Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful for dreams even if they confuse me.  Well... The problem with Mercury Retrograde is that it brings back the past. And the past always comes back to me in dreams. I have since had two of my old friend, Tom, and I'm trying to process them in the hopes that I learn something. The first dream was a lot of like Alice in Wonderland.  Everything was strange, the colors in the environment didn't fit - we were standing in blue sand, with a yellow sky overhead and Hmmm......I think the plants were green. Tom and I are talking. It's funny, we're living as if the djinn stories are true. We're talking about my alleged 465 djinn.  Djinn are the dark angels of Islam.  In America, they are akin to a dark genie from Aladdin. My favorite Djinn story is from the X-Files.  There is a wish made for world peace - everyone dies. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Je_Souhaite The only wish that can possibly be made without fail is to s...

Today, yet again, I am thankful for the Beatles.  I heard this playing in the background of my life one day.  I realized that this describes pretty much the bullsh!t I've dealt with for most of my adult life. Colorado lawmakers are now trying to pass a law allowing ANYONE to file a concern about another person (irrespective of mental health) to take their firearms away.  I fully expect Mr. Stalker or his family to complain about me to try to drag me into court.  This is why I no longer have a firearm (don't worry....I'm resourceful...hairspray, lighters, crossbows, tasers, demons and hellhounds - lol....let's see what a judge says about those things). https://leg.colorado.gov/bills/hb19-1177 I think it's almost recall time in Aurora. Domestic abusers are well known for playing the victim.  Recent research shows that these men feel victimized when they lose their power and control over the true victim (trying to find link to an expensive article)....

Today I am thankful for an a-ha moment.  It's easy for everyone to understand that stalking is done to create fear in the stalked.  It's probably easy for most people to understand that the stalker derives a sense of control over the lives of the victims because it creates fear and limits the worldly activities of the stalked.  The following is based upon my personal experience.  Stalkers, if they don't get their way, will go on to harass friends and family.  They'll go into workplaces and harass colleagues and clients.   They'll even go into colleges and harass students professors, and academic advisers.  For the stalking victim, this results in the loss of academic opportunities, internships, jobs, and creates distance between friends and family.  I'm at an age where many of my friends are dying.  There are regrets about distancing myself from them out of fear of getting them harassed.  A friend entered hospi...

Today I am thankful for a decision.  For over 27 years, I've let the same guy and his family dictate my life. I've let them harass me and treat me like crap. I've let them harass me into giving up a doctoral program, giving up jobs, giving up volunteer opportunities and other things. I will not let them harass me into giving up my creative writing venture. ***** The harassment started in high school as gossip (although at the time, I didn't understand who was behind it), it followed me through a marriage and after the divorce. The venue has consistently changed. It has gone from school hallways, to telephone harassment, to harassment in my own home - now it's just legal harassment through state and county agencies. You know what, it's time I stop giving these negative entities power over me - civil and government. I'm libertarian: It is offensive when a government entity enables my stalker to harass me. It's a sick day when I t...

Today I am thankful for the insight of a very short dream.  In this dream, I'm walking along a street from my youth.  It's 58th avenue around Olde Wadsworth, near my former office. I'm walking down this street in the middle of the night.  By the looks of the area, I'd say I'm envisioning it the way it looked 33 years ago. In the past twenty years, I've had dreams of the same place.  There were several in which I am with an old friend.  We were older, holding hands walking down the street past the light rail trains. The dreams were so real to me that I actually thought there was a light rail train in Arvada back in 2007!  My old friend corrected me before I wound up lost during one of my trips to meet with him.  I'm glad he did that, too.  I would have stood at the bus station for an eternity waiting for a train that wouldn't come for another 12 years! They finally opened a light rail train in that very spot this year. In the dream fro...

Today I am thankful for lidocaine.  Well.... um.... this is uncomfortable. So....my nickname is Siegfred and I have a problem. I'm getting older. The older I get, the more intense my beauty routine becomes. For over twenty years, I've smeared glycolic acid around my body once a month to keep wrinkles, cellulite and stretch marks at bay. I had a mishap today. I burned my abdomen.  I have two three degree burns - one is a 8" x 3" patch.  The other is about 4" by 1/4".  It hurts when my clothes rub against what is left of my skin. I think it's becoming infected. I betcha it's going to scar. Sigh.... People guess my age as sometime in my late thirties. Sneaking an extra decade feels pretty fun, especially when my baby sister looks older than I. This..... This isn't worth it. I wish I had health insurance.  I start my dream job tomorrow and will qualify for coverage in 90 days. This is one time I need a doctor. Van...

Today I am thankful for seeing the truth.  As you probably know, Colorado has a deadbeat parent excuse-making program called CO-PEP.  They are funded by the National Fatherhood Initiative.  Their primary purpose is to help men lower their child support significantly (even if it means ignoring salary data) and helping them regain a relationship with their kids. My ex "lost" his job as an auditor making $53,000 a year.  He was fired a day after his former employer took a black light through his office looking for "biological material."  We were divorced.  He refused to move from my home but it didn't cause too much of a stir because he traveled 75% of the time for business.  I eventually realized that I couldn't date or have an intimate relationship until my ex moved from the house. I'd ask him to move.  He never did because he was always on the road. Now, this was when the stalking was at it's height.  I was freaking out so my ex boug...