this organization because I studied drug and alcohol counseling. I did..... but they were partially responsible for my running for office in 2011. Let me explain.... Arapahoe House had an agreement with the city to take in impaired people after hours.  This would keep the jail from filling up. The problem was that Arapahoe House kept intoxicated people of every gender and every sexual persuasion in the same room... without adequate supervision. Due to this, sexual assault was rampant. I heard from volunteers who were raped. I heard from clients who were sexually assaulted. I became incredibly angry when I heard that a woman was arrested for reporting her sexual assault She said the word "cunt" while describing her assault.  Sexual assault is an ugly act.  The word

Today I am thankful that I realized how manipulative narcissists and other disordered people get their way. We let them. We give them the benefit of the doubt. We don't trust our instincts.   When things feel off, we say that there is something wrong with us to cause us to feel that way.  We may blame anxiety.  We may blame paranoia.  We may blame past relationships.  We rarely name the real problem because we don't want to believe it. We make excuses for their bad behavior.  He was tired.  He was drinking.  He didn't mean to push us into the street.  He was angry.  He didn't mean to punch me.  He lost track of the money and spent a week's salary on McDonald's hamburgers.  He wasn't kissing her....he just was giving her CPR...on the train...standing up....while forgetting to do the chest compressions. People don't want to blame others.  We want to see the good in people. We give them the benefit of the doubt. That's why disordered pe

Today I am thankful that I decided to give up on holding my ex to honoring our divorce agreement.  Child support....well, according to the State of Colorado....it's optional!  Whatever the State of Colorado wants, the state of Colorado gets.....so.....I decided to end the fight. I've decided to let my ex win his game......they can gut child support and make me responsible for everything. There is no law forcing an able bodied parent to work (custodial or non-custodial).  If a parent wants to be unemployed,  no one can do a darn thing about it. So.... If he wants to pretend to be impoverished, that's on him. If he wants to pretend NOT to have family he can live with, that's on him.  He has several relatives here.  They were stalking me for him!   Come on.....why would they do that if he can't live with them? Something is off. If he wants to claim to be depressed and in a 27 month alcoholic rehab program, he can play that game with himself. If h

Today I am thankful that I talk to strangers. My life has changed quite a bit in the past seven days. I don't know exactly how it happened. I do know that someone must have overheard me saying (or perhaps writing) great things about a health care company I used to sell for.  Two days after writing about their awesomeness, a recruiter called me in for an interview. I started last Monday.  They found me a location just two miles from home. It isn't a full time job.  I'm just in training.  I will be the working at the main switchboard for a health care company. My ultimate goal is to get a position where I am working the behavioral health advice line (given that I have a master's in psychology).  That would be a nice change of pace that would help me make the most of my previous training. They said that they would help me with the expense of taking all of the CAC classes again so that I could obtain licensure.  That would be a wonderful perk! Being invol

Today I am thankful for my shadow side. Our shadow side is what leaks out in times of stress. It can be helpful in that it unmasks what is typically hidden.   It is the part of us few people see. It is the primitive part of us.  It is the part that acts without thinking.  It is negative.  It is our dark side. My shadow side is a force to be reckoned with. It's the part of me that fights tax hikes. It's the part of me that rats out bad governmental programs. It's the part of me that wants to curse jerks with black candles. I fight myself pretty hard when it comes to cursing people. I caught myself over the weekend thinking about various people who espouse the victim mentality. I have a neighbor who abuses her dog (she's the one married to the idiot who pulls his gun on people who park in front of my house). Another neighbor complained about the crying for hours every day (sometimes in the middle of the night).  I know who complained.  She's t