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Ugh....More Nightmares




I overslept today and wish I hadn't. 

This morning was the morning of bizzare dreams.

Thankfully, I'm busier than Hades so I have little time to ponder them. 

In this dream, I walked outside and there were beautiful high end brand new leather couches that littered the street.  Someone was trying to sell them to me.

Dream interpretation: The objects in our dreams can resemble our outer circumstances and/or reflect facets of our lives.  Often couches resemble obstacles.  The State of Colorado just changed the licensure requirements for my Addiction Counselling License.  I'll have to wait at least six more moths before I can make real money.  After taking nearly two years off from my hypnosis practice to take a low-paying internship, I may have to stay away from my practice a little longer and spend thousands of more dollars on school.  Get this - this is the second time that the board has done this to me.  The last time was 2011, the year I took off to run for office.  The truth is, I love working with addicts.  It'll be worth it.  Maybe my subconscious mind doesn't know if it's worth the price. 
It could also be that I have new furniture for my hypnosis practice.  I am now working at a brand new facility and spent about a month moving in their furniture (forty couches and such). 

That piece is pretty easy to understand. 

In the dream, I make my way to a convenience store and find an old friend wearing jeans and a brown polo.  We walk towards each other.  We hug.  We talk about missing our friendship.  He tells me he needs me and my friendship.  I tell him that I miss him.  We pal around and talk.

He takes me to his place and we spin old records on a turntable. We dance apart from each other.

Then he tells me he is thinking of harming himself.  I grab the phone and have him talk to a colleague at the crisis center.  I'm holding him.  I'm feeling a horrible pain in the pit of my gut from the realization that he has been in pain a very long time and I knew nothing. 

I knew nothing so I did nothing.

I wake up crying.

*****

It was just a dream.  It's not real.

It was just a dream. 

It was just a dream. 

Why is it so hard for me to believe that it was just a stupid dream, a meaningless stupid dream probably reflective of the many people I work with each day threatening suicide? 

This probably represents my greatest fear, that my old friend is in pain.  I hope it's not true. I would hope he would reach out and let me pay for lunch this time.

I don't call this man because I don't want to cause him any pangs of limerence. That's been a problem in the past.

I also don't want to upset any current girlfriend (or wife if he's lucky).

I don't know.

The last time I had nightmares of him, they came true.

Who do I pray to?

I don't know. 

I'm off to work to ponder what this dream means.  I figure that we have unfinished business which is why he came back three times.

I'm hoping that the unfinished business in just on my end.  I'm hoping that the record player in the dream represents that my love for him will just continue to spin around and around for the rest of my days.

I'm hoping that the suicide threat is indicative of the need to let go of my feelings for him.  I don't know why I'd do that, though.  Loving someone isn't a bad thing unless they know about it and it complicates their lives in some way.

Unless it is the real subconscious reason why I refuse to date.

Maybe I need to take time out of working 80 hours a week to see a therapist myself.  I need to find a Pagan one - one who will laugh at the spent candles that bear his name.  Those are too bizarre.

I post this just with the hope that if someone I know is in need that he or she would call or text me and leave a message.

My hours are bizarre.  I'll do my best to answer and call back.

Love ya,

S.  

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