Gross Dreams but At Least They're Different

Today I am thankful that a blast from the past ex-boyfriend is no longer dying in my dreams.

Nope -

this is a good thing.

For the past week or so,

I've been dreaming that I get impaled in my car and die when first responders dry to get me out.

To be sure,

that is a far better thing to dream about than another human being dying.

Funny thing, in the dreams, I'm wasting my last breath screaming at the other driver for being a moron.

Wow....road raging until the day I die.

Boy - my dream self sure likes to lay the guilt thick, doesn't she?

Oooh.....

Well, at least I'm not cursing the poor soul.

*****

The dreams are possibly indicative of my anxiety about teaching three kids how to drive.

They've inspired me to control what I can control.

I wear my seatbelt now.

Just in case -

I'll wear clean underwear

(although I'm not sure it'll matter if I scare myself),

bring my driver's license with me

(so the paramedics can identify my body because I think that's why driver's license photos are made to look so bad - so paramedics know what we look like after we kick the bucket),

keep my phone next to me for any final goodbyes

(and give my loved ones stuff to talk about in therapy so a colleague can make some money),

and

look presentable when I go out so the undertaker will know what I look like-,

(so they know people are used to me in makeup that doesn't match my skin).

Just teasing.

Love ya,

S.

If these by chance are premonitions -

I want my basses to go to my buddy Sean -

or maybe my niece (she's a great bass player),

or my old friend Galan.

Hell, they can each pick one.

The guitars can go to my granddaughter.

Don't know any other sax players, though - hmmm.....maybe I best fix 'em up so they can go to a public school in good working order. I should always keep the pads in good order anyway.

Who cares about my house and all that equity? Someone could buy a heck of a lot of guitars with all that equity.

The sale of my car could fund a set of strings. That sucker is older than my kiddos but it still runs like a champ.

It's funny what I value compared to what my kids will value.

Guess, I should put together a will, eh?

I'm a geezette. I guess it's time for a will anyway.

We never know when our last day will be.

Hugs.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor hi...

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much. People change over the course of their lives. Healthy people grow. Unhealthy people either stay static or regress. So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies. If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors. I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories. From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory. A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP. My ex is a ESTP a...

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