Workplace Bullying on a Sinking Ship

 

Today I am thankful that I realized the absurdity of workplace bullying. 

I'm still trying to figure out why I'm living it, though. 

Maybe there is a lesson there. 

So - 

I work in a bizarre place. 

There are frequent crying outbursts on the part of co-workers after visiting with the boss lady.  She lets patients project their crap onto my colleagues.  I get to be the one comforting them.  I lost a great coworker after that happened to her. 

So far I haven't cried at work.  Although I'm beginning to think that she's trying to provoke me. 

At the Christmas party, she was nasty.  She made comments about my curly hair and then told everyone that she's not going to train me for a counselor position because I won't work twenty hours per week as an intern (even though I am a full-time hourly wage worker and doing that could put the company in a world of hurt as it is a violation of Federal Wage and Hour law). 

The comments about my hair and fingernails continued. 

I decided to straighten my hair, lighten it and wear fake fingernails so that I fit in better.  Today I tried to wear false eyelashes.  I took them off when I realized I could accidently provoke someone with arachnophobia: it literally looks like I had gaggles of spiders stuck to my eyes. 

If you know me, you'd know that I'm not much of a fake hair, eyelash and fingernails kind of person. 

I thought I could tolerate it until I obtained my counseling license. 

Then, I was informed I would not be allowed to take time off for classes....

or funerals (as the two people who raised me died of Covid and the person who acted as my step-mother died of cancer all in the span of nine months). 

 Other people are allowed to take time off. 

Sigh....

A few weeks later, I was driving down a highway getting ready to merge onto another and was quickly presented with a horrible choice: I could hit a huge piece of road debris or hit a tiny Hyundai with two elderly women in it. 

I chose to hit the road debris which tore apart my wheel and I managed to drive my hobbled car to a point between both on-ramps.  Cars can be replaced, people not so much. 

I called my boss within seconds of stopping the car to tell her I may not be in.  There may have been a panic attack. That was the sign of weakness I'm pretty sure she's trying to exploit. 

(will post picture of resting spot when I stopped)

I sat there for several hours waiting for the tow truck. 

(will post picture of dusk at the very spot). 

Four fireman, a woman with the Department of Transportation and two police officers tried to rescue me but the traffic was too heavy.  The cops never gave up and eventually stopped the flow of traffic enabling my tow truck driver to rescue me. 

The very next day, the bullshit started. 

I was called in to her office as I arrived to work and told I never fit in with the company (although I'd been there two years and worked in a different office).  Then she proceeded to berate me for wanting to work with the homeless.  She said something about having a source share information with her but refused to name the informant. 

I took copious notes and was very proud of my self-control.  Typically, I laugh when people try to intimidate me. 

Maybe that respectable asshole my Fender Precision is named after taught me to conceal my amusement.  Should I donate to his next election campaign in appreciation?  Hmmmm....he makes a better politician than a City Attorney (our views are surprisingly similiar).  That's the only reason I respect him.  

This was about the time that nerves got the better of me and I became a klutz.  

A couple of weeks later, when the janitor left large amounts of water on the floor, I slipped on my backside and jammed my only good knee into the wall.  I never saw a doctor though because they can't do anything for a strained coccyx.  

This is when it started getting annoying. 

At least once a week, I'd be called in to her office over some gossip on the day I returned from my weekend.  I'd be called in the moment I entered the workplace. 

I continued to take detailed notes figuring I may need to hire an attorney.  Strangely enough, some of the conversations border along the lines of religious persecution. 

The ridicule in staff meetings continued.  She'd growl about my energy (but not go into detail).  She'd blame me for stuff that happened when I was gone.  She never gave me eye contract.  It was bizarre. 

When she got the responses back from a company survey that was SUPPOSED to be confidential, the shit really hit the fan.  She stopped looking at me (as if I were the one who gave the one dissenting opionion about her leadership skills....truth be told...now, there would be two dissenting opinions....gossip and bullying are hardly leadership skills). 

After a while, she stopped conducting the meetings.  I finally realized she was calling me in to her office about five minutes before the meetings were about to begin and keep me there just long enough to miss key information. 

The meetings with her are bizarre.  I get told that she has a source digging up information on me.  There are bizarre accusations.  There is gaslighting.  

The complaints range from my religion, my hair, my energy, the fact that my goals are too lofty for my position, that I allegedly hypnotize everyone (huh?), that I am wrong that it is illegal to have a full time hourly employee intern for 20 weeks at the same company at no pay, that I don't understand that there are ethical and legal gray areas in the field.....

it just gets weirder and weirder and there is too much to list. 

Of course, there was that day I spilled an ounce of fingernail glue on my pants resulting in second and third degree chemical burns on my legs, labia and buttocks and was told that I needed to find someone to cover my shift before going to the ER.  There was no one who could cover for me.  I worked my shift. By the time I got to the hospital, they couldn't do anything for the chemical burns and much of the area had no skin left on it. 

I guess I'll never freak out at the thought of a chemical peel again.  Nothing could match the pain of that incident. 

Talk about being in pain.  The pain in my knee and backside had nothing on the pain from the chemical burns.  The burn on my labia still has not healed.  The doctors say that there is nothing they can do.  I can tell you that if that happens to you, maxi pads will keep the scabs from rubbing off due to the friction of your clothes (putting that out there in case it helps anyone but praying no one else ever endures this....it sucks). 

Even after that, I still get called to the crazy meetings.  Every meeting left me with a large amount of notes. They often do things that are a violation of Colorado law (demand I delete all my social media, demand that I do not go out in public when I'm not working, demand I stay on the property during unpaid lunches, refuse to pay my commute when meetings are in two different offices an hour away from each other.....this person has NO concept of local law). 

It's causing a discrepancy within me that may need mental health care. I'm a libertarian who believes that the government is just too darn big and I'm not really one to run to the government to complain when someone is breaking the law (especially if it is a victimless crime).  On the other hand, they are breaking the law and could be ripe pickings for the EEOC (given my age and the crazy things they're demanding - including only promoting people willing to train during a free internship). 

This is not to mention some of the weird stuff I hear from patients but I don't see it because I don't work the same hours this stuff allegedly happens.  My hypothesis is that the boss lady controls via gossip and somehow rewards people for coming up with crazy stories. 

*****

I got a new gig and needed to take some selfies for my internship (at a different company so I don't do anything unethical). 

I look sad and tired in all the pictures because I took them after work.  

I'm wondering if curly hair is unprofessional.  If so, why wouldn't anyone have said anything to me earlier in my career? 

My practicum supervisor called wanting to know if something was wrong.  I didn't tell her everything.  I just said that I needed to find a new job.  When pressed, I told her about the burns, the bizarre meetings (just not the content) and the fact that I cannot take time off for classes or funerals. 

Hearing all that come out of my mouth made me realize that I'm working in a hellish place.  I began to have a panic attack. 

I think it was panic attack.  My face went numb.  I wrote to the HR department asking for the numbers to the EAP and told them about smacking my knee into the wall.  This was when I learned that my initial report was never forwarded to them. 

After this conversation, I've cried a lot.  

The company I work for is well known for self-disclosure from the therapists (which is unethical).  Most of the therapists are addicts in recovery.  I'm not in recovery.  This is probably why I'm being bullied.  I'm finding myself wondering how many of the complaints made about me are based in projection on the part of some unknown person (it could be my boss is vague because she's reporting stuff second hand and doesn't have all the details....I really don't know because she won't tell me where the information is coming from). 

That and I showed weakness by expressing anxiety after nearly hitting two old ladies in a shoddily made tin-can of a car. 

So - 

I don't know.  

The bullshit is killing my drive.  I know that HR doesn't really care about workplace bullying.  I'm tired of comforting other people being hurt by people in charge.  It's gotten to the point where I'm spending a lot of money buying stuff for the facility and celebrating my comrades on their special days just to keep morale up.  

Recently, I've decided to stop donating to the company because it's not appreciated at all.  

I'm wondering what bullshit I'm going to hear about myself tomorrow and wondering if I should I record it for yucks and giggles.  My state is a one party consent state. 

Maybe I should just call a lawyer. 

That's not my style. 

Maybe I need to do just that.  

I only need to work another 400 hours to get my license.  Maybe I can work for the local homeless shelter to do that. 

*****

Today, in an act of total defiance, I darkened my hair and saw a hairdresser about regaining my tight curly locks.  My hairdresser said that hair discrimination is illegal (not for Caucasians).  My only living aunt reminded me that they initially thought I was of mixed race and worried that I wouldn't fit in anywhere (which now explains all the conversations they had with me as a child about beautiful mulatto girls who couldn't do anything with their lives because society wouldn't allow it - good thing I didn't believe them...). 

She told me to stop messing with my appearance. 

I'm realizing that there is more going on than meets the eye. I'll go crazy trying to understand it. 

The hardest lesson I've ever had to learn is that one cannot logically get into the heads of people who act on emotion without going crazy.  

This company is probably going through something that is horrific. We've lost a lot of people to attrition since Covid hit.  The cost cutting is probably going to lead to the company being sold. 

I think I know why long term employees have recently quit without notice.  They were probably bullied out of there. 

Everyone I know is telling me to quit. Maybe it's true.  Maybe my boss is right? Perhaps my focus on ethics does make me a cultural misfit.  I'm too new in the field to know which gray areas apply.  That is something that comes with experience.  

I'm working on a resignation letter and debating calling the local EEOC office (even though that's really not my style).  Calling the Feds could be my last shot at protecting my colleagues. 

Maybe I should call her boss.  She invited me to do just that but shut me down when I sung her boss's praises (I've worked with her boss much longer than her). 

I'd rather just get a gig on the licensure board because I want to hit people who break the ethical rules and try to get away with it by claiming it is a "gray area."  

I just work the wrong hours to see what is going on.  If I don't see it or hear of it first hand,  I cannot report it. 

I guess I know what I've got to do.  

Let's just hope they don't give me any more ammo.   

If you are being bullied get the heck out of dodge before they kill your drive and creativity.  Up until today I was convinced that I wasn't cut out to be an addiction counselor because I wasn't an addict. 

It's a shame.  My boss is brilliant and she has a lot to teach anyone willing to listen.  I just wish she wasn't so darn creative with vague gossip (or whatever she is using to justify those bizarre meetings). 

Life is too short for bullshit. 

Please....protect your mental health at all costs. 

Love ya, 

S.  

Next Day Edit: 

For months, I'd come to work to see that everyone had straightened their hair. 

Today, it was beautiful.  One colleague actually curled her hair.  Her hair rivaled mine.  What a wonderful act of defiance.  I think a Starbucks gift card is going to mysteriously appear on her desk. 

For the past several weeks, I was beginning to doubt if counseling was good fit for me.  I finally realized that I can get people motivated without bullying them (unlike a woman who shall go unnamed) I should be okay. 

My blood pressure was 159/101 today. 

Hey, at least I'm alive.  

I'm sure it'll drop like a rock once I'm out of the heckhole. 

Stay safe and sane. 

Hugs, 

S. 

EDIT: 05/02/ 2021

I know who the bully ringleader is.  I caught her saying something my boss was trying to talk to me about but couldn't give me details.  She's the one shaking all the time and popping anxiety meds like candy.  She told my boss I had "bad energy." 

She told me to quit (more than once).  I don't know why she's saying that.  I assume she's thinking of leaving so she projects that on to me. 

I found out she's asking another colleague to badmouth me.  That colleague cries silently to herself when we are alone at work.  I'm wondering......if she's feeling guilty. 

So....It's 3:00 a.m.  I have a box of black candles, some sulfur and a lot of hot cayenne pepper. 

This is going to be a test of my self-control.  

There are six candles.  

I pray there are six tomorrow.  

But first, I'm going to block the troublemakers on LinkedIn because I think that's were they are getting some of the information they twist to give to the boss. 

First thing Monday, I'm calling an employment lawyer. 

I may call my my boss and her supervisor depending on the advice from the lawyer. 

I've had enough. 

Life is too short for the antics of insecure people and the people who reward bad behavior. 

Love ya, 

S. 

Edit 5/3/21

I couldn't sleep.  I replayed all the insults from the bully ringleader I heard last night.  In the past when she's insulted me, I had just assumed she was socially inept - it makes more sense that she's insecure and in need of attention.  

She complained unmercifully about work.  I'd bet those complaints are going to go back to the boss and credited to me.  It's possibly what's been going on all along. 

Someone told me that she has recruited another colleague to smear me in meetings that I do not attend.  The other colleague is the one who cries silently to herself.  

I don't know whether to be mad or sympathetic towards these people. 

Sigh.....

There are still six black candles unlit. 

There are three messages to local attorneys. 

My resume is complete.  

My resignation letter is complete with the exception of the dates. 

I have the phone number to a couple of government agencies, too. 

Now, it's time to send out a plethora of resumes. 

My boss taught me that "secrets keep us sick."  She's right.  She's a great teacher. 

This will probably be her last lesson for me. 

I need to reveal the secrets that could harm the organization and the work that they do.  It's time to consult with a lawyer to make sure what she is doing is actually illegal before contacting the Feds and the local authorities.  

Then I'm going to start meeting with my more liberal political frenemies.  

Everything happens for a reason.  

Edit 5/15/21 - 

My boxx fired the colleague who curled her hair. 

It could be that we were nearly the same age and she, too, was injured at work.  I only messed up my knee and coccyx.  She broke the tip off of her nose after tripping on a crack in the floor. 

This place needs to be shut down. 

Love ya, 

S.