Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful for yesterday when the only pain I had was that of a broken heart.    My kids lost a friend.  He hadn't been to school since Friday.  We found out why today. He died in an accident. They have a broken heart.  That hole will probably always be there. The young man was thirteen years old. My daughters would play at his house on Tuesdays.  He wanted to teach my youngest how to play drums but she wasn't really interested in it.  He was a football player and a friend.  My youngest is the best friend of this child's surviving brother.  Since the day they met in Kindergarten, they have been inseparable.  Now, they are both in the fourth grade.  It is very hard to console her because she is worried about her friend. This is hard.  I can't imagine how a nine year old processes this kind of grief. I'm at a loss for words and wondering what the parents would want me to do. ...

Today I am thankful that I am no longer in any type of relationship with a member of the opposite sex. I don't know if I want to write about what happened.  It's a continuation of the anarchism philosophy that I don't understand.  I'm too dumb to understand. I'm smart enough to be single. 'Tis better to be alone and lonely than to be in a relationship and lonely. I was beginning to realize that Steve and I had nothing in common.  That was before the insults came. The break-up had to happen.    Life is good.  It really is.  And, I no longer have to hear my ex-husband predict that Steve's mother was going to bad-mouth me and his sister was going to stalk me.  The projection kept me rolling on the floor in laughter. ***** Now, I have two tickets to a Pagan festival that I cannot use.  Maybe the bass player will take my Pagan Festival tickets and find the love of his life.  Beltane is a...

Today I am thankful for recognizing bad anarchist advice. I am feeling terrorized by my ex-husband.  We wants me back. He won't cooperate with the divorce papers.  He never split the money.  He won't show me documentation to prove where the missing money went.  I am feeling trapped.  His sister is stalking me.  I think she is.  It's been a couple of months since I've seen her watching me.  I'm not sure it's over.  I have had lulls in it before.  It tends to pick up around Mother's day and Christmas. I started going to the cops in 1999 after she took a gun to the neighbor and told him that I was angry with him and watching his every move.  This caused the neighbor to act out towards me.  He'd try to bait my dog into barking with meat pushed through the slats on our adjoining fence.  If my dog made a move for it, he'd call the police claiming he was bit by a dog. He'd claim he heard m...

Today I am thankful for my one day away from Hell. I am feeling an intense amount of pressure to stay locked in my house with my ex-husband. Long story....I'll expound later.  I mentioned hesitating while applying for a job being a Health/Weight Loss Coach. This hesitation was due to my ex-husband's theory that his sister was jealous that I was well known in the area for my weight loss services.  She had a weight loss blog with less than one hundred followers. I had 15,700 followers. My ex-husband is claiming that I am being stalked due to my work as a health psychotherapist.  I don't think this is the reason she stalks me.  I think I found out why she stalked me last night.  My ex-husband started to yell when I mentioned that I would always fear him and his family.  I literally fear doing anything so long as he resides in this house. His yelling scared me enough to announce that I was leaving. I got up to start packing so I could lea...

Today I am thankful for my colleagues.   I am a hypnotist and psychotherapist.  I do not see many clients in private practice anymore because of my stalker.  When I do see clients, it is usually in another therapist's office or in my unmarked office space.  I literally fear another client being harassed by my stalking former ex and his band of troublesome family members.  I do not advertise.  I avoid television interviews.  I avoid doing anything that will irk my former in-laws.  I am literally considering changing my name -but- my friends in the public relations game are telling me that I have a lot of equity in my identity.  I need to keep my real name. ***** Many of my colleagues bill themselves as coaches.  Among these people, I have two dating coaches.  One works exclusively with men.  The other works exclusively with women.  The guy who works with women, well....he actually explained to me why I a...

Today I am thankful because I realized why I do not want to be in a romantic relationship.   It is due to jealousy.  I didn't realize how bad insecure men were until I was stalked while meeting my high school sweetheart for lunch at a pizza joint in 2011.  His name is Thomas.  He had broken his leg and I was trying to use covert hypnosis on him to help him with the pain. I wasn't successful.  I tried to hold back my tears when he talked about all of the injuries he had endured on his adventures in the two years we hadn't seen each other.  He spent a half hour trying to get me to think about happy things because he always knew when I was close to crying.  Thomas was my best friend in high school.  He was there when my dad died.  He was there for me when my grandmother and aunt died.  He was my rock.  I wanted to be there for him, too.  I can't imagine why Michael would be jealous of Thomas....