Today I am thankful for for all those unexpressed one liners that I haven't yet published.
Yep.
It's been busy. There are numerous unfinished posts on this thing now.
I'm in school, starting a new private practice and working a full time job where I'm being bullied. Bulling behavior is the funniest shit ever....seriously.... I'm thinking of blogging it because addiction counselors can be bizarre comedians....if they target me**. If they target the patients then the events just turn in to annoying paperwork I possibly have to do for the state regulatory board or time I have to pay for in consultation with other professionals to determine if I need to report the issue as an ethical concern. Most of the time, the behavior isn't exactly ethical but it isn't quite illegal. I've been lucky so far because I don't want to ever have to report anyone again.
A couple of decades ago, I reported one marriage and family therapist who blamed a victim of domestic violence for marrying a dick head who put her in the hospital. He threatened to give full custody of the kids to the abusive turd because the woman "chose" to marry an abuser. Luckily, the lady at DORA knew him and said she'd talk to him. He NEVER said that crap again. Later on he had a radio show and seemed to understand that abusers can behave prior to getting married and hide who they are. They choose to abuse and know just when they can get away with it.
A few years ago that therapist became a stalking victim. Someone on my Facebook feed threatened him. I warned him and pointed him to the post. Sadly, he knew about the creepy person and hasn't been in the spotlight since.
Must've been karma.
Yep, I'm lucky.
Don't know if my luck will run out soon.
I'll have amazing synchronistic adventures and start to blog about them only to fall asleep before I hit publish.
Then I'll have a creepy dream and wake up sad.
*****
People tend to binge watch television when they are depressed. My binge worthy shows are Battlestar Galactica, Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sometimes the Punisher or Venom.....
Mostly, I enjoy the wisdom of Star Trek.
I'm beginning to think my subconscious mind is predisposed to the nostalgia of relics
-or-
maybe it's just a holodeck.
So -
Fortunately, I'm getting pretty good at lucid dreaming.
While I dream of a person from my past all the time, I'm pretty good at moving on to other things in the dreams.
I had a dream where he apologized to me. I said 'no worries' and took off hiking to admire the pine trees by myself. There was one where I'm in the supermarket and look up from the apples to see him, I take off looking for shoes (at the supermarket....only in a dream would they have stilettoes at a King Soopers).
There were others where he's there and tries to talk to me, I'll respond briefly before finding something in the dream to ogle (usually shoes, guitars or dresses).
Those dreams aren't so bad.
After weeks of these kinds of dreams, I'll feel somewhat normal. I won't be afraid, or worried, or praying or concerned that I care too much about this relic from my past.
Then today
it was a nightmare....
in which
he's speeding down the mountain highway (I-70) and losing control
of a dark vehicle with a grey interior.
I wake up just as he's about to crash into the side of the mountain.
Then I wake up crying and praying that he gets what he wants and needs.
Within hours it flippin' snows (gotta learn to be more specific when I pray)....
and my auntie calls me asking me to drive her and the doggies to the mountains.
Ugh.....NO!
We'll go to Colorado Springs instead.
Why in the world am I dreaming of this guy?
Maybe the answer is in the next scene:
I just need to decide if I'm too old to love -or- if I can find someone else to love differently.
As much as I've tried to set my life up as to not have contact with males, it's not working very well. I've met some fine men with the same hobbies as mine.
Maybe.....someday....when I'm a tad bit less busy and freaked out.....
I'll see where I'm at.
Yeah, I have this sordid belief that if I make fun of the dream and share it publicly it won't come true. The ones that I kept to myself came true. I'm an INFJ, too many of my horrible dreams have a tendency to come true.
This one, I'll make public in the hopes that it won't.
If someone has a dark vehicle with a grey interior, I beg him to take it to the shop before heading towards Genesee.
Hopefully this is just the crap stuck in my subconscious mind and there is nothing to it.
May you find what you need and hold on to it.
Don't make the stupid mistakes of a scarred up little old lady who had forgotten how to live.
Maybe tomorrow I'll write about the sheer number of homeless folks I meet walking around in the snow with electric guitars (no cases)
just a duffle bag and a guitar.
I may have to start walking around with a bunch of $20 bills, a few waterproof gig bags to give out and my acoustic guitar.
Maybe I can get a couple of these folks to let me pay them for lessons.
The Divine always brings you that which you need -
you just have to keep your eyes open.
Love ya,
S.
**Well, I may just have to hire a lawyer. Darn it! Just about every day I get called into the boss's office and some stupid lie or accusation gets thrown at me. Today it was bizarre, untrue and could cost me a my license IF it could be proven.
I never did what she claimed I did. Proving it would be pretty flippin' hard.
Yeah - someone's making up stories. Maybe I should blog it as though it were true?
If it is not something I'm prone to doing, it will be awfully hard to stay in character.
What do ya think? That is the point of this blog, to make fun of lies and gossip.
The lie I heard about myself today makes me think that the boss is digging up crap about me on the web to harass me with and she's retaliating against me for asking for Workman's comp to get physical therapy after that fall I had.
Shoot -
Maybe I'll just have to keep the joke going.
Sigh......
Fortunately, I know several good occupational lawyers.
Hmmmm......
It may just be easier to go back into private practice and bank my opinion of this company until lawmakers want to discuss reasons NOT to increase the funding for organizations that play around with impoverished people.
Right now, I'm realizing that the taxpayers are not getting their money's worth. Providers accepting Medicaid are basically making more money than providers that take private insurance right now.
I don't know why they'd give people on Medicaid less treatment.
Hopefully, I see something different from this organization before my opinion cements and I throw in the towel.
There is only so much harassment a woman can take.
You ought to read my work diary. I thought my stalker's family told tall tales! My boss (or someone who wants me fired) is prone to tall tales. Maybe I can save them and write some fiction or somethin'
With each and every bizarre lie I hear, the less respect I have.
Truth be told....real politics is much easier to stomach than office politics with a bunch of insecure mean girls.
Sigh -
Hugs,
S.