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Fairness -vs- Nastiness

Today I am thankful for a reality check.

So.....

My ordeal seems to be over. 

I'm still not sure if I should jump into the political fray....

If I do...do I want to use a different name?

Everyone will know who I am....

but maybe it'll make it harder to get the attention of my ex's family. 

Instead of Siegfred Smith.

I could be S. Tiberius Smith.

Yes, I once published a book with my first initial and middle name (which is a man's name, just not as cool as Tiberius).

Everyone thought I was a guy.

It was great!!!

Maybe.....I could use my birth name.

The other woman with that name is a frightening D.C. lawyer.

Maybe I'll just be "She."

A lot of people call me She.  I've had politicians call me She. It was born from a political rival nearly ten years ago. 

Some Democratic candidate thought I was a man.  He argued with me on an internet forum claiming I was a man.

There are stupid Democrats in the world. He was running for Senate of all things.....and he wanted to write laws....isn't that scary???

I rarely hung out at Democrat gatherings.  How would he know?  I used to wear 5" heels and push up bras.  I wear jasmine perfume.  No one questioned my gender.

Maybe I needed to wear more make-up or something. 

Then.....one of his cohorts decided to Google my name. 

I received a prompt apology.  The forum post was deleted.

I've never let the guy forget it!  His name is Steve. 

I don't have a lot of luck with guys by that name.

From that point forward, I was know as She.

Weird.....

That's because I was born with the name that means girl.  My last name was the name of a saint.

The funny thing is a grew up to be a Pagan heathen.

Maybe I'll just be.....She.

Everyone knows who I am.  It doesn't matter if I say my name.

They know to tread carefully.

I'm 5'5" of smirking brat.

******

The city is doing creepy crap.  Since I signed into Facebook, I get to read about it.

I don't know if I should speak up. 

They just paid $325,000 to pay people to shut up about a Civil Rights Violation.  I knew one of families that were caught in the crap that day.

Funny thing, we tried to CORA the order and we were told the FBI wouldn't let the city answer our question. 

It would seem to me that someone at the city lied to us to keep us from learning the truth.

I'm learning of more shenanigans.

It's disgusting.

Perhaps I need to get back into the game.

It's hard to lie to a hypnotist.

*********

There was a ruckus at the mall last week.  The kids and I were caught up in it. We bought tickets online to see Rouge One.  We didn't make it to the theater.  We called from the car to see if we should come down, the young lady at the theater sounded incredibly frightened.  I don't blame her.  Four years ago an asshole with a bad shrink shot up the place and killed twelve people.  We parked and got an eyeful.  My kids were traumatized. 

We left.  We waited for the full story to come out. 

It turns out that a cop arrested a couple of kids and shut down the mall because a child cursed at him.

This is not the first time an Aurora cop has arrested someone for saying a curse word. A sex assault victim was arrested for saying the word 'cunt.'  That pissed me off.  My anger was legendary. 

I wish the cops would stop fearing curse words.

I wish they'd stop arresting people because they think they have virgin ears.

Contempt of cop isn't a real thing.  It's a farce.  It's a joke.  It's an abuse of power and tax dollars.

I'm sickened.

Worse...if the cops would grow some courage....they could use curse words to their advantage.

It's about what a hypnotist can do when people lose their cool around her.

Emotional people are highly suggestible. 

If someone is cursing and in the midst of emotion, you have an in to their subconscious mind.

Why not use it?

Maybe they're ignorant of the power of emotion.

******

I fear a six year old Aurora boy is dead.  He's missing.  He's been missing since New Year's Eve.  Facebook posts claim that the boy's mother and brother were fighting.  The brother told the mother to get rid of the boy.  The boy was missing for one hour before they called the police.

I hope the Aurora cops are searching Facebook news forums. That's how I used to get my political hints and clues.  I'd read every little thing and research it.  

I pray the cops do the same thing. 

IF that is the case, the young one is most likely no longer among the living.

I pray I'm wrong.

I hate watching the news.

It sucks.

*******

I'm still reeling from the crap of the past fives years.

I still have panic attacks...when things are moved....when there are strange sounds outside.

It's not good.

When I hired my lawyer eight months ago, I struggled with cutting my ex a break.  He owed me a small fortune.

Last week, I received a judgment for $46,000 plus $5,000 attorney fees.  I was on my way to figure out a way to cut that figure down. I was tormented.  Should I halve the amount?  Should I only have him pay me 25%? 

Should I cut him a break?  Does he understand how much his crap has cost me?  Jobs?  Relationships? Time?  Peace of mind?  Health Insurance? My credit? 

Well...the question was short lived.

Then......then.....

I saw my bank statement.

I am being billed for his auto insurance and my own.   I was told I needed to separate the auto insurance policies the day he moved out.  I did.

I saw two debits in my bank.  I called Ameriprise and they won't tell me what they are for.  This is probably one of those things I'm going to have to call the Insurance Commission to report. 

One is mine.  I'm pretty sure the other is for my ex. 

I'm thinking that he has to call them to cancel his insurance.  He's too lazy.  I think I'm going to be on the hook for his insurance until late February.

So....that additional $95.00 debit is going to cost my ex thousands of dollars.  If I'm on the hook for his debts, perhaps there are more I don't know about.

This morning, I decided not to cut him a break.  I'm going to need the money to clean up his mess.

Am I being nasty?

How can I be fair in the middle of nastiness?

I wish I could talk to one of my divorced male friends to get their take on it.

What would they say? 

Sometimes they volunteer their insight.

The most haunting one comes from a man I love but can never be with due to religious differences.
Anyway, he says my ex wouldn't leave because he knew he messed up and wanted me back.

What do I owe someone who took so much?

I'm only now coming to grips with the thought that this is my home.

I don't have to leave.

What is fair? 

I don't know.

I probably shouldn't make the decision to be kind when he's still milking my bank account. 

I guess I should change my account number.  That'll put a stop to the nonsense. 

This is a nightmare.....still.

Love ya,

She










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