Today I am thankful that the police department finally offered to take a police report.
Finally.....
I am unsure if a report is appropriate.
Part of my religious practice involves leaving food for the squirrels and birds. I put it in the outer perimeter of the yard, what the witches call the crossroads.
What isn't eaten becomes compost for the garden.
It's part of the cycle of life.
I haven't been doing that too much since I've been giving money to other causes close to my Deities.
Today....I wanted to honor Dionysus (cut up grapes) and Isis (whole wheat bread crumbs).
I set out in my back yard and lo' and behold....
The door to my shed was torn off and thown three feet.
The contents were rifled through but nothing was missing.
I froze in horror.
It's not over, is it?
******
My children said they noticed it like this over a week ago.
They didn't tell me about it because they didn't want to worry me.
They also thought the wind tore the door off of the shed.
Here's the thing,
The contents were not distributed through the yard!
The empty trash barrels are still in their places.
It's hard for me to believe that the wind tore off a door but did not displace empty, plastic trash barrels.
******
My co-workers urged me to call the police.
I did.
Refreshingly, they asked me to file a report when I got home.
I don't know.
The survellience cameras aren't working.
How do I prove what happened?
Will it make a difference?
Will it stop?
******
Given all of the craziness in the past five years; the in-laws following me, the fire set on my front porch, the gps box on my car, the destroyed phones and computers.....
and all of the other insane things,
I'm fairly certain I know who is behind this.
I'm pretty sure it happened the same day that the door mats were moved.
I'm thinking someone is rifling through the property trying to find a key to the house.
I changed all of the locks on Christmas Eve.
******
This rattles me quite a bit.
I'm thinking that it is high time for me to move.
I'm licensed in California, Virginia, Washington (both of them), Oregon and a handful of other states.
I can pretty much go anywhere I choose.
I just have to beg the court to allow me to leave.
I can't take the bullshit anymore.
*****
I am thankful that the police offered to help.
This time....I don't know what I can offer them.
I guess it is now time to pray on this day of Mars....when Mars is in the sign of Aries.....
I guess it is time to pray for protection from the great God of War.
I love meditating to Ares.
A few years ago, I fell asleep while meditating to Ares.
He appeared as a young man.....in his late twenties. He was drinking ale and, with a jolly chuckle, asked me why I pray to Aphrodite when all I want to do is fight wars.
He told me that men may find my armor too intimidating.
I remember being told that there was money by my side and I needed to wake up and buy myself a nice dress and shoes because I needed softer armor.
The strangest thing happened.....
I found $60 by my side.
I've never worn the dress and shoes I bought that day.
Maybe someday I'll find someone worthy of seeing me in the outfit.
There was a day, a little over a year ago, when I dreamt of Ares.
He jumped in front of me with his spear drawn, an angry look upon his face.
That was the day Shannon allegedly died.
I am very spiritual.
Some things I've seen still shock the holy heck out of me.
I don't share everything I see.
Some of it is far too strange.
Nontheless.....
I need to decide what to do.
I'm tired of being alone despite men all around me trying to help me....
Life is too short to be afraid to have friends.
I'm sure I'm hurting people by not allowing them into my world.
I'm trying to ponder why.....why won't I trust them?
It's not really a matter of trust.
The stalking scares me and I fear having people get sucked into my drama.
Or maybe I tell myself that because I need to come to terms with the mistakes I've made in my love life in the past.....
it always comes back to the first one.
I think I ruined that first relationship because I let him see the drama in my family.
This may be why I don't let people come close when my life falls apart. Maybe I think of the pain in his eyes and his desire to solve my problems...
That's what guys are hardwired to do....solve problems....
but....I had to be the one to do it.
I did...eventually.
I did it with my obnoxious flair
Just like I always do....
But maybe....that's the lesson.
I had a lot of guilt surrounding his worrying about me. It's like we had an amazing gift.....we had a deep friendship but my pain starting sucking the joy out of the connection.
Maybe that was where I learned to be alone when crazy things happen in my life.
Maybe I fear hurting other people like I hurt him. It pained him to see how my family treated my sister and I.
He spoke of it the last time we met.....more than twenty years later.
It hurt him.
He still looked pained the last time he saw me.
Maybe.....this is why I feel the need to be alone
even now.
*****
The problem, though, is that life is short.
There are always problems.
When will my life be problem free enough to invite someone into it?
I don't know.
Perhaps Friday, I'll have to meditate to the Goddess of Love and War.
Maybe.....I'm supposed to embrace the solitude.
Solitude is an introvert's paradise.
It won't last.
I'd like to believe that people don't recognize me.
They do.
They notice I changed my hair.
They still know me.
Perhaps I need to stop deluding myself.
There are things we cannot change.
I will always be me....just a little older.
I wish I were wiser.
I don't know what the future brings....but it will probably be okay.
Besides, I have a lot to fight for.
Maybe in my next post I'll cover the promise that Trump subconsciously made to the Mexicans.....
yeah....he promised to bring all Americans jobs.
He has no idea what he said during his inaugural speech.
It made me laugh.
Politicians are stupid.
Yeah.....I know....I ran for office once.
I was stupid, too.
Perhaps I should enjoy my alone time with my bass. n
Introversion rocks!
Who knows when the season will change and I'll have less time to play homespun bassline EMDR?
Sigh.....I need to enjoy it while it lasts.
Love ya Lots,
S.